I had to go get gas the other day. I pulled up to the pump and opened the passenger door to get my credit card. Somehow, I clipped my nose when I opened the door.
Now, I’m not like the infamous “flat-nose Curry” but I also don’t need a wheel barrow to carry my proboscis. I thought one of those little black mosquitoes had landed on my nose, so I swatted it away. I started pumping my gas and there was that little bugger again! I kept swatting it away and it kept coming right back.
I looked at my hand and it was covered with blood. That little black mosquito turned out to be drops of vampire food.
OH, MY GOD. I WAS HEMORRHAGING! I got a tissue out and held it on my nose while I finished pumping.
When I got in my car, I immediately dropped my keys into that bottomless pit beside the seat and the console. My car doesn’t need the key to start but I wanted to try to fish them out. I have a pretty slender hand and it slipped into the crevice with ease but all I could feel was something sharp.
After a few attempts, I gave up and decided I’d find them later. I pulled out my hand and it was covered with blood. OH, MY GOD. I WAS HEMORRHAGING! It looked like I had lost a fight with a very large sabre-toothed tiger.
I made it back home and decided I needed a boost….you know…my only sustenance….a bottle of Boost. I always drink it with a straw. After I opened it, I immediately caught the straw with my hand and knocked it over. The Boost spilled all over the floor. OH, MY GOD. I WAS HEMORRHAGING BOOST! There was Boost everywhere. You can’t just wipe it up. You have to clean it up with soap and water or it will be sticky.
I survived the day of trials and tribulations and went to bed. I woke up about five or so, after having dreamed that somebody asked me if I knew that I had trees growing in my eyes. Although I had dreamed in first person, I knew exactly what they meant and I could visualize them. The “trees” looked like the flowery heads of broccoli. I remember the concerned look on their face but I refused to take them seriously.
OH, MY GOD. MY EYES WERE HEMORRHAGING TREES!
Lessons to be learned:
1. Have your credit card in your hand when you get out of your car.
2. Keep your keys in your purse or your pocket.
3. When you drink something, don’t use a straw.
4. Plant your trees. Don’t stick them in your eyes.