Home » A Wasted Life » What A Price I Have Paid

What A Price I Have Paid

A few days ago, the consequences of having been married to Loser once again became clear.

When #2 had just been found by one of the best traveling team soccer coaches in the state, we were all excited about her first tournament with her new team.  I took her to her tournament and Loser took #1 to a different tournament.  I met all the mothers and fathers on the first day.  One of the mothers (who I’ll call Donna) and I immediately hit it off and became instant friends.

One night our daughters were playing on an indoor team during high schools’ off season.  Her daughter, my #1 and #2 were on the same team.  They were playing against some other girls from different counties, who dominated the area in high school.  My two daughters were on the high school team that was always a top contender but never could beat the other county schools until they were upper classmen.  Then they slaughtered them.  Donnas’ daughter lived in another county but that night, she was on “our” team.

Travel teams were a mixture of those same girls.  Girls who were rivals in high school, were comrades in arms on travel teams.  Indoor soccer teams had the same dynamic with the addition of several college players as well as a few local professionals.  Indoor teams were highly competitive.  There were rankings and trophies and accolades.

Our daughters were playing a hard game one night and the indoor center was full of cheering parents.  I was sitting on the top rung of the bleachers, flanked by Loser and Donna.

#1 was a diminutive player who was slower than molasses in January but faster than lightning in skill.  An opposing player could be running down the court at fifty miles an hour and #1 would stick that little foot of hers out, take the ball away and have it at the other end of the court before the other player realized it was gone.

She was tough but she took hits.  One of the fathers once said “I have never seen anybody take harder hits than #1.”  He was right.  At some point in the game, a girl “knocked #1 off the ball” and sent her flying.  This was the same girl who would later freeze her pupil.

Loser jumped up and screamed “YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”

Everybody in the place heard him.  All the players heard him and everybody on the bleachers got up and left.  I mean EVERYBODY, including Donna.

He sat down and all I managed to get out was “you know,” before he turned around and with his famous rabid dog snarl said “SHUT UP.”  I did of course, just like always.  I sat there and wondered how my daughters felt but it occurred to me that a man who would call one of his own children a piece of shit, would have no compunction about calling other children the same thing.

That was the end of my friendship with Donna but having been conditioned to believe that everything was my fault, I thought I had done something wrong.  Technically, I had.  Donna, like so many others believed that I was just like Loser.  How could I not be?  I was married to him and had been for years.

I was recently able to reach out to her through a mutual friend.  Telling her that I had divorced Loser was the impetus for a continued conversation and she asked the same question I had been asked over and over and over.

“How could you stand being married to him?”  I didn’t have an answer.  I never did.  She remembered that night and said she made the conscious decision that she didn’t want to be linked with him in any way, which of course meant that I lost.  He didn’t care if she stopped talking to me and he sure as hell didn’t care if she stopped talking to him.

We left it with the thought that maybe if I came back down to Florida, we would get together and have lunch.  I don’t know if that will ever happen and I don’t know if she will ever call like she promised.  But at least now I’m finally realizing that the friends I lost through the years wasn’t due to my lack of character but was instead due to my association with the loathsome, offensive prick I once called my husband.

What a price I have paid.

39 thoughts on “What A Price I Have Paid

  1. What a wanker. My gosh, I feel for you. Although a different situation, my ex husband shouted at Little Yum-Yum when he was just 10 weeks old. Real up close and personal in his face as my poor baby lay in his crib. Why? Because Little Yum-Yum was a little uneasy (probably a tummy upset), and he was keeping my ex awake. Also, when I made friends, he tried to make sure it didn’t last. What is wrong with some people?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think people who give up on others so easily are not meant to be our friends. She gave up on you because of someone else, to me that means she deserted you. Hardly a friend IMHO. I mean everyone can be forgiven and you all can mend and grow a strong relationship, but if it was me I would be hesitant. I need my friends to stand by me through thick and thin no matter what. (Of course with in reason).

    Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe I’m being too harsh because people can get really afraid and just want to avoid the drama or possible danger. Nah, I still think I would be there for my friend. I would definitely let my friend know if we were to renew our friendship it has to be all in or kick rocks, lol. But then again I RIDE for all the people I love and genuinely love me back. Your husband wouldn’t have liked me. He would have been the one to leave you because he would have thought I was the nutty one. He would have told you to kick rocks, you and your nutty ass friend. LOL.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Loser didn’t really like any of my friends. He didn’t like anybody in my family. If my sister came over, instead if sitting around talking (like I was required to do with his family), he’d leave. His reasoning was that he couldn’t “handle being around both of us at the same time.” He was a dick…pure and simple…and everybody could see it.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. I swear sis…his behavior just never seems to get better. I’m always surprised about the level of BS he put you through and to talk that way to one of your children is inexcusable. Trash I tell you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, he was calling the girl who hit my daughter a piece of shit but he has called my son a piece of shit. No biggie. He’s dad and it’s okay…no matter what he calls them…or me. Trash is right….and he settled for trash after I left him. Kinda deserved it, I’d say. LOL


  4. It is sad how the people one is linked too colours the perception others get of ones oen being. Since she befriended you and you clicked I still think she should have “known” that you weren’t at all like him though.


    • I agree but most of the time, he was off somewhere, smoking and being king. He certainly didn’t sit with us or the other mothers during games and he NEVER took any of my children to practice. That would have interfered with his after “work” drinking and entertaining which ever tramp was available. Even the friend I have known for thirty years waited until I left Loser to tell me that she couldn’t stand him. Oh well. Lesson learned, I guess.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. My ex made it difficult for me to continue to have relationships with family or friends. It is so hard to understand except maybe they wanted us ostracized so no one could tell us what jerks they really were. 😑

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I guess I would like to edit my comment. I would like it if you heard both versions before you made a judgment.
    As for my comment about trading in my virtue…that was my cynical comment on you equating virginity and virtue.
    I was prostituted at a very young age. Mine was sold for me long before I knew what it was or it’s value. Like most victims of sexual abuse, I have felt guilt and shame my whole life. Why I want to tell you this I don’t know. Perhaps the honesty of your own experience?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I imagine I was “equating.” I just have a steadfast and unwavering view of virtue and honor.
      Of course I understand how you feel about your childhood. It’s a heavy price we pay and a tremendous burden to carry. I would never judge you on any level.


      • When I was in school I was interested in metaphysics, philosophy and theology. According to the catechism of the Catholic Church there are seven virtues and seven corresponding sins, pride supposedly being the worst. Humility being the opposite. I always took exception to the traditional definition of humility. I have become aware of one recently that I am comfortable with and try to practice in my life,
        “Instead of thinking less of yourself, try thinking of yourself less.” 🙂


        • I responded to this but it either got lost or I failed to hit send. I am not well versed in Catholicism but pride is one of our (Baptist) seven deadly sins. “Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall,” supposedly.
          The last sentence is interesting. I spent almost my entire life thinking, not so much less of myself, but more of others. I have decided to take a page from Losers’ book. He admitted that it was always all about him and would always be all about him. Now…it’s all about me. I think I’ve earned the right to finally think about me.


  7. This comment is not related to this post. First of all, let me say that I think you have an amazing talent. In my opinion your ability to make your characters so real reflects on who you are. In my opinion, you don’t need any body to edit your writing to make you rich. To me that suggests that someone thinks they know more than you do about how to present your work. I think having a literary agent who could shop your work might be sensible, but I am sure you are capable of that yourself, depending on whether you wanted to be published or not.
    That being said I feel like their is some miscommunication about virtue. I made a flip remark that doesn’t really reflect how I feel. It seems you may have taken it personally, (and that was not my intent at all) and for that I apologize.
    I like communicating with you…and would like to know if you feel the same? I would really like being able to have some deep conversations with you about theology and philosophy.
    If there is anything you want to know about me, I wish you would ask me as opposed to listening to another’s version. You probably won’t get the same version tho! LOL
    If I don’t hear back from you….I wish peace ♡


    • What a thoughtful comment and I appreciate your praise of my talent.
      I didn’t take your remark about virtue personally. I guess sometimes I let my snarky side get the better of me. If I had been insulted, believe me…you would have known. I would invite conversation…sure.


  8. Our ex’s exacted a price which can never be measured, on us, and on our kids. My ex did the same thing to my son in hockey. Yelled across the ice because son had taken a penalty which lead to the other team scoring a goal, “you’re playing for the wrong team. “. Everyone heard him too. Assholes. Big hugs. Your friends don’t know what they’re missing. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

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