A Lump Of Coal

I am a lump of coal.

I am lifeless and dull.

I have sharp edges

that were caused by

pieces of me being chipped away.

I was tossed into pile of dirt

where I lie hidden.

I have been here for a while

and it’s a dark place.

I don’t recognize where I am.

I hope to be found

before it is too late

and I turn into dust.

I was a diamond

but my shine was never seen.

Nobody took the time to polish me.

It was easier to overlook me

and settle for cheap paste

that looked good at first glance.

Cheap requires no effort.

No need to shape and hone.

It’s available to anybody

who will pay for company

and is looking for easy.

Anybody who can’t see the difference

between precious

and common

and is willing to accept trash

instead of class.

When the paste turns cloudy

I will be shining

from a distance

and you will be blinded

by the light

that you could never see.

Findings From My Youngest Daughter

I was packing things up to return to my children and I found a poem and a little note written by my youngest daughter.

The first one is titled:

“Things for Mom.” (This was written when she was 15. It was going to be a birthday present.)

• “When I was in girl scouts, we had a Halloween party and there was going to be a costume party.  So mom dressed me up like a motorcycle mama, like she was when we were younger, and I won the contest.”

•• “When we lived in Texas, and I liked Cabbage Patch Kids, mom made sure I had the sheets, the curtains and even painted a ceramic Cabbage Patch Kids lamp for me to have.”

••• “When I was in middle school we had to do a project where we had to carry around an egg everywhere we went for a week and mom painted a pretty face on mine and bought a basket with lace on it and made a satin pillow to go in it.  I had the prettiest egg.”

•••• “When I ripped my face open, mom made me laugh the whole time.”

••••• “She always listened to my dreams (and still does) no matter how long they were (are.)”

•••••• “When I was having a really hard time, not knowing what was wrong with me and thought I was going crazy and freaking out, mom let me rant and cry and told me ‘you’re going to live to be and old woman and are still probably still going to be beautiful’.”

Her writing was based on these events.

• I dressed her just like my costume (I won best costume too, years earlier.)  She had on jeans, a t-shirt with a pack of Losers’ cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve, rings on every finger, spike bracelet, a Hells’ Angels’ bluejean jacket with the sleeves cut out, a chain for a belt and I drew tattoos on her arms.

•• Her room was all Cabbage Patch Kids.  Sheets, bedspread, curtains, pillows and the lamp I made.  She loved it.

••• I remember painting a face on her egg.  I bought a basket, put lace around it and made a satin pillow.  Her egg was voted “prettiest.”

•••• She was out riding her brothers’ bicycle and started showing off for the neighborhood boys and face-planted in the ground.  I had just cleaned up and put on my pajamas when she walked in and said “mom.”  I thought my son had called her a name or something so I didn’t even turn around…I just said “what?”  Then I heard something hit the floor…like water or something.
I looked over and she was standing there with blood pouring out of her mouth.  I got up and laid her down.  She had grass and dirt all over her face so I started cleaning it off.  There were no cuts or abrasions and then I thought “oh shit.  She has knocked every one of her teeth out.”  I checked and all of her teeth were there so I couldn’t figure out where all the blood was coming from.  I pulled her lip out and it came all the way down.  I could see her chin bone.  I told my son to go get me some socks, jeans and a t-shirt.  I put her in the car and headed to the emergency room.  On the way, she turned her whole body around and said “oh, mom.  I think I broke my neck.”  I laughed and said “silly, if you broke your neck, you wouldn’t be able to talk.”  (Not true of course, but she didn’t know that.)  She breathed a sigh of relief and I made a joke like “this isn’t going to get you out of going to school.”
I got her to the hospital and called Loser.  He showed up just as they were getting ready to try to sew her up.  He left.  They had to take stitches and wrap them around her teeth.  She was tightly holding my hand the whole time and I made sure that she saw nothing but a smile on my face.  As soon as the doctor said “that’ll do it” she threw my hand down.  We used to laugh about that.
She had “de-gloved her mandible.”

••••• She would always call me and tell me about her dreams.  I call her son “Shoe” because she called me one morning at four o’clock to tell me she dreamed he was born and she didn’t tell anybody.  When the doctor gave him to her, he was a tennis shoe with big red lips.

••••••She has panic attacks and her sisters and Loser made fun of her.  I understood.

This poem was written when she was 22.  She had just found out that Loser had betrayed me.

