Home » A Wasted Life » My Bucket List

My Bucket List

During that ridiculous forty-year farce that I thought was a marriage, I never got to go anywhere or do anything.

Now that I am free, I have decided to make a bucket list.  Most, if not all the things on it will never be realized, of course but it’s still fun to think about it.

1.  I’d like to ride in a helicopter.
(I did that!  I have the pictures to prove it….well, actually we’re on the ground so it’s not really proof, but I did it.  I was shaking like Tina Turner in her prime and I was sweating like a whore in church.  Apparently, we flew over Disneyland.  I had my eyes closed, praying for a quick death so I didn’t see it.)

2.  I’d like to do the Texas two-step with Harry Connick, Jr.
(That would be great if I knew him or actually knew how to do the Texas two-step.  Hell, I’d even be willing to buy me some cowboy boots and a faincy daincing dress but alas…I won’t be crossing that off my list.) 

3.  I’d like to visit the Space Needle in Seattle, Washington.
 (I’m not going to drive there.  That leaves flying and I’m askeered to get on an airplane, so I won’t be able to cross that one off my list, plus, I would NEVER go up to the top of that “needle” anyway.  I’m not afraid of heights but I’m afraid of that damn thing falling down.)

4.  I’d like to go to Nazareth.  I would love to walk some of the same paths that Jesus did.
(Again.  Not going to fly, so I can’t cross that one off, not to mention that the Earth would probably swallow me up because I’m not a good person and have no business tracing His steps.)

5.  I would like to leave a stone with four words on it.
(I’ve already got the stone made and definitely plan to leave it somewhere, but nobody will ever know where.  Who knows?  Some day, somebody might come across it and be prompted to write a story titled “The Find.”)

6.  I’d like to visit the Vietnam Veterans’ Wall in Washington, D. C.
(I’d have to drive, which I could do but I’m not going to go by myself, so I guess I can’t cross that one off.)

7.  I’d like to go to Las Vegas to (1) see my RBS,  (2) see the Bellagio (not to gamble because I’m not a gambler and even though my auto correct wants to change that to fellatio for some reason, I don’t want to do that either) and (3) to be sprayed by the water fountain in front of that naked, gold guy.
(Don’t want to do the fly thing, so all three of those are out.  Won’t get to cross them off.  Guess I’ll just settle for talking to my RBS on the telephone and seeing the hotel and fountain on those Oceans’ 11, 12 and 13 movies.)

8.  I’d like to visit the 911 memorial.  Not the waterfall one but the one where pieces of peoples’ lives are housed.
(Could probably make the drive but again, I’d have to go by myself and the idea that I would be loose in New York City in a car would probably trigger the end of the world, so I can’t cross that one off.)

9.  I’d like to visit Calvary.  I’d like to see the place where they crucified Jesus.
(I don’t know how anybody, whether a believer or not, could look at that site and not feel changed.  But, I’ll never make it there…airplanes…so no crossing that off my list.  Besides, if I did make it, the same thing would probably happen that happened when the crucifixion took place….earthquakes and lightning.)

10.  I’d love to visit Ireland, Scotland, Sweden, Switzerland, and England.  I believe that most of my ancestors on my daddys’ side came straight from England and Ireland.
(I’d give my left tit – and I’m very fond of my left tit – to be able to go there and am actually trying to talk myself into getting drugged up and doing it.  But they don’t allow drunk or drugged up people on the plane, do they?  So, probably can’t cross that off my list.)

11.  I’d like to drive a fire truck.
(My oldest daughter drove me around the block in hers and it was a thrill.  I’d be scared shitless and I’d probably wreck it but I’d still like to try.  It won’t happen so I can’t cross it off my list.  By not doing it, I will have most likely saved a truck. What’s that song?  “Save a truck…ride a firefighter?”)

12.  I’d like to smoke pot.
(I crossed that off not because I have already done it but because it doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  Have you ever smelled that shit?  IT STINKS!  And can you imagine me walking around stoned?  Oh, my Lucy!  There’s no telling what I would do.  I’d be likely to call for world peace or go completely postal.)

