Home » A Wasted Life » It Could Only Happen To Me – Part One

It Could Only Happen To Me – Part One

I just had quite an adventure!  I had to make another trip to Florida for the repair of that implant that fell out.  The dentist promised me that he could get everything done in three days, so I took him at his word.

I arrived at the motel around 3:30 Sunday afternoon.  Let’s see.  To put it nicely, I had just checked in to the Roach Motel.  I really didn’t need to stay at the Ritz Carlton but I did expect a clean room.

I noticed the homeless guy, standing with his “will work for beer” sign but they are everywhere these days, so it wasn’t anything shocking.

When I was looking for a place to park, a woman was talking on her cell phone and said “okay.  If you’re not going to at least tell me your name, I’m going to block this fucking number.”  The guy standing on the balcony of the second floor was apparently doing a drug deal.  He said “cash only, mother fucker.”

I have an idea that this is the kind of motel that will rent you a room by the hour.  How did I end up here?  Well, it is about a mile from where I used to live, which is considered one of the “rich” suburbs of Orlando.  The pictures on line looked good, I knew the area and it was very close to the dentist so I thought I had lucked out.

Along about 10:30, I was whipped so I decided to hit the sack.  I pulled back the covers and was greeted by a cockroach.  I thought “what is that WTC doing in my bed?”
Nobody told me that they allowed vermin to take refuge there, but given the homeless man, the drug dealer and the “lady of the evening,” I don’t know why I was surprised.  Then, I noticed that there was hair in the sheets and they smelled like body odor.  The office had long since closed, so I spent the night sitting in a chair.

It was okay because it meant I could keep an eye on my car.  I figured there was a very good possibility that it either wouldn’t be there in the morning or if it was, it probably wouldn’t have all the tires.

The remote for the television (one of those dinosaurs with the big backs) didn’t work so the only way to turn it on and off was to plug in in and unplug it.  The “free HBO” didn’t exist.  The mirror in the bathroom had obviously never been cleaned.

My dentist appointment was at 8:00 Monday morning and pursuant to my usual luck….I had to come back Wednesday.  When I got there, the implant cover still wasn’t ready.  He told me I would have to come back the next Tuesday.  I almost went postal.

The hurricane was coming and the office was going to be shut the next day, which was Thursday.  I had to check out of the room on Friday.  I think he knew that I was liable to either say “okay” or gut him where he stood.  He and his assistant came in on Thursday, just for me.  He had the radio on and we were listening to the weather.

The more Denise (his assistant) listened, the more she started crying and shaking.  Now, she is two inches away from my face, holding scalpels and hatchets and Dr. Z is telling her to calm down.  I sat up and turned to try to comfort her and what did I do?  I chipped my front tooth on the arm of the light.  YAY!  No biggie….that was just going to require a crown.

We all froze for a minute.  Dr. Z told Denise to go get the tray and the “mixture.”  He took an impression so he could make a crown.  In the meantime, he made one of those covers that people often get for pictures, when they have crooked or missing teeth.  It took only a few minutes.
NOW…I have to come back on Tuesday for the crown but ONLY if they don’t lose power and can fashion the tooth…or I could could come back later in the month.

I told him I COULD NOT drive all the way back home and then drive all the way back down in five days and I was NOT going to come back later in the month.  He told me that if I waited a few weeks and he would pay for my trip.  I told him I would let him know.  The hurricane was fast approaching and I was worried about my car being out in the open.  It was actually okay, though.  The Roach Motel never lost power and there was little to no wind.

The next morning, I went to the front desk and she told me I had to get out.  (Well, hell. Was it something I said?)  All the Duke Energy guys were there and they had taken all the rooms.  I mentioned not being able to sleep in the bed the first night and she said “oh, we gave you a credit.”  I looked at the final bill and they had given me a whopping $15.00 back!

There were no hotel rooms ANYWHERE so I called a friend of mine I used to know when I lived there.  Her son and my son were best friends and enjoyed a life of crime and alcoholism together.

She said “sure!  Come on over.  We haven’t had power since early Thursday morning but you’re welcome to come over.”  The entire city and surrounding areas were on lock-down and the curfew wasn’t going to be lifted until Saturday morning.  None of the traffic lights were working and nothing and I mean NOTHING was open…not even the money-grubbing Wal-Mart.

I took a chance of getting shot or arrested and headed to her house.  A patrol car spotted me weaving around the neighborhood and started following me.  At one point, I was wondering if I was having a TIA or something because I kept drifting to the left side of the road.  I finally realized that the wind was so strong, it was pushing my car.  There was shit all over the road and peoples’ yards but I managed to make it to her house before trees started giving up and taking a rest across the roads.  The patrol car gave up as well and just let me drive all over the road like an inebriated tourist.
What should have been a five minute drive at most, turned into almost forty minutes.

Ah…and the story continues……

24 thoughts on “It Could Only Happen To Me – Part One

  1. Oh, damn…definitely an unwanted adventure! That motel sounds gawd-awful, too…I would have sat in a chair, too – after putting down heavy layers of toilet-paper or something! Those sheets sound as if they hadn’t been washed for a week or more…EEEEWWWWWWW!!!


  2. That was quite an adventure!! Spending the night alone in that hotel was even more scary I think!! I hope it worked out with the dentist. Eagerly waiting for part 2!!
    You write very well, it very fluent and easy to read 😀


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