Run, run, run away

It’s coming, it’s coming

Don’t give in today

Don’t let it win

Be determined to stay

Force your mortal skin to

To stay alive today

Force your mortal skin

To die another day.

 

 

I Am Buried Here

I am buried here.

Cars drive by but they don’t know.

Children play around me but they don’t know.

Sometimes people stand on top of me but they don’t know.

 

I am buried here.

I used to belong to somebody.

I used to have value.

How did I get here?

 

I am buried here.

Why isn’t somebody looking for me?

Why doesn’t somebody find me?

Am I not worth digging up?

 

I am buried here.

Maybe I should stay here.

Once I was shiny and new.

Now I am tarnished and old.

 

I am buried here.

I fell but nobody noticed.

I am lost but nobody cares.

After all….I am just a penny.

 

Another Versatile Blogger Award

sparkling versatile blogger

RULES:

  1.  Display Award
  2.  Thank the person who nominated you
  3.  List 7 facts about yourself
  4.  Nominate up to 10 bloggers

A big thank you to survivednarc for the nomination.  She is a wonderful blogger, poetess, story teller and supporter.

SEVEN FACTS ABOUT ME:

  1. I was once commissioned by Mary Kay Cosmetics to be a hand model.  Two days before the photo shoot, I was washing dishes and stuck my left hand in a glass.  The glass broke and I was left with a two inch gash.  My career ended before it began and I still have a pretty remarkable scar.
  2.  The first time I was ever kissed by a man was on my twenty-first birthday.  I didn’t like it because he didn’t ask.  He just grabbed me and kissed me.
  3.  I am incapable of brain freeze due to thicker than normal bone covering the nerves on my soft pallet.
  4.  When I thought I was “married” my signature was so unique that nobody could come anywhere close to duplicating it….not even somebody who was known to be an excellent forger.
  5.  For years, I drank a gallon of milk a day.  I bought eight gallons at a time and if I got down to three, I started getting the heebie-jeebies and would go buy five more.  I gave it up three years ago and have never had another sip nor have I ever given it a second thought.
  6.  My house is decorated in shabby chic style.  All my furniture is white and each room has a different accent color.
  7.  I had natural childbirth with all four of my children.  Even the episiotomy and subsequent suturing was with no anesthetic.  The anesthesia they used in those days was ineffective on me.

My Nominees:

  1.  hermangini
  2.  euphoriciraqisinglemom
  3.  myworldshattered
  4.  crystalempath
  5.  elizabethhelmich
  6.  emmagc75
  7.  heleftnowwhat
  8.  bluesky
  9.  lesliemeeks
  10.  megan

The Seven Day Challenge

7-day-challenge1I was nominated to do the 7 day/7 photo challenge by makingtimeforme.  This wonderful blogger has won multiple awards and each one is richly deserved.  If you haven’t already checked out her blog, please do.  She writes about a variety of things, and includes everybody in her posts.  She is a mom and a prolific writer but still finds the time to be a valued supporter of her many followers.

That being said and the challenge being accepted, I must disappoint.  I have no pictures that I can use for the challenge.  There was never a “family” picture taken which involved me, my children and Loser.  There are many “family” photos on my childrens’ and Losers’ Facebook pages but none of them include me.  They include the drunken grandmother and the WTC which is how it should be because they are now “the family.”

But that is okay.  If I had pictures of all the wonderful blogging friends I have who I now consider my family, I would be blessed beyond riches.

The Three Day Quote Challenge – Day Three

skank RULES:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2.  Post one quote for three consecutive days.
  3.  Nominate three bloggers each day.

A big thank you to robertmatthewgoldstein for the nomination.

MY QUOTE FOR THE DAY:

This quote is for all the women who have suffered the devastating effects of betrayal.
It’s also a shout out to all the “skanks” out there who are destroying marriages, relationships and lives.  To them I would say, “keep looking over your shoulder.  Karma’s a bitch and she never forgets.”

MY NOMINEES:

  1. acovertnarcissistswife
  2. emmagic75
  3. dataylor43

The Three Day Quote Challenge – Day Two

blaming their mom

RULES:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you
  2. Post one quote for three consecutive days
  3. Nominate three bloggers each day

A big thank you to robertmatthewgoldstein for the nomination.

MY QUOTE FOR THE DAY:

This quote hits about as close to home as any other quote I’ve heard.  How unfortunate that in my case, it’s true.  The epitome of a narcissist….blame somebody else and call them “insane.”

MY NOMINEES:

  1. mommytimesthree
  2. thehopefulwanderer
  3. makingtimeforme