I’ve had so much fun on this dating site. It just renews my faith that there are still so many scumbags out there…just ripe for the picking.
Man: “I saw your profile and I have to say that you are one good-looking woman. I would like to know more about you. I am separated and not living with my wife, so technically, I am free.” (Not bad looking and is tall.)
Me: “If you are separated, you are still ‘technically’ married, and I am not interested in dating married men. Thank you for the message.”
Man: “I would beg you to reconsider. The only reason I am still married is so that she can remain on my health insurance. I think we have a lot in common.”
Me: “Who has a lot in common…you and I, or you and your wife? I’m sorry, but I will not be involved with a married man, and I think I’ve heard that insurance excuse before.”
Man: “My daughter is fully supportive and approves of my desire to find a special someone. If you could just talk to her, she can validate my circumstances.”
Me: “I’m impressed with your smooth verbal skills, and I guess what you are saying is that your daughter is essentially okay with your intent to cheat on her mother. I would like to talk to her, not about you, but about how she could possibly be comfortable with what you intend to do.”
Man: “It wouldn’t be cheating. As I said, my wife and I don’t live together. Please, give me a chance.”
Me: “I know of men who refuse to discuss divorce with their wives, while seeking another woman’s company to ease their loneliness. I don’t know how you could respect a woman who would intentionally begin a relationship with a married man.”
Man: “I believe that being separated is entirely different from being married. If we could just talk, I think I can make you understand.”
Me: “Thank you for the messages, and I do understand. I understand that you are married, and my answer is no.”
Man: “Hi. I saw your profile and was impressed. A woman who says what she thinks. Check out my profile and I think you will find that we have several common interests.”
(Has pretty decent looks, but a tad bit younger than I am.)
Me: “I’m not sure about the age difference, but thank you for the message.”
Man: “Age is just a number and you sure don’t look your age. Would you like to ask me anything? You can ask anything and I will answer.”
(Going back to his profile, I see that his “requirements” are women from the age of 50-90.)
Me: “Okay. What could possibly interest you in an 80 or 90-year-old woman? Could it be…um…MONEY? See ya.”
Man: “Would you like to ride me?”
Me: “I know that most men think they’re studs, but no. I would not like to ride you. I wouldn’t mind shooting you, though. On second thought, have you ever heard the term ‘grab and twist’? It’s a defense mechanism I learned a while back. If a man is trying to overpower you, grab a handful and twist. Coupled with my long fingernails, that would certainly leave quite an impression. I would be happy to show you, even if you’re placid…or flaccid…because you are a real scumbag.”
Man: “Hey. Hit me up.”
Me: “How old are you…twelve?”
Man: “No. I’m eighteen.”
Me: “ALRIGHT! The man I’ve been looking for! I’ve always said that I want to die in bed when I’m 99, and I want my boyfriend to be so upset, he has to drop out of high school!”
The End.
LOL!!!!! And may I say WOOOT! 🙂
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Yes you may! LOLOL
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🙂
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BWAHAHHAHHA!! Clever! And these are actual messages and your responses, I’m taking it? 😛
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They are actual messages from the men. Most are the actual responses from me. I did take a little poetic license with some of them. LOL
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I’m dying sis. This is crazy! The married but separated man. Wow!
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Well at least they admitted it. I think so many men on these sites are married and just looking for a little “fun.” This guy was up front, but I just couldn’t seem to make him understand that some women DO NOT get involved with married men. UGH.
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Ah, another dose of your lovely sunshine for me to bask in… 😉
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I do love to play with idiots. Too bad I learned too late for one or two of them…hmm. LOLOL
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It doesn’t sound like online dating is working out for you. 😶
You are brutal! 😋
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Why…whatevva do you mean? LOLOL
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The first one lost me at, “I have to saythat you are one good-looking woman.”
I have to say??? As opposed to what? I know that’s a common usage, but I think it’s weird to say on a dating site to someone you don’t know. No one is forcing you, for G-d sakes!
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I got that all the time. I should have said, “I have to say…you’re an idiot.” LOLOL
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HAHAHA I’m laughing out loud in Starbucks as I’m reading this – this is hilarious. Is this for real?? How are you doing? It’s been ages, sorry I’ve been MIA.
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It’s real. It’s unbelievable…the kind of crap I get on these sites. I published my book…UGH.
How have you been?
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You published your book!!!! Congratulations!!! Send me a link, I’ll buy it today! You are awesome. I’ve been through the usual hell and more but right now I’m in a good spot. Enjoying while it lasts! Haha
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Did you ever get my response to this? I just found in in the “trash.” 😦
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So weird, I just now see this comment from you, almost a month late. Not sure what’s going on. Getting the book now!
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Thanks! Yeah, WP is getting weirder and weirder. Let me know what you think. 🙂
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OMG, I responded immediately and my response didn’t go through! YOU PUBLISHED YOUR BOOK!!!! Send me the link now please so I can buy a copy!!! I’m so excited now. I’ve been up and down, ya’know how it goes. How have you been?! Send the link please!!!
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I’ve been struggling but no more than usual. My book is on Amazon Kindle. I’m getting the proof of the paperback tomorrow and if all looks well, it will be available online as well.
The title is “A Wasted Life; The Story Of A Little Girl Who Always Thought…’One Day’.”
How have you been?
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Oh boy, that is so very exciting!!! I can’t wait to read it. I would definitely like a paper copy as well! Will you sign it for me?
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Of course. 🙂
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Oh is this you on the cover? The little girl?
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It is. I thought that picture captured what most of my young life was like…crying. I remember when that picture was taken. I had been dropped off at my grandparent’s house and I was begging mama not to leave me. (That’s where I was always exiled…to my grandparent’s house.)
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My heart breaks for that poor little girl – for what it’s worth you were an adorable child. I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve been through.
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Thanks. 🙂 Someone said I looked like a Holocaust survivor. I think I had on my grandmother’s coat. Sigh.
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Oh God that’s so stupid. You definitely don’t look like a holocaust survivor, all I see is an adorable little girl!
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I think they were looking at my clothes and the background. Certainly wasn’t the “rich part of town.” 😘
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I love your replies. I would like to meet you one day but in a public place and just to talk. I’d be too scared to ask you on a date ha ha.
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If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that line….LOLOL. I’m not really bad…I’m just written that way, 🙂
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Your reply is hilarious
I can’t stop laughing
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Which one? LOL
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Your whole to the married man and high school student
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I know! These married men…on dating websites. And the kid…his mama needs to spank him! LOLOL
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😂😂
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