Home » A Wasted Life » Murder Mysteries » The Dating Game – Redux

The Dating Game – Redux

I decided to do the dating thing again, for two reasons.  (1) To see if the same old dregs were still sitting around in the bottom of the barrel, and (2) to have something hilarious to write about.

Man:  “Please view my profile to see if you are interested.”
Me:  “Okay.  I viewed your profile and I am quite taken with your bare chest, and the rather large dog, licking your nipples.  Check back with me later, when I lose my eyesight.” 

Man:  “My likes are hopping into my eighteen wheeler and driving cross-country.  I’m looking for a woman to marry.”
Me:  “Keep looking.”

Man:  “Would you like to wrestle?”
Me:  “Did someone switch my picture with Ronda Rousey?  I suggest you give her a call.”

Man:  “I know your profile says that you are only interested in friendship, and that’s okay, but does it include benefits?”
Me:  “Do you expect benefits from all of your friends?  If so, call one of them.”

Man:  “You are stunning.  It says you are only interested in friendship, but don’t you think that all relationships are built on friendship?”
Me:  “Possibly, if you are looking for a relationship, but I’m not.”
Man:  “You never know.  We could be sitting on a bench and you could suddenly think, ‘this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with’.”
Me:  “No.  That’s not going to happen.  I am not looking for a relationship.”
Man:  “But how do you know?  We’re all looking for love and companionship.  Here’s my phone number.  Will you give my yours?  I think if we could talk, I could change your mind.”
Me:  “I don’t give out my phone number.  Why do you want to change my mind?  Is there something wrong with the one I have?  And, like I have repeatedly said, I am not looking for a relationship.”
Man:  “Okay,  I’ll settle for a date, and I’ll just hope that I can persuade you to feel differently.”
Me:  “There will be no date, and I already feel differently.  You don’t seem to be able to take no for an answer.”

Man:  “You are really pretty.  I’m only 5′ 4″ but I consider myself to be a big man.  There are a lot of things that can compensate for being short, and I can show you.”
Me:  “How many times do I have to tell you guys that I am not interested in having to pick up my date to kiss him good night?  And…I’ve already seen a cocktail weenie.”

Man:  “I am a simple man.  I admit that I need Viagra to get my libido going.  I think we have a lot in common.  I love to take strolls on the beach, and go to antique stores, although I don’t have much money.”
Me:  “Well…you won’t be needing that Viagra for me.  I’m not sure whose profile your read, but it surely wasn’t mine.  What part did you miss about friendship only, and my utter distaste for the beach? Money isn’t important.  No, wait.  Money is important.”

Man:  “I saw your profile and I just had to send you a message.  I am looking for the last love of my life.  I love the rodeo, fishing, taking my RV out, camping, karaoke at my favorite bar, and riding my Harley.  I think we have a lot in common.  Let me know what you think.”
Me:  I think you must not be able to read.  I am not looking for a relationship.  I have absolutely no interest in the rodeo, fishing, camping, karaoke bars, riding motorcycles, or tripping in an RV.  I’ll offer the same advice as to bachelor #2.  Keep looking.”     

Man:  “I love being out in nature.  Hunting my own food and cooking it. Peeing in the woods.  Laying on a blanket, staring at the moon.  Just roughing it.  A nice cold beer, with my main woman would be Heaven.”
Me:  “Umm…that’s not really my milieu, and certainly not my idea of Heaven.  Judging by your pictures, I wonder if your mother and father were actually sister and brother.”

That’s all folks.

 

 

18 thoughts on “The Dating Game – Redux

  1. Yes! I think I would like to do this for fun one day, lol. But I’m not single, so better not. Someone might get the wrong idea about “just being friends.” Like the alcoholic, hoarding whore did with my husband… in his Craig’s List ad he just said he wanted to be “hugged and held.” *wink *wink Somehow she took that to mean ‘tied up on her big brass bed and f*&*ed cowgirl style.’ Now that I am typing this, by gosh, I think they were meant for each other! I’m in a pisser of a mood today! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Shucks. Do you have any idea how many of these “men” are married? I think there’s a lot of “alcoholic hoarding whores” out there, and I think that’s exactly what these men are looking for…a little strange from a tramp. (I don’t know what cowgirl style is.) We could give these guys a few names, huh?
      You are in a pisser of a mood today…and that’s okay. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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