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This Drinking Thing

I have thought several times about becoming a drinker. You know, just toss one back once a day or once an hour or every time my glass is empty (like the drunken ex MIL.)

What would I drink…or not drink?

There’s beer.

Beer comes in cans, bottles, glasses and apparently, cases. One time, Loser and I were going to #1s house and she asked us to pick up a case of beer on our way.  Loser sent me in to get it of course.  I just told him that #1 had asked us to get some beer.
When we got to #1s house, she looked at me and said “I asked you to get a case.”  I said “this is a case, isn’t it?” She rolled her eyes and said “no, mom.  That’s a six-pack.”
Well, hell.  It was in a nice little case.  It had two holes in the top for your fingers to carry it.
I think that was the last time she ever asked mom to buy beer and she was lucky that I actually did it that time.

When they were younger, I refused to buy beer for the Loser puppet.  It annoyed him and he asked me why I wouldn’t do it.  I said “because that cashier might think it’s for me.”

So, is beer for me?  Um…have you ever really looked closely at a glass of beer?  It looks like a severely dehydrated person peed in a glass…complete with foam.  Now, if it’s a dark beer, it looks like that same severely dehydrated person peed in a glass and has a raging UTI.  It even smells like somebody peed in a glass.

And, have you ever slept next to somebody who had beer breath?  Talk about disgusting!  I think I was the only teetotaler in the world who consistently woke up with a hangover.
Beer?  For me?  NO!

There’s wine.

I have had lots of wine poured into my glass at a function or a dinner but Loser always drank it for me.  Wine looks like grape juice, which I like but never drink…but it smells like somebodys’ feet.  I couldn’t get it past my nose. Sometimes, the Loser puppet would say “just take a sip.” Right.  That would be like licking my sons’ toes right after a soccer game.
I have also been known to pour five-hundred dollar bottles of wine down the drain.  They were Christmas gifts and I figured by mid-January they had gone bad so I poured them out.  Thank goodness, the Loser puppet didn’t pay much attention to anything that was going on.
Wine?  Nah, I’ll pass.

There’s liquor.

I don’t know much about liquor.  I know the Loser puppet liked Jack Daniels (whiskey, maybe?)  When I think of whiskey, I think of dusty, old cowboys, stopping by a saloon for a drink and a poke.
Loser also liked this beautiful blue gin stuff.  I’m not sure if the gin itself was blue or if the bottle was blue.

When I was 55, my daughters made me my first drink.  It was cherry Vodka mixed with cherry 7-up.  I will admit that it was pretty good.  As long as it didn’t taste like booze, I could tolerate it, but back then, I would have much rather had a glass of milk.

Since I had broken my lifelong bonds of abstinence, the Loser puppet decided to make us a drink.  I was out doing the yard work, while he read and went to the bathroom…the important things.  I came in to sit under the fan for a minute because it was a hundred and eighty thousand degrees outside.  He made us a piña colada.

Here’s where I might get into trouble, should I become a drinker.  I scarfed that drink down like it was a cool, refreshing glass of water.  He hadn’t even walked back to the kitchen before I said “that was good.  Can I have another one?”  He suggested that I wait, thankfully.
I recall being able to drive the Deere back into the garage. A few days later, I found the weed-wacker under a bush in the back yard.  (Note to self.  No drinking while doing yard work.)

I have the perfect lifestyle for drinking but as a former EMT, I know that the one thing you don’t do is drink alone. But…imagine.  I could plop down on my sofa with my drinky-poo, watch television or a movie and just go “whee!”
I think I could afford it although I have no idea how much booze costs.

I also think about all the drunks that were in my life…that fucking former monster-in-law, the Loser puppet and my son.
Would I want to become them?  Could I become them? Who would be around to warn me that I might be drinking too much?  Even if the Loser puppet and I were still together, he would most likely treat me the same way his daddy treated his mama.  Throw a blanket over her and pretend that she wasn’t passed out drunk on the floor.

Would it get to the place that, like my son, I would be willing to do anything for a drink?  Would I be willing to steal?

I don’t know but I don’t imagine that would ever be the case.  I just don’t have the gene or whatever it is, to enjoy or even be interested in drinking.
It never once occurred to me that the day I turned 21, I would have a drink and yes, had I been interested in drinking, I would have waited until it was legal.

I have promised my dear friend Deb, that I will have a drink with her when I visit Florida.  As long as I don’t have to drive a car or a Deere or worry about where I put her yard tools, I should be okay.

So…to drink or not to drink.  That is the question.

33 thoughts on “This Drinking Thing

  1. I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. There was a time when I wished I could take up drinking to help numb the pain, but I just couldn’t get past that God awful taste! In the end, I’m glad I haven’t gotten used to it. Drunk people do stupid shit.

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  2. You are good. I have been a “good girl” and a “good wife” and a “good mother” in the sense that I never got drunk…apart from one time, by mistake: I did not know what was in the glass. But I got drunk many times when I busted his bubble by catching him screwing around. It is sad….I know. The truth is ugly. I do not do it anymore. I got too skinny…pretty much underweight. