Home » A disease-Giving Husband » Timeline With #4

Timeline With #4

What a roller coaster ride I have had.  After repeatedly finding my son on my porch, I let him come in.  He spent one night in the bed.  When I finally got him up the next morning, I asked him how he slept.  He said he felt like he was in “fucking prison.”  I told him that I hoped he would say something like “it sure beats sleeping on the street.”

He “tinkered” around for a while…filling up hummingbird feeders and putting the top back on my bird bath.  Then he said he “needed to take a walk.”

I knew what that meant.  It meant he needed a drink.  I told him if he went for a walk, he couldn’t come back.  He went inside for a minute.  Little did I know, he had sneaked a bottle of Vodka in.  He started acting more and more peculiar.  I should have known he was drinking.  I’m such a fool.

He finally said he needed to take a walk.  I told him to go on his walk and to keep walking.  He said “I’ll be back.”  I told him not to come back.  Later that afternoon, there was knock on my door.  It was the same officer who arrested him the first time.  She brought him “home.”  He was standing out in the yard, wobbling.  She said for me to keep him in the house.

Of course, I let him in.  I gave him something to eat and let him put on some clean clothes.  He went outside to smoke and then said he needed to take a walk.  Unbelievable.  I told him he was already drunk and didn’t need anything else to drink.  I got him to come inside and locked all three doors that lead outside.  They have key deadbolts so he had to have the key to get them open.

He was like a caged animal and started growling like a rabid dog.  Then he started yanking on the doors.  He went from one to the other to the other.  Then he started kicking them.  I told him that if he didn’t stop, I was going to call the police.  He said “go ahead…and I will never fucking forgive you.”  Then he slammed his cell phone down and broke it into several pieces.

He decided to open the bathroom window and jump out but he couldn’t figure out how to get it open.  He kept going in there and locking the door.  He finally came out and went into the kitchen.  He put his fist through the glass in the door.

There was blood everywhere.  Then he strong-armed me and cracked a couple of ribs.  I called the police and told them to come get him.  I opened the door and let him go outside.  He grabbed a pair of jeans and wrapped them around his arm.  When I told him the police were going to be here any minute, he went berserk.  He thought I had called an ambulance.  He took off down the street.

The same officer who had brought him home came and I told her he had walked off.  She said she’d find him.  I showed her the door and my side.  She told me not to let him back in if he came back before she found him.  She said “he’s going to jail this time.”

She called me about two hours later and said he was at the hospital, getting stitches.  She said the paramedics wanted to talk to me about “his meds.”  Great.  They told me that he had narcotics on him.  I knew exactly what they were talking about.  My doctor had given me a prescription for Lorazepam because she knew what I was going through with #4.  I had to have my picture taken and sign away my house to get that scrip filled and I wasn’t even sure I was going to take it.  He took the whole bottle.

I think that’s why he was so violent.  He must have taken them with Vodka.  Lethal combination there and he’s lucky he didn’t stroke out.  I rested a little easier that night.  I thought he was in jail and would be safe and sober.  When I got up, he was on my porch.  He walked here from the hospital.  Because I didn’t come down and press charges, they let him go.

He asked me to take the stitches out of his arm.  I took them out of his chest when he was filleted open because they were growing into his skin.  I told him they needed to be in there for a while.  He disappeared and the next day, he called from somebodys’ phone, drunk.  I asked him where he was.  He didn’t have a clue.  The other person got on the phone and said I could pick him up on some street in the next town.  They were walking and should be there by the time I got there.

I got there and waited for a while.  It was some parking lot across from a service station.  As I was getting ready to leave, I saw #4 and this man walking toward the car.  #4 didn’t see me and started walking across the street, saying “I need a drink.”  He only had a dollar on him and it wasn’t enough to buy one of those little bitty bottles of vodka so they turned him away.

I got him in the car and he laid down in the back seat.  I was on the phone with #3 and he heard her talking to me.  It pissed him off and he got out of the car.  I tried to get him back in but he laid down in the parking lot.

The next thing I knew, a sheriff was there and then the city police.  The sheriff was really kind to him and tried to get him to get in the car.  The police officer was a cutie-pie and I mean movie star cutie-pie but he said this was the third time he had been called for #4.  He wanted to take him to jail.

EMS showed up and decided to take him to the hospital because he said he felt sick.  Later that evening, he called me and asked me to come get him.  He knew he had been in the hospital but he had forgotten that I had been there earlier and he had decided to take a nap in the parking lot.  He didn’t have his shoes or his backpack.

