The Creepy Man

The first time she saw the creepy man, she was a young girl on her way to school.  She had to walk across a rickety bridge that had broken rails so most of the time, she walked in the middle of the road.  One day she got too close to the rails and when she looked down, she saw a man standing in the dry creek bed.  He was staring up at her.  She thought it was strange but smiled at him.  He didn’t smile back.

He had jet black hair and was wearing a light blue shirt.  The way he stared at her made her uncomfortable.  It was as if he was looking straight through her.  She thought he was “creepy.”

That afternoon, she was a little afraid to walk home by herself but she didn’t have any friends who lived nearby so she didn’t have a choice.  Not far from the bridge where she had first seen the creepy man, she saw him again.  This time, he was standing behind a tree.  She started running and never looked back.  She ran all the way home.

The next several weeks, she saw the creepy man both on the way to school and on the way back home.  She knew the streets well and even though she walked different ways, he always seemed to be lurking around, watching her.

She never told anybody about him because she was afraid that somehow, she might get into trouble.

Years later, she was walking home from high school and decided to cut through the parking lot of Sears.  She saw a man walking through the lot and it looked like he was trying to open car doors.  Suddenly, he turned around and saw her.  She was terrified when she realized that he was the creepy man.

His face was weathered now and it reminded her of a hound dog.  He had bags under his eyes and his jowls drooped.  He had on a navy blue stocking cap, a torn, tan corduroy shirt and a pair of dark blue pants.

She quickly walked into the store.  After a few minutes, she noticed the creepy man hiding behind one of the pillars, watching her.  She got on the escalator and went to the second floor.  She was the one hiding now and found a rack of clothes to stand behind.   A sales clerk walked up and asked if she could help her, thinking she was shopping.  She told the clerk that she was being followed.

The sales clerk called for the manager.  As they were waiting for the manager, the creepy man came floating up the escalator, like a ghost.  The manager finally came over to them and suddenly, the creepy man disappeared around the corner.

The manager offered to walk her out of the store.  She only had one quarter that was for lunch the next day, but she used it to catch the city bus which would take her close to her grandma and grandpas’ house.  The manager stood with her until the bus came and the creepy man didn’t get on.

After she graduated from high school she went to work at Sears, in the credit department.  About two months after she started working there, she looked over the counter and there was the creepy man, watching her.  As she stepped away, her supervisor said “you look like you have seen a ghost.”

She told her supervisor about the man and how she had been seeing him since she was a little girl.  When the supervisor looked, the creepy man was gone.

After the creepy man left, she went to the break-room and a man she had befriended from the automotive department was there.  She told him about the creepy man.  He asked her what time she got off work and that night, he took her home in his red, 1966 corvette.

Two weeks later, she left town but for years she looked over her shoulder…for the creepy man.

Kêt Thúc.

 
This is actually a true story.

 

More Misheard Lyrics

I needed a laugh today.  Here are some more misheard lyrics….some by me and some by you.

“Blinded by the Light” by Bruce Springsteen.  The line is “revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.”
I thought it was “wrapped up like a douche-bag in the middle of the night.”

“Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” by Elton John.  The line is “although I searched myself, it’s always someone else I see.”
I thought it was “although I hurt myself, there’s always somewhere else to see.”

“Bennie and The Jets” by Elton John.  The line is “she’s got electric boots.”
I thought she had “electric boobs.”

“Waiting On The World To Change” by John Mayer.
I thought it was “waiting on the welfare train.”

“Bernadette” by The Four Tops.
snakesinthegrass2014 thought they were saying “burn to death.”

“Run To Me” by the Bee Gees.  The line is “run to me if you need a shoulder.”
snakesinthegrass2014 thought it was “run to me if you need a show girl.”

“The Wreck Of The Edmond Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot.  The line is “they may have broke deep and took water.”
I thought it was “they ne’er broke even took water.”

“We’re going to Ibiza” by the Vengaboys.
survivednarc thought it was “we’re going to eat pizza.”

“I’d Really Love To See You Tonight” by Dan Seals.  The line is “I’m not talking about moving in.”
I thought it was “I’m not talking about meridian.”

“Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin.  The line is “one day up near Salinas, I let him slip away.”
I thought it was “one day I missed a leavin’ and let him git away.”

“Addicted to Love” by Robert Palmer. The line is “might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”
I thought it was “might as well fake it, you’re a dickhead in love.”

“Secret Agent Man” by Johnny Rivers.
I thought it was a “secret Asian man.”

One Halloween Night

Halfway down a dark, seldom traveled side street on the poor side of town, stood an old two-story shack.  The paint was peeling off the clapboard siding and a few cracked windows were held together with cardboard and tape.  They seemed to give a death rattle when the wind blew.

It had a wrap around front porch, complete with rocking chairs that looked as though they had been painted a hundred times and were mended with wires and screws.

It was set far back from the street with a long, badly broken walkway leading to the front door.  Two huge oak trees flanked the house on either side.  A few leaves were still clinging to limbs with their last ounce of strength and lent eerie shadows in the moonlight.  It was the perfect setting for a haunted house and Halloween was fast approaching.

The little girl who lived there was excited but at the same time, she was a little frightened.  She had always quietly feared Halloween.  She was afraid of ghosts and goblins who would rise out of their graves and inhabit your body.  She was afraid the Devil would come out, snatch her immortal soul and take her to Hell.

She had heard tales of werewolves and vampires, who would emerge from dungeons and coffins, looking for the blood and brains of easy prey to turn into zombies.  Yet she longed to go trick or treating.

When Halloween arrived, she knew that all the neighborhood children were going to dress up in their costumes, expect treats, and be prepared to get up to mischief, if none were provided.

She also knew that she wouldn’t be one of them as there was no costume for her, nor were there going to be treats to hand out to any children who might come knocking at the door.  Costumes and candy cost money, and money was something that her grandparents didn’t have.

When darkness fell, the little girl hid behind the front door, peering through the glass, watching children walking up and down the street with their trick or treat bags.  They laughed and giggled as they went from house to house.

The soft glow of the street light illuminated clowns, princesses, cowboys and frontiersmen wearing coonskin caps.  Their bags were already heavy laden, and she wondered what scrumptious goodies they might hold.

They would bring their delicacies to school the next day and sneak a piece when the teachers weren’t looking.  It was that way every year.  Sometimes, one of them would offer her a delectable morsel that would delight her beyond measure.  She would be so proud of that piece of candy but she wouldn’t eat it.  She would just hold it tightly in her hand until most often, it melted.

They passed by her house because it was dark, with the exception of the dim flicker of a kerosene lamp in the hallway.
There were no carved pumpkins with candles lighting up scary faces sitting on the front steps, and the spider webs across the front door were not there for decoration.

She found herself looking for the silhouette of a witch against the full moon.  She had always heard that witches were evil.  She heard they made potions from eye of newt, legs of frog, lips of fish and brains of little girls.  She heard that they could at will, cast a spell and make you grow warts or turn you into a toad.

She watched for hours until her grandma told her it was time to go to bed.  She put on her pajamas, but sneaked back to take one last look.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.  As she peeped through the glass, she saw five children standing on the front porch, screaming “trick or treat!”

The little girl didn’t know what to do, so she ran to tell her grandma.  Her grandmas’ eyes were misty as she told her that she didn’t have anything to give to the children…but they kept knocking.

Her grandma went to the kitchen and picked up the only piece of fruit they had, which was an orange.  By the time she made it to the front door, the children had given up and walked away.

The little girl felt so sorry for her grandma.  She never forgot how sad she looked as she stood in the doorway, holding that single orange.

Slutten.

This is a true story.