I read a friends’ post about being “second.” There are many ways to be second. At one time, my daughters and I were thinking about having a business. We were going to call it “Second Hand Roses” because I was a second wife, my oldest daughter is a second wife and my middle daughter is a second wife.
But there is a difference in actually being second as a number and the act of being made to feel second…or being treated like you are second.
Women have been involved with “men” (and I use that term loosely) who have left them for another woman, yet they continue to make contact. These women then, become relegated to being second. They receive attention when the OW is otherwise pre-occupied. These men lie to the OW and contact the FW (first woman) or the W (wife) on the sly.
I left my ex because he was a lying, cheating, disease-giving scumbag…and yes, because I was always treated like I was second or third or fourth or last. After he found his last (hopefully) WTC, he made it clear that he intended to keep her AND still have me but I was going to be second. He (although still married to me) was going to treat the WTC like his wife and I was going to be his back-door tramp. I was going to be second…again.
I’ve had friends whose “exes” had the same idea. They decided to stay with the OW but cannot seem to give up the FW or the W. I have had friends who have been contacted by the OW, with vicious, scathing attacks such as “he was only with you for sex” or “he was with you out of a sense of obligation.” The illusions these OW have, harken back to high school mentality. To those OW, I’ve got a big newsflash for you. “Hold onto your knickers, sweeties. If your scumbag cheated on their FW or W with you, you can bet your sweet bippy that they have or will cheat on you with that same FW or W, or another woman….and I KNOW. YOU’LL be second and not even know it.”
These “men” seem to love to pit their women against each other. What is it about these scumbags that make them feel so entitled? I was fortunate that the WTC and I didn’t have any personal contact. There were no emails or texts…only these “mysterious” pictures and notes which arrived in the mail, saying “just to be clear, he belongs to me now.” I imagine there was a little cowardice there. Loser knew and although he said “I would never stand for the WTC to say anything bad about you,” he did nothing. (Sending that to me was a real ego boost for him. It meant “she cared.”)
Are these OW trying to emulate these scumbags by also trying to make us feel like we are second?
Why do these scumbags think it is an ego-booster when they play both sides against the middle? Why do these men consistently lie to the OW and sneak behind their backs to contact the FW or the W? I guess the illicitness is appealing which again, proves what scumbags these men really are.
It seems that some of these men, secretly hope the OW will find evidence of contact with the FW or the W. A fight will surely ensue and then the scumbag will have the absolute thrill of two women fighting over him. There’s nothing quite as ego-boosting as a good old cat fight…but I would imagine that there is nothing quite as uncomfortable as trying to convince one of them that they aren’t “second.”
That was a non-issue for me. If Loser had been worth fighting for, I would have never left him.
These men have no problem treating women like they’re second. Do they actually believe that the FW or the W is supposed to be content….now being second…now being covert….now being treated like a back-door tramp?
When I close a door on somebody, it is closed forever. It is padlocked. I then send it to a remote, long ago abandoned landfill to rot. That’s the way it should be. That’s what these scumbags deserve. These men should never again, be allowed to treat any woman like they are second.
For some women, closing that door is difficult because they still have feelings. They still have hope…but most of these men are never going to change. If you are being or have been treated like you are second, odds are it will continue and most assuredly, if he is still with the OW.
Closing a door does not mean giving the person behind it a key. It does not mean opening it when you hear a knock. It does not mean that, during a moment of weakness, you should let them in and once again, settle for being second. If a scumbag is sneaking around on the OW with you, you can bet he is sneaking around on you with her or yet another woman.
Loser once told me “I know one thing…and that is, I will never treat you like you are second again.” Two days later, he called me and told me that my children and I were not allowed to come to his daddys’ funeral because it might “upset” his precious, fucking, drunken mama. Yep….he sure never made me feel second again.
It only took another eight years to close and padlock that door. Second? NEVER AGAIN.