Yesterday, he was on my porch again.  He had spent a few nights with the dangerous drug dealer….”his friend.”  He was still a little drunk but I made him get up.  I gave him some water and asked him if he could be sober for just one day.

I asked him if he wanted to go back to Florida.  He said he did so he could see his boy.  I told him he wasn’t going to see his boy while he was still drinking.  He growled “why are you always fucking putting me down?”  I told him I would email Loser and ask him to buy him a bus ticket.

Saints be praised.  I emailed Loser and he said he would.  He even thanked me for trying to help him.  Of course he’s thankful.  If I’m doing everything, it means that he and that WTC don’t have to do anything and I’m sure he won’t tell her that he’s buying a ticket for him.  She’ll get pissed off.  That money could be used for her student loan…or her car payment.

#4 said he really needed a beer because he was weaning himself off of Vodka.  I tried to get him to just talk to me.  After about an hour, he said he needed to take a walk.  I noticed a bottle under the loveseat on the porch.  It had a little Vodka in it.  He found it and said it would do.

I told him if he drank it, he had to leave.  He sat right there, opened the bottle and took a big swig.  (Reminded me of my ex monster-in-law.  She wasn’t allowed to drink her Vodka, so she grabbed Losers’ beer and downed it.)  I told him he had to leave.  He said he’d be back.

I told him he absolutely could not come back.  “This is not a homeless shelter and you are not going to hang out here drunk all the time.”  He said “I don’t have anywhere to go.”  I told him he did have somewhere to go, he just pissed it away for booze.

I have no idea where he is.  As crazy as it sounds, I was hoping he would be on my porch this morning.

He has told me time and time again that I don’t understand.  He’s right.  I don’t and I never will.  I cannot imagine what it’s like to want a drink so bad that you will do anything and give up everything for it.

40 thoughts on “Timeline With #4

  1. I’m having such a hard time liking this but damn the emotion of what a mother puts in for her child no matter how old they are. I’m praying things get better. Loser should be ashamed of himself. I’m glad he’s not in your life. It ducks when one parent always swoops in to do what it takes for two parents should do together. This is important but when the other parent is an imbecile what can you really expect? I know what’s it’s like to have to let one of your kids go and grow The Fuck up! My oldest has spoken, called or come see us in 3 months. We have helped him more times than I can count but he’s nearly 27 years old with 2 kids and he just wants to play. Well, we didn’t get to play. We had to work our asses of to pay the ex and give him what he needed but I guess he has forgotten about all of that. Ugh I’m here if you need me my friend. β€οΈπŸ’‹

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    • You’re right. Loser should feel ashamed but he doesn’t. He said to me once, “it was always all about me. It is all about me and it always will be all about me.” I think that summed him up in a nutshell. It’s all about him and that WTC now. I hope he follows through with #4 and tries to at least pretend to be there for him. I will admit that I am impressed that he actually stepped up.
      I don’t think I know about your son. I would hope that he isn’t an alcoholic. Sigh. I don’t understand the “entitlement” they feel. I think my son felt that way…like it was his right to stay with me and do whatever the hell he wanted. I think he appreciates what I did for him (or tried to do for him) but like I said, I think he thought it was understood that I would be there. I think being able to see Loser is really helping him.
      Will you tell me about your son?

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      • Well said and it shows what kind of person you are even after all of what you went through to understand and hope loser would be there for #4. I hope so too. My son is very selfish. He is nearly 27, has 2 kids but its more important for him to play and do what he wants but blame baby mama for everything. We have let him move back home 3 times, 2 of which were within 1 year and he just couldn’t follow simple rules to get his life together. We helped him to get him on track with his priorities but it didn’t work. He may just may have drinking problem but I’m not gonna say he’s an alcoholic just yet. He did get a DUI a couple of years ago. I don’t know what is going on. He is actually my stepson but I’ve raised him as my own since he was 18 months old. Long story short, he lived with his mother most of the time and she was impossible. That is the nicest thing I will say about her. He definitely took after her because she is irresponsible to say the least. We haven’t heard from him in months and when we do it’s because he needs something. We just aren’t going to enable him. He needs to grow up and accept his responsibility. My husband and I are really hurt but it is what it is. I’m here if you need me. You know how to reach me. Email me πŸ™‚

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        • These lost children. There is something psychologically wrong with them, I believe. My son talked about triggers and how a doctor is trying to help him address them. I have known he had triggers all along but you know moms…they’re impossible, controlling, manipulative, lack understanding and are “insane.” It’s so hard to not continue to enable them but we do. I think I have finally come to the realization that it doesn’t matter how many times I come to his rescue or how much I want to help him….it doesn’t matter. It’s his daddys’ attention and affection he craves. I do hope he continues to get it…even if it is only for show and possibly only temporary. (I will email you.) πŸ™‚

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    • Or their stupidity. 😦 It’s hard to finally exercise “tough love.” One of the counselors I was trying to get him to talk to said it took her mama telling her to get out and not come back, for her to finally get clean. #4 is so resourceful though. He always finds somebody to take him in.

