Home » A disease-Giving Husband » What Now?

What Now?

I have been sicker than a dying dog ever since I took #4 to detox on Saturday afternoon.  I thought I was going to get a good nights’ rest for the first time in a long time and have a sort of “reprieve.”  Not so.  I think I had held on and as my friend Deb said “as soon as I knew he was okay, my body gave out.”

#4 called me yesterday around noon-thirty.  I knew as soon as he got “hey mom” out, he was drunk.  I asked him where he was and he said “outside the detox place.”

Great.  He lasted a whole day and a half.  He said he wanted to “come home.”

I told him he had forfeited his “home” when he decided to leave detox and start drinking.  I suggested that he call Loser and ask if he and the WTC would put him up for a while.  He said “okay.”  Then he asked me to bring him his phone.

Sure.  I’ll get right on that.  I’m so sick, I can hardly move but I’ll get in my car and drive for over an hour to get your fucking phone to you…the phone that has no charger because you left it at some “friends’ house.”

Then, I have #3, my youngest daughter beating the shit out of me via text.  I know she cares and like my RBS, she sometimes needs to kick my ass because I tend to make people wonder if I have anything that even resembles grey matter anymore.

I told her I was too sick to text, so she called me.  She was screaming “go to the doctor…and I know it sounds like I’m yelling at you and I don’t mean to but go to the fucking doctor!”  I told her about the sign on the door of my doctors’ office that says (and I am being absolutely literal here) “if you are sick, have a fever or are coughing, for the protection of the other patients, please do not come in.”

The first time I saw that, I actually asked the receptionist if it was supposed to be a joke.  In her slow Southern drawl she said “no-wa, mayam.”  I’m Southern so I’m not making fun of her accent…just that she seemed to be quite incensed that I thought it was ridiculous.  I really like my doctor but I really don’t like the staff there…and I’m probably being a little pissy right now.

I think I’ve had two Boosts in the last two days.  I know I’m dangerously close to going back below a buck.  It’s taken me four years to get to 105.  Now, I’m at 101.

I have no idea where #4 is.  My neighbor came over and knocked on my door.  I didn’t answer because I was afraid he was going to say something like “I’ve seen your son sleeping on your porch” or maybe even “your son has been sleeping on my porch.”  Hopefully, I’ll hear something.

When he showed up on my porch Saturday morning, having no idea that he had been in jail, or what had happened, I asked him if he realized that by having these “friends” bring him to my house, he was potentially putting me in harms’ way.

He’s done that before.  Not only did he bring drug dealers to my house, he brought them INSIDE my house, while I was asleep.  That’s when I had to meet them in the middle of the woods the next day (per Losers’ orders) to get his computer back.

That rather large man who brought #4 by the other day, watched me like a hawk.  Maybe he was watching to see if I was going to “make a phone call.”  I told #4 that I was sure he had told this man that I lived alone and now he knew where I lived.  I don’t think anything registers with #4…except where he’s going to get his next fifth or pint or whatever it is.

I really, really do believe that #4 is trying to drink himself to death, to punish Loser.  I don’t know what makes that child think Loser will give a shit.  He doesn’t give a shit that he’s alive…and #4 thinks he’ll actually give a shit if he’s dead?

Of course, it would get him some sympathy from the WTC and all of his friends and family, when he cries and pretends to be so saddened over the loss of his only son.  He can get even more sympathy when he reminds everybody that #4 got his alcoholism from MY side of the family.

Whatever helps him sleep at night.

24 thoughts on “What Now?

  1. 😦 sorry you have to go through this, and sorry you are sick. I hate that you now have to be scared in your own home! And the sickness of course. Your boy… my heart breaks for him, but you obviously can’t do detox for him, he has to man up sit through fucking detox and he has to want to stay alive. Sad but true. I can’t begin to imagine what you as a mother are going through when you witness his self-destruction.


    • It’s even worse now. He stole the pills the doctor had just prescribed for me and mixed them with booze. He got violent and put his fist through the glass of my door. I had to call the police. I hated to but they had already brought him home because they didn’t want to arrest him. What a nightmare. Sigh.


      • May your son be guided aright and you protected meanwhile. Take care of yourself Laurel 😕I hope things will get better for you and him God willing.


      • Holy crap!!! This is horrible. Of course you had to call the police! I am terrified for you. He is totally unstable. I am so sorry, LWL. You probably thought you had the torment behind you and now #4 is bringing it all back in your life. 😦 I don’t know what to say, but you are in my thoughts a lot. Hugs!


  2. Okay first. Get a new doctor. Seriously. Any ‘doctor’ that has that kind of fruckin’ sign in their office deserves to have NO patients. Second, get yourself to the ER if you continue to feel like shit warmed over. Dehydration (which you may have) is no joke. It WILL kill you. And why give #4 and that loser piece of shit the satisfaction??? You’ve done all you can for #4, so change your phone number and your door locks. You need to cut these horrors out of your life, at least until you can recharge enough to fight on. I’m so sorry to read this and I hope you feel better really soon.


    • I’m not dehydrated. As a former EMT, I know the signs and I am drinking plenty of water. I imagine the reason the sign is on the door is to, as they said, protect the patients inside. I know I wouldn’t want to be exposed to the flu or some other contagious disease. When they call the doctor with any or all of those symptoms, I’m sure they are told to go to the ER. It lets the doctors off the hook and puts the onus on the hospital. 🙂


  3. Ugh. So sorry. GO TO THE DOCTOR, WOMAN! I wasn’t really screaming 😉. You need a security system and a bat 😧! I’m sorry you feel bad and that he’s already left rehab. I guess his rock bottom is further down than where he’s gotten. That’s rough.


    • I’ll be okay. I can always call the local police department (they know me well now) and ask them to keep an eye out on my house. They know my car is always kept in the garage so if there was one in the driveway, it would be worth a second glance. My son called me last night at 11:30…drunk of course. Said he was trying to keep from getting arrested. I told him he should have considered that before he walked away from the detox center. Again, I told him to call that sperm donor. If he did or didn’t, I’ll never know. Sigh.


  4. I pray and hope you’ll get well soon, can’t you just call the doctor 👨‍⚕️ and describe your symptoms by phone and see what he says🤒🤧🤕? I pray those guys stay far away from you 😱and that your son gets himself out of his addiction somehow (preferably very soon) and that he doesn’t put you in trouble☹️


      • 😱😳😭as if it wasn’t enough to be ill already. Definitely one thing to be grateful for over here, i.e. the health care and the lower prices for getting it😬. Happy to hear that you are a little better, hope you get your appetite back soon❤️

        Liked by 1 person

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