Home » A Wasted Life » On “Being Second.”

On “Being Second.”

I read a friends’ post about being “second.”  There are many ways to be second.  At one time, my daughters and I were thinking about having a business.  We were going to call it “Second Hand Roses” because I was a second wife, my oldest daughter is a second wife and my middle daughter is a second wife.

But there is a difference in actually being second as a number and the act of being made to feel second…or being treated like you are second.

Women have been involved with “men” (and I use that term loosely) who have left them for another woman, yet they continue to make contact.  These women then, become relegated to being second.  They receive attention when the OW is otherwise pre-occupied.  These men lie to the OW and contact the FW (first woman) or the W (wife) on the sly.

I left my ex because he was a lying, cheating, disease-giving scumbag…and yes, because I was always treated like I was second or third or fourth or last.  After he found his last (hopefully) WTC, he made it clear that he intended to keep her AND still have me but I was going to be second.  He (although still married to me) was going to treat the WTC like his wife and I was going to be his back-door tramp.  I was going to be second…again.

I’ve had friends whose “exes” had the same idea.  They decided to stay with the OW but cannot seem to give up the FW or the W.  I have had friends who have been contacted by the OW, with vicious, scathing attacks such as “he was only with you for sex” or “he was with you out of a sense of obligation.”  The illusions these OW have, harken back to high school mentality.  To those OW, I’ve got a big newsflash for you.  “Hold onto your knickers, sweeties.  If your scumbag cheated on their FW or W with you, you can bet your sweet bippy that they have or will cheat on you with that same FW or W, or another woman….and I KNOW.  YOU’LL be second and not even know it.”

These “men” seem to love to pit their women against each other.  What is it about these scumbags that make them feel so entitled?  I was fortunate that the WTC and I didn’t have any personal contact.  There were no emails or texts…only these “mysterious” pictures and notes which arrived in the mail, saying “just to be clear, he belongs to me now.”  I imagine there was a little cowardice there.  Loser knew and although he said “I would never stand for the WTC to say anything bad about you,” he did nothing.  (Sending that to me was a real ego boost for him.  It meant “she cared.”)

Are these OW trying to emulate these scumbags by also trying to make us feel like we are second?

Why do these scumbags think it is an ego-booster when they play both sides against the middle?  Why do these men consistently lie to the OW and sneak behind their backs to contact the FW or the W?  I guess the illicitness is appealing which again, proves what scumbags these men really are.

It seems that some of these men, secretly hope the OW will find evidence of contact with the FW or the W.  A fight will surely ensue and then the scumbag will have the absolute thrill of two women fighting over him.  There’s nothing quite as ego-boosting as a good old cat fight…but I would imagine that there is nothing quite as uncomfortable as trying to convince one of them that they aren’t “second.”

That was a non-issue for me.  If Loser had been worth fighting for, I would have never left him.

These men have no problem treating women like they’re second.  Do they actually believe that the FW or the W is supposed to be content….now being second…now being covert….now being treated like a back-door tramp?

When I close a door on somebody, it is closed forever.  It is padlocked.  I then send it to a remote, long ago abandoned landfill to rot.  That’s the way it should be.  That’s what these scumbags deserve.  These men should never again, be allowed to treat any woman like they are second.

For some women, closing that door is difficult because they still have feelings.  They still have hope…but most of these men are never going to change.  If you are being or have been treated like you are second, odds are it will continue and most assuredly, if he is still with the OW.

Closing a door does not mean giving the person behind it a key.  It does not mean opening it when you hear a knock.  It does not mean that, during a moment of weakness, you should let them in and once again, settle for being second.  If a scumbag is sneaking around on the OW with you, you can bet he is sneaking around on you with her or yet another woman.

Loser once told me “I know one thing…and that is, I will never treat you like you are second again.”  Two days later, he called me and told me that my children and I were not allowed to come to his daddys’ funeral because it might “upset” his precious, fucking, drunken mama.  Yep….he sure never made me feel second again.

It only took another eight years to close and padlock that door.  Second?  NEVER AGAIN.

27 thoughts on “On “Being Second.”

  1. HUCKLEBERRY, SOME THINGS JUST FIT CERTAIN PEOPLE LIKE HUCKLEBERRY FITS YOU LIKE LAUGHTER FITS ME. YOU ARE THE ONLY FEMALE HUCKLEBERRY ON PLANET EARTH. I CAN NOT EVEN CONCIEVE OF YOU AS SECOND TO ANYTHING. I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF BEING STRUCK BY DEATH RAYS FROM MARS THAN TO SEE YOU SETTLE FOR SILVER INSTEAD OF GOLD. YOU GOT SWAGGER GIRL AND THAT CAN NOT BE FAKED. DAMN, I THINK THAT IS THE ONLY TIME I HAVE EVER SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT. I MIGHT BE TURNING NICE. THOSE ASSCLOWNS WERE UP EARLY THIS MORNING. BUT, I DID NOT BITE. I HAVE GOT TO STOP THAT. NOT SOMETHING ABOUT ME THAT I WANT MY GRAND BABY TO EVER WITNESS. TIME TO CHANGE !

