I don’t have a Christmas tree.
Actually, I have 15 Christmas trees. I just chose not to put them up.
Would you leave some Boost for me?
I have four cases so I’m set.
You could leave it at my door.
There is a box at my door right now.
I promise I’ve been good and I won’t ask for more.
Don’t know about being good and I’ve learned not to ask for anything.
You don’t have to fill my stocking.
You’re off the hook (and so is the stocking.)
Or read a pleading note.
I don’t write pleading notes, asshole.
I don’t want a car, a fur or something that will float.
Got a car, a couple of furs and a rubber duck. I’m good.
The cards fell wrong for me and I’m alone.
Hell yeah, and I’d rather be alone than live with a lying, cheating, disease-giving pig.
It’s now my way of life.
Yep. And like I said. It’s better than living with a lying, cheating, disease-giving pig.
But, once I was a mother.
Yes, I was and I’m afraid I was not a very good one.
Once I was a wife.
Biggest mistake I ever made. I’d have been better off being just another tramp.
I won’t ask for company.
I didn’t bother to decorate so I don’t think anybody would want to come over anyway.
For there’s nobody left.
Oh, they’re there. They just choose to visit somebody else.
I will be okay, though.
Yes I will, and I have been for the last several Christmases.
I will not be bereft.
I probably will be but that’s nothing new.
I will not ask for calls or texts.
I would prefer not to get obligatory or drunken calls or texts, so that’s why I won’t ask.
I know they will not come.
Nope. They won’t.
They will go to someone else.
Yep. They will go to all the important people. The people who matter.
So, I’ll pretend I’m numb.
No pretense. I already am.
A case of Boost is all I want.
Well, we all know I want Wentworth Miller but I’m trying to be realistic here.
It’s full of nutrients.
It is probably some of the worst crap you can drink but it beats having to turn on the stove and open a can of beans.
Please don’t deny my only wish.
You’ve denied so many of my wishes in the past, it wouldn’t be anything new.
Or show insouciance.
I had forty-one years of that. Don’t need any more.
If you would only bring some Boost.
That would be great, especially if it was free.
I’ll have a happy day.
I’m lying. What the fuck is a happy day?
I’ll drink it while I reminisce.
I do quite a bit of reminiscing this time of year. Gotta cut that shit out.
And pass the time away.
I learned how to pass the time away the first week I was married, so I’m a bit of an expert.
You don’t need to wrap it.
Well, if you had any newspaper handy, you could wrap it in that. That would certainly bring back memories.
Or add a big red bow.
No bows. They tend to get squished.
When I awake on Christmas morn.
I would actually like to sleep all day so I didn’t know it was Christmas.
From who it is, I’ll know.
I’ll know who it’s from. Merry Christmas, Laurel. From Laurel.
I’ve never stopped believing.
Are you fucking kidding me? I stopped believing in just about everything a long time ago and that includes you. I don’t even like you.
And I will be right here.
Where the hell else am I going to be? At a family gathering? Don’t be ridiculous.
So, while you’re loading up your sleigh,
Throw in some Boost. While you’re at it, kidnap Wentworth Miller but understand. He’s MINE. Don’t deliver him to anybody else!
Would you remember me this year?
You haven’t remembered me for the last four years but if you don’t remember me this year, I’m going to tell all the little kiddies that you aren’t fucking real. Okay? How about that?