13.  I’d like to leave a legacy.
(I’ve already done that.  “That mama, grandma, ex-wife was bat-shit crazy.  She was an uneducated hillbilly whose stupid morality and unforgiving nature kept her from having a wonderful life with a lying, cheating, disease-giving narcissistic pig…and her children.  She didn’t understand how much more she would have been liked, if she had been just another tramp.”)

14.  I’d like to meet Wentworth Miller.
(It’ll never happen of course, so it’s one more thing that won’t be crossed off.  But, I mean….look at him.  Does anything else need to be said?)

15.  Once.  Just once, I’d like to know how it feels to be loved.
(I don’t believe in reincarnation and I didn’t believe in it the last time I was here…but maybe the next time I’m here, I can cross it off.)

99 thoughts on “My Bucket List

  1. 1) Missed you. 2) lost my damn phone and only got back into my wordpress today momma. Blurgh. GOOD STORIES! but this list is great. Flying is scary but you survived loser and his momma and your momma… You can do anything. YOURE AMAZING.

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    • Missed you too! I read your post about losing your phone. Assholes who steal…there should be an app on phones that sense when somebody else is fucking with them. After five seconds, they blow up….like those Samsungs. LOL (Hey…maybe I’ve come up with an idea!)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. #2 just needs a small edit. Go to the Harry Connick, Jr show and I am most certain he will dance with you. That would be awesome.
    I love Vegas. When you get to checking that one off of your list – I will meet you there. 😊 Vegas is always a great time!

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  3. I have and have had a lot of fear and anxiety about so many things. I have to have a talk with myself and push through. It’s taken some practice but I always remind myself, I am not in control and if this is my time to go, I’m going to go anyway, if it’s not then it might be fun! You need a flying buddy and possibly a strong cocktail or 4. Whatever works to get you there :).

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    • I’m not afraid of much. That’s one of the things Loser screamed at me in front of everybody on the plane…”you’re not afraid of anything. What the fuck’s the matter with you?” LOL
      I have had a drink before and I think I had two before I was being helped to the car by Loser. I’m not sure they’d let me on the plane. Plus….I got sick. LOL

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      • Oh no! Loser needs to be kneed in the crotch! What a meany! My ex was mean like that too. I always told him I needed the isle seat so I’d feel like I wasn’t so trapped. He’d always cram me in so he could have it. I think my stubbornness took charge and beat my anxiety down…I refused to let him know he got me. He would’ve LOVED to yell at me and tell me I was stupid if I had a panic attack. We picked some winners didn’t we! Whew!
        I understand your fear…I wish I could help you.

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  4. I love this but we’ve got to figure out this flying thing so you can’t get it all done!!! Why don’t you like flying? Just curious? If you can’t do it then maybe you can find a place to do it virtually. Better than nothing right ;)!! You could get high again, spray some fabreeze and put one of those virtual head gear thingies on and have a ball. Heehee! Go for it!

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    • Well, I’ve never been high. Smoking pot just kind of fell off my list, as far as something I’d like to try. I don’t understand the schematics of flying…something as big as a house…taking flight….and maybe it’s the lack of control…not to mention the way Loser made me feel the few times I flew with him. There’s also the crashing and lest we ever forget…driving them into buildings. 😦

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      • Smoking pot isn’t my thing either but sometimes I’m just blah blah blah πŸ™‚. I think all of things too about flying. I hope you can conquer it because some of the places you want to visit sound great.

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      • Ativan is amazing. I think the flying bit has something to do with knowing someone else is in total control and you have already had that for 40 years and its not on your list to have it happen again. but what about a cruise that gets you someplace?

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        • Not being in control is probably one aspect of my fear, coupled with the way Pig-shit treated me the few times I did actually fly. Also, 911 certainly added to that fear. I always wanted Loser to take me on a cruise but of course, he never did. Now…there is so much crap with them…diseases, people falling overboard…air conditioners not working…running into bridges….YIKES!
          And, if I’m high on Ativan and the plane goes down, I wouldn’t have enough wits about me to beat the shit out of the pilot! LOL

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            • Too late! LOL
              I was thinking about it the other day and what do I see on the news? Almost an entire soccer team from Brazil was wiped out in a plane crash. They think it “ran out of gas.” How the hell does an airplane run out of gas? I thought about my son, who spent a year in Brazil….playing soccer. 😦

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              • But he was ok. I don’t know how it all happens but plane crashes are incredibly rare especially from established Western airlines . You would be great. You can be great. Hes gone. Stop letting him control you.