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    • Hey. There’s nothing wrong with being nice. LOL
      You can always post the comments. Then later you can delete them. I don’t care what my children or grandchildren read. If they don’t want to know the truth (and they don’t) then, they can go through life with blinders on.
      The asshats. Love it. You may just be trying to explain yourself to a cockroach. Have you ever tried to do that? Never a successful undertaking.
      Ah…I’ll never be second again but “somebody” had a diamond and they threw it away for cheap paste. I take great satisfaction knowing that cheap paste is going to get cloudy and start to turn. LOL

      Liked by 1 person

      • I WENT FOR THE KILL WITH THOSE GUY’S. IF SOMEONE EVER TALKS TO ME LIKE THAT IT WOULD TURN INTO A CRIME SCENE . THEY ARE ONLINE NOW. COWARDS HIDING BEHIND A KEY BOARD. IF BY SOME COSMIC ALIGNMENT I EVER RAN INTO YOUR X AND KNEW WHO HE WAS I PROMISE WHEN THE BODY HIT THE FLOOR HE WOULD KNOW I WAS. I THINK WE SHOULD GET A DNA TEST SOME ONE MAY HAVE FORGOT TO TELL US SOMETHING. YOU HAVE THAT SAME FIRE IN THE GUT AND HOT BLOOD THAT CAJUN WOMEN HAVE. THEY HATE WITH THE SAME PASSION THAT THEY LOVE. AT THE SAME TIME. I AM ASHAMED OF WHAT MY GENDER HAS BECOME AND THE THINGS THEY DO AND THEN I GET PAINTED WITH THE SAME BRUSH. I WAS BORN 150 YEARS TO LATE. GOD MUST HAVE BEEN TAKE’N A NAP. BUT, I HAVE BEEN ON ONE HELL OF A RIDE. I DO NOT HAVE A CLUE HOW TO BE A POPPA TO A BABY GIRL. NOT BEING ME IS A GOOD PLACE TO START. DON’T LET YOUR HATE FOR HIM EAT YOUR SOUL. DON’T GIVE HIM THE LAST DANCE. PEACE !!

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        • You know you can block these people, right? That’s an interesting thought about running into my ex but you would have to contend with that WTC as well and I have heard that she is a pretty rough character. (Don’t know…just heard.)
          Don’t let these trolls get to you. I don’t let them get to me. I’ve only had to block one of them. LOL

          Liked by 1 person

          • THEY ARE RIGHT UNDER YOU. DID YOU KNOW THAT A 18 YEAR OLD TODAY HAS 53% LESS TESTOSTERONE THAN AN 18 YEAR OLD IN 1945. THE GENE POOL HAS TO BE PROTECTED BEFORE IT’S TO LATE. THEY NEED TO SHUT UP, DO AS THEIR TOLD, STERILIZED, KNOW THEIR ROLE AND WE SHOULD HAVE A NATIONAL LOTTERY WHERE ALL THE WOMEN GET TO DRAW LOTS FOR THEM AND MAKE THEM THEIR PERSONAL BITCH.

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  2. Sometimes it goes the other way too. Someone I was very smitten with had a really weird relationship with her ex. I only found out about it, when I met a woman her ex had started to date after their divorce. But in this case, the new girlfriend was “second”:

    https://aboutdawn.wordpress.com/2016/05/28/how-could-she-not-know-that/

    To my surprise the new girlfriend was so wigged out by the weird relationship they had as ex’s, that she ended up dumping him.

    Kinda no surprise that they reconciled eight months later AFTER being separated for four years and divorced for three. I hope she doesn’t mess this up ansecond time.

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  3. Being second is just relegated to women. My ex always put our three kids before me, and she’d always put all of us behind everyone else. And not just a few times.

    Some of us guys have been hurt by this too.

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  4. ive been meaning to tell you that I have my own theory of WTC stands for and I’ve taking it to muttering, and sometimes yelling it, in my most ragey of road rage scenarios.

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  5. I’m like you, once that door is closed, it’s closed for good! And my Ex was the same way! He always expected me to come second to all of the, well I can’t find a non-offensive word to call them lol

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