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  2. Im so sorry momma. I miss you. I love you. I wish your #4 had the sense or strength to rise above. Im sorry your love isn’t enough for him and hes all buggered because of daddy issues. You are beautiful and lovely and deserve so much good

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    • Thank you so much. You’re right. My love isn’t enough. He (#4) said “I wish dad had taught me to play the guitar, and I remember begging him to let me go to band practice with him but he always said no.”
      When I emailed Loser about the ticket, I told him that #4 said that. I said “#4 has little boy regrets. To you and his sisters, that may seem silly but sometimes the smallest disappointments leave the deepest scars.”
      I’m sure it meant nothing to Loser. 😦

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  3. Laurel, how far away is loser or #3? You need help with him, he is dangerous for you to be alone with him. My son was exactly like yours, and when they get dependant on alcohol they go through withdrawal without it. That is when anything can happen, usually bad. Do not take it personal what he is saying. My son is 44 and further down the track thank God. Laurel he has been sober for 2 years now. He is the sweet son again since then. The only thing that helped him was putting him in a Christian rehab for 30 days and a lot of prayer from me. It saved his life, he was doing and hanging with people and I was scared for his life like you. At first he was livid, but we (his wife & me) would not come get him. He was sick going through withdrawal for a week and needed to be there to be helped physically as it is dangerous to quit cold turkey. He started listening after 10 days and realized gradually how he needed to change or he would die. My son has kids too and that helped him want to get help in the end. I will never forget when his wife kicked him out and he called me (who had no home) and I told him we were all done until he got help. I was frantic until he went in to rehab as we didn’t know where he was either but we stayed strong and didn’t change course when he resurfaced. Laurel I’m here for you and praying for you and your son.πŸ’œ

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    • #3 is more than five hundred miles away. Loser may as well be on another planet. He has “washed his hands” of him. Buying a bus ticket is, like I said to him, the least he can do…and he will gladly do it if it means #4 won’t interfere with his and that WTCs’ lives.
      I understand about withdrawal and the DTs. That’s why everybody encouraged him to go to detox. When he finally agreed, he just walked away after a day and a half.
      At one point,he had been sober for more than five years and then I left Loser. That sent him into a tailspin and he has never recovered.
      #4 has been in every conceivable rehab place from Florida to North Carolina. Some of them won’t even let him back in. They are all religion based and he finds that to be offensive and resents having it forced down his throat.
      I still haven’t heard from him. I gave him Losers’ number when he left. He said he was going to call him and ask about the bus ticket. I have no idea if he did and I’m sure as hell not going to ask Loser.
      I’m so glad things worked out for your son. I don’t think #4 will live to see 44. His body is so damaged and he just keeps damaging it more. Even if he finally sobers up, I’m afraid it will be too late.
      Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and…again…so glad you’re back. πŸ™‚

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      • Oh Laurel I am so sorry he doesn’t want to get the help he needs. And I know the worry about them so well. Mine would drink and get on his motorcycle. I was terrified and his wife would work and support them when he would lose jobs from his drinking. It takes them really wanting to get help, as we both know. I’m just worried about you dealing with it all.

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        • #4 watched his daddy drive drunk his entire life…and never get caught. We bought #4 three cars and he sold every one of them for booze…so now, he’s on foot.
          I’m really hoping he called Loser and he and the WTC came and got him. I feel horrible for bringing him up here and then making him leave. Sigh.,

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          • You were only trying to help him. I let my son and his family live with us for 4 years to help him. It didn’t help him, but when they all destroyed me and I left my ex they had to move too. They were forced to grow the hell up. Thank God after a year on their own his wife gave him the ultimatum to get help or don’t come home. By then he was ready to go to rehab, I hope your son does soon. You had no choice but to make him leave, when he was hurting you physically not to mention emotionally.πŸ’›

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  4. I wish he’d hit rock bottom and want to get help. It has a serious hold on him. It owns him and all day, every day, it’s the only thing he thinks of. So sad. I’m sorry. It sounds awful.

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