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                • Oh, I’m scared enough without his influence. LOL
                  My youngest daughter just sent me an email. It said “it’s your mom’s bday.”
                  I thought “what the hell? Is she drunk? It’s not my birthday!”
                  Oops. It’ MY mamas’ birthday.

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  5. I love your list! I remember I made one about 2 years ago and I fulfilled some of them. I would like to do #1, 10, and 14 (b) on the list. #12 I actually tried a year ago and I end up with a huge headache, felt like I was floating on air, and being self conscious. So you’re afraid of planes, yet you went on a helicopter? Traveling around Europe has always been a dream of mine, but its costly. As for feeling love, what I’ve come to understand is that it’s not meant to be forever, nor will it last. We all hope for that fantasy man, don’t we?

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    • Yes, a helicopter. I used to think I would get on a small plane. I think the reasoning is that they’re small. I know about thrust and lift but those huge machines that are as big as a house, make no sense to me as far as staying up in the sky.
      I probably need to add something to my list….LEARN HOW TO COUNT. LOL I didn’t realize that I had 2 #14s.
      As far as a fantasy man…I guess Wentworth’s that for me. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “[S]weating like a whore in church” πŸ™‚ Love that. Normally I steal great lines from bloggers, but I’m going let you keep that one even if you didn’t make it up. πŸ™‚

    No one should be forced to fly if they’re not comfortable doing so. But I do think you should find a friend to drive with you to DC. I lived there 20 years and still didn’t get around to see everything. It’s a great place to visit. Go!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Wowooowoow thats indeed adventurous….. Vegas and fellatio haha indeed awesome….
    That stone thing was indeed quite umm what should I say cool…..
    You have smoked a pot??? Hahaha wow…. You rock girl

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  8. Hmmm. You were talking about going to visit S, right. Need to fly to do that. Well like you said, you’re working on it.

    Who is your RBS? Text it to me if your want.

    Love…. my list said “to know the love of a good man.” I was lucky enough to have others who loved me. But not a man the way I crave. Maybe it will happen still.

    Btw, I love you, lol. 😊

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  9. Damn it, Laurel.
    You make a bucket list that you’ve pre-decided you either can’t or won’t or aren’t worthy of.
    So what will it take for you to overcome your hesitation to get on a plane?
    And why not Wentworth Miller?
    I promise…Vegas is not all its cracked up to be…and triggered the hell out of me.
    The Holy Land? It is calling your name…calling you home…and there, you will find love.
    HUGS beautiful friend. You are worthy.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’d never heard of #14, so I Googled an image. And yeah. Now I get it. But what would you say? Me? I’d just stand there in a puddle of drool. :3 #15…that’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry. 😦 I hope you get to cross it off before you toddle off. Everyone should feel loved by someone.

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  11. Laurel,

    You need to make a bigger or better list as you have added stuff you will never do. Leave Miller on it…you never know; and just in case…learn the two-step. You can find it on YouTube!

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    • It’s too late to put other things that might have in the past, come to fruition. If I could just get on one of those flying machines, there are SO many of them I could do….but I am just deathly afraid….not to mention the couple of times I did fly….Loser treated me like a piece of shit.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Your bucket is the best and truest one ever…

    That’s what I consider a bucket list..
    things you would to do.. and
    Places you would like to go..

    But .. know damn well..
    the possibility of having them fulfilled is nil…

    I have a few myself ..

    And # last.. I will say..
    meee tooo…

    I would love to feel loved.. even once..
    But the chances of that gets dimmer with each passing day…

    Hahahaha πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    Thanks for the laugh πŸ˜‚..

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  13. If I had the money and nerve to fly I’d love to go all the above with you! It would be a hoot, except where Jesus walked and died. That would be wonderful. And that love thing, I never had that either.

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