Home » A Wasted Life » A Letter To Santa – First, The Sappy One. Now, The Snarky One

A Letter To Santa – First, The Sappy One. Now, The Snarky One

Dear Santa,

I don’t have a Christmas tree.
Actually, I have 15 Christmas trees.  I just chose not to put them up.
Would you leave some Boost for me?
I have four cases so I’m set.
You could leave it at my door.
There is a box at my door right now.
I promise I’ve been good and I won’t ask for more.
Don’t know about being good and I’ve learned not to ask for anything.

You don’t have to fill my stocking.
You’re off the hook (and so is the stocking.)
Or read a pleading note.
I don’t write pleading notes, asshole.
I don’t want a car, a fur or something that will float.
Got a car, a couple of furs and a rubber duck.  I’m good.

The cards fell wrong for me and I’m alone.
Hell yeah, and I’d rather be alone than live with a lying, cheating, disease-giving pig.
It’s now my way of life.
Yep.  And like I said.  It’s better than living with a lying, cheating, disease-giving pig.
But, once I was a mother.
Yes, I was and I’m afraid I was not a very good one.
Once I was a wife.
Biggest mistake I ever made.  I’d have been better off being just another tramp.  

I won’t ask for company.
I didn’t bother to decorate so I don’t think anybody would want to come over anyway.
For there’s nobody left.
Oh, they’re there.  They just choose to visit somebody else.
I will be okay, though.
Yes I will, and I have been for the last several Christmases.
I will not be bereft.
I probably will be but that’s nothing new.

I will not ask for calls or texts.
I would prefer not to get obligatory or drunken calls or texts, so that’s why I won’t ask.
I know they will not come.
Nope.  They won’t.
They will go to someone else.
Yep.  They will go to all the important people.  The people who matter.
So, I’ll pretend I’m numb.
No pretense.  I already am.

A case of Boost is all I want.
Well, we all know I want Wentworth Miller but I’m trying to be realistic here.  
It’s full of nutrients.
It is probably some of the worst crap you can drink but it beats having to turn on the stove and open a can of beans.
Please don’t deny my only wish.
You’ve denied so many of my wishes in the past, it wouldn’t be anything new.
Or show insouciance.
I had forty-one years of that.  Don’t need any more.

If you would only bring some Boost.
That would be great, especially if it was free.
I’ll have a happy day.
I’m lying.  What the fuck is a happy day?
I’ll drink it while I reminisce.
I do quite a bit of reminiscing this time of year.  Gotta cut that shit out.
And pass the time away.
I learned how to pass the time away the first week I was married, so I’m a bit of an expert.

You don’t need to wrap it.
Well, if you had any newspaper handy, you could wrap it in that.  That would certainly bring back memories.
Or add a big red bow.
No bows.  They tend to get squished.
When I awake on Christmas morn.
I would actually like to sleep all day so I didn’t know it was Christmas.
From who it is, I’ll know.
I’ll know who it’s from.  Merry Christmas, Laurel.  From Laurel.

I’ve never stopped believing.
Are you fucking kidding me?  I stopped believing in just about everything a long time ago and that includes you.  I don’t even like you.
And I will be right here.
Where the hell else am I going to be?  At a family gathering? Don’t be ridiculous.
So, while you’re loading up your sleigh,
Throw in some Boost.  While you’re at it, kidnap Wentworth Miller but understand.  He’s MINE.  Don’t deliver him to anybody else!
Would you remember me this year?
You haven’t remembered me for the last four years but if you don’t remember me this year, I’m going to tell all the little kiddies that you aren’t fucking real.  Okay?  How about that?



22 thoughts on “A Letter To Santa – First, The Sappy One. Now, The Snarky One

  1. lol… you can have Wentworth Miller so long as you agree to keep your hands off Gael Garcia Bernal, who is MINE ALL MINE MINE MINE!!

    Do you “celebrate” any holidays? I sometimes sorta acknowledge the New Year, depending on my mood, but no others. (this year I’m giving mini-bottles of Espresso vodka to coworkers [more as a return favor for teenty gifts from them] and maybe a mega-bottle to myself)


  2. Aw. 😦 I wish you joy for your gift. That’s better than Boost, but at least with the Boost you are getting calories, which I assume you need? Something I also wish for you is that one day you are able to lay down the burden you carry and let it all go. No more hate or spite, only forgiveness. They are certainly not worthy (from the things I’ve read about them), but you are. You deserve to walk, pain free. They say revenge is the best answer – nope. A life well lived is. Ignoring the soul sucking assholes is. Turning your back on them and saying ‘enough’. You still give them power by hating them or even giving them one thought, you know. I know some are your children and grandchildren, but obviously they aren’t worth your valuable time right now. Maybe some day. That’s my final wish for you – that the people you grieve for (not that whore monger or his nasty family) but your CHILDREN become the people they can be. That you’d like them to be for you. That they too learn to lay down the past and just move ahead. I realize it’s difficult and sometimes impossible. But I did it. And although my relationship with those I need to care about (for me) isn’t anywhere near perfect, nor what I’d hoped for, at least I’m not carrying that burden any more. I can accept that.

    So as a firm Santa Claus believer – a very Merry Christmas to you and a wonderful and peaceful New Year!


