Home » A Wasted Life » Fucking Dreams

Fucking Dreams

The night before last, I dreamed about the Loser puppet.  We were at one of our old houses but I was aware that we weren’t together anymore.  His mama and daddy were there.  Loser had dark hair and was young.  The few times I have dreamed about him, he has been young.
There was a leak in the living room and the floors were flooding but only where we were.

I looked around and noticed this nice blue furniture.  I thought “it figures that they would wait until we weren’t together anymore to give us some nice things.”  (They never gave us anything.)

The next thing I remember was walking down a hallway outside the house.  The Loser puppet and his parents were coming out the door.  I turned around and in almost a mad dog snarl said, “I HATE YOU.”  He looked down and said “I’m getting tired of this.”
I turned around and in the same snarl, said “I have been tired of this for YEARS.”

Then we were back in the house and his mama had fixed fried vegetables and was giving them to my children, who were small.  The water was still coming in the room but nobody seemed to care.  I just remember thinking “I have to get out of here.”

————————————-

Last night, I dreamed I was shopping with my oldest daughter.  We were at some kind of indoor flea market or something.  I could tell that she didn’t want to be there…with me.  She was being surly and acting annoyed.

I picked up something and she said (in what was her normal accusatory voice) “where is your eye?”  I told her I didn’t need my eye anymore and I wasn’t sure why.
(I used to have to wear “readers” to see fine print and called them “my eye” but sometime last year, my eyes corrected themselves…now cue The Twilight Zone music.)

She looked at me like she absolutely despised me.  She started fumbling around, trying to find something for me to read so that she could prove that I was a liar…and I knew that’s what she was doing.

I remember looking at her and wondering why she hated me so much.

39 thoughts on “Fucking Dreams

    • I used to have an eye in every room. It’s so bizarre that one day I just woke up and didn’t need it anymore. I remember my mama crocheting and the book with the pattern in it, was laying on the floor and when she got to a new row…she just looked at the floor and read it. I guess that’s one good thing she gave me. LOL

      Like

  1. Talk about skeletons in the closet! These were just living creatures in your dreams. I think maybe your subconscious was telling you how you should have handled it during your youth.

    Like

  2. What shitty dreams. I’d be angry too. Have you tried exorcising his presence through appreciations? I’ve read that writing down 3 things you appreciate or are grateful for at the end of the evening prior to going to sleep can impact dreams. You appreciate us, right? Because I know we appreciate you and your amazing writing!! HUGS, dear Laurel.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve never heard of such a thing. LOL…at first I thought you were going to say write down three things you appreciate about HIM!
      I guess I could try that. I just don’t understand why I would suddenly start dreaming about him….and my daughter NOW…..especially when I never dreamed about them before. Maybe it’s the retrograde thing going around. I never heard of that either but apparently it really fucks with you. YIKES!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Dreaming about your house is supposed to be representative of your… Whole self. And so maybe you are telling yourself that loser puppet and family are still flooding/ruining your house/self. And telling him you hate him is excercisint that demon. Now go enjoy the life you have because he is finally out of your life. Eat some cornbread. Sit on your porch. Go visit some old people in the hospital. Find some people who need a little love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I had come cornbread! I haven’t had anything solid to eat in several days. I was thinking I should make some macaroni and cheese (a comfort food) but it’s too much trouble. LOL
      Visit old people? I am an old people!

      Like

      • No you’re not. You’re feisty. And please make yourself some food or call uber food and get some delivered. Ensure is meant to be an addition, not your whole diet. Your best revenge to puppet and dummy or whatever her name is- is living well. Actually living. Fuck them. You hate him. Show them what your made of by eating a sandwich..

        Like

        • UGH. I actually bought some coffee for my Keurig…and it’s too much trouble to even make that! I don’t know what happened to me.
          I’d love to have a sandwich…but I’d have to fix it….and the last couple of times I tried to eat something, I could only take three bites and I was full.
          It’s been three years since I lost my appetite. I just can’t seem to get it back.
          BTW…do you still have my email address?

          Like

  4. I used to be tormented by my ex in dreams. I hated them!!! Recently I had to get his signature for my car to be in my name only. So I went by and he looked very I’ll. I found out he has stage 4 cancer in his kidney which had spread to his bone in his back. I don’t know how I feel about this yet. I feel bad for him that he is going through this alone, but if he hadn’t abused me for 17 yrs. he wouldn’t have too. We make our own beds I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is food for thought. You could look at it as Karma and sometimes she can be a real bitch (or so I’ve heard.) I don’t imagine you do know how to feel….but like you say…if he hadn’t been so abusive…he would have you.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Those type of dreams are terrible. I had one abusive boyfriend, and out of every guy I ever dated, HE’S the one I dream about. I always wake up feeling like I want to poop myself…not literally, but that adrenaline rush type feeling. o_O Hope you have better dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I had some dreams over the past few nights that freaked me out. One was about my job – my boss was very disappointed with me for some reason. I can’t remember the reason, but I woke up shaken about it. In last night’s dream, H told me everything was great and we were going to be fine together, and then introduced me to his new fiancé. 😳
    I think I need to go back on sleeping pills, because I don’t remember dreams when I take them. It’s better that way.
    ☀️

    Like

    • Oh man! Your H told you everything was going to be fine and then introduced you to his fiancé?!!!!
      I would have been punching my pillow when I woke up from that one!
      I took pills for about three years. If I hadn’t, I’d be in an asylum because I absolutely could not sleep.
      When I moved where I am now, I left the pills behind. I still don’t sleep much and sometimes not at all but it’s not good (especially for women) to take sleeping pills for an extended period of time. (It was probably some fucking man who wrote that.) LOL

      Like

      • Yeah, that was NOT a good dream.
        I went for the first six months without pills, and the past eight months with them. I don’t really like taking them, and the ones that work best are expensive, so I’m weaning myself off. I don’t like these weird dreams I’m having though!

        Like

      • I get revenge every day, but only in my mind…. I have lots of things planned for him, nasty, evil things but… you are right too much trouble and I have wasted enough of my life with this fucker so…. but some days, boy is it tempting! I am surprised your therapist told you that… very surprised…

        Liked by 1 person

  7. God I hate these kind of dreams. The other day I had a nightmare. My ex pulled the gun at me and abducted my boys. It was so vivid and real. My emotions, my anguish, my despair. I woke up crying and the day didn’t get any better. Ughhh

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s