    • I do drink the Boost for calories. When I first started drinking it, I thought it tasted like shit but I have gotten used to it now.
      I don’t know what happened to my appetite. It just went away for some reason. That was four years ago.
      My children are wonderful, smart, gifted, talented people. A few of them are a little wonky but I actually understand them. They were all desperate for Losers’ love and attention. They are now getting some semblance of it, and they are happy. (You always want the love and respect of the absentee parent.) I know that better than anybody.
      I hope you have a Merry Christmas too! 🙂


  3. It just isn’t fair that you are alone while your kids flock to see those 2 scumbags. I know you were a good mother, and he was never a husband or good father. I wish we lived closer to each other, I’m in Houston, Tx. so how far is that from you? I’d come spend the day with you in a heart beat. I’d also cook for you, I’m worried you don’t eat and that’s not good Laurel. I am sending you love and hugs dear one. I was just thinking last night how long its been since anyone has told me they loved me. And I’m sure it is the same for you. We are closer on WP than our family is to us and that is just sad. I’ll be reaching out to you on Christmas day and being with you on here. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much Ava. You’re about 1000 miles from me. I appreciate the offer so much. I actually do buy some ready-made food from the supermarket sometimes…but I can only eat two or three bites. Then I forget about it and it goes bad. I hate to waste food. I feel guilty because I know about homeless people. I know my son has been homeless and hungry and it’s just not right to throw food away.
      We are closer on WP than with our own families. That’s sad state of affairs, isn’t it? Thank you for the hugs and warm wishes and thoughts.
      I’m going to try not to think about what my children and grandchildren are doing…other than hoping that they have a merry one….and I’m sure they will. “People” have to make good impressions so they can “win them over.” (Wish my children weren’t such blind idiots.) LOLOL

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Laurel
    There is a beautiful person in you that I know people see.. only you can’t see her anymore..
    keep dreaming – keep wishing – keep hoping
    Sending you a big hug and happy thoughts💕
    and I’d stop by for a girl chat if I was near by😊

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh Laurel… If I was on the same continent as you, I would certainly come and see you and I certainly wouldn’t be bringing sugar-filled rubbish with me. You deserve better. You’ve been told so often that you’re rubbish, you actually believe it. Your body deserves proper nourishment and then it will serve you better, including mentally. You might just become my cause célèbre in the New Year! Better start looking for that blender my girl! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was thinking this morning that I should probably give up the Boost. I drink water all day long but you really can’t live off of water and sometimes, it is really boring. LOL
      I gave up coffee years ago and I also gave up milk. I have probably only had 10 soft drinks in my life because I just don’t understand the appeal. I get hungry now and then. Last night I had 7 or 8 saltine crackers. Hahaha. Someday, my appetite will come back…I hope.
      I wish you were here, too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Once upon a very brief time (because not eating was never a problem, it was the opposite that got me), I couldn’t eat and was threatened with the cancellation of serious surgery if I didn’t. They gave me crackers (think you call them graham crackers) and plastic cheese. My mouth was so dry I couldn’t eat them. The only way to rekindle your appetite is to have something really flavoursome and preferably sweet (but preferably not refined sugar), and I found it needed to be in liquid form. It’s much easier to drink than eat when you have no appetite. So I would make you a very thin fruit smoothie with nut milk or coconut water, but not tell you what was in it, you don’t need to know, that just gives you the opportunity to say you don’t like something and then refuse it in its entirety. My biggest problem with you is, you need someone else to make it as you’ve lost motivation and I can’t do that. But gradually, you would have small amounts of smoothie through the day and gradually more wholesome ingredients would be added and itnwould get thicker. So here’s my plan. You have the Christmas holidays to get used to the idea of blended smoothies amd to dig out the blender. Then we are going to work our way through a list of basic smoothie recipes starting with the thinnies and you are going to post pictures of them and gradually get used to the taste of food again. I can’t have you wasting away on my watch! Now tell me to go to ****! 😄

        Liked by 1 person

        • You have me laughing out loud! The part about not telling me what’s in it….is right on the money! And, I would balk at nut milk or coconut water. I used to love sweets…I mean LOVE them. I lost my love of them too. BUT….I do still love vegetables. I just hate to buy them and watch them slowly rot. 😦
          I have actually gained a little weight since I doubled up on the Boost. Still probably what you’d call too skinny but I never thought the day would come! 🙂
          I have hated to cook for as long as I can remember. I did it for my family and I cooked pretty well but once I was on my own…no deal. I didn’t know how to cook for one. I was used to 6 or 7.
          I did buy a fruitcake the other day. I love fruitcake. It’s rotting, though. 😦

          Liked by 2 people

          • I am going to be caught up with non-stop visits (Mum is already here) so forgive me if I don’t respond for some time. I know what you mean about cooking for one, I still think we have a minimum of four in our family which always used to expand with out children’s friends and now their families, so when ity just us, the portions dont seem right. Fruit cake keeps for ages. I want to know what it looks like, smells like and tastes like, even if its just a crumb or two. Does it have marzipan and icing on it like a traditional Christmas cake? I used to make those once a upon a lifetime ago. My husband family always had plain fruit cake but ate dry, crumbly cheese with it (proper cheese, not processed). You can make savoury smoothies too. Make a list of what you like to begin with. Then we can select a half dozen items that you can buy in small amounts and use up in the blender within a few days. No stove, no cooking, no rotting. Have to log off now, bedtime. I am going to watch Blindspot to try to stop me thinking about Mum and how we’d manage if she had a fall while she’s here (she had one at home a few days ago and has a massive bruise on her arm). Talk to you soon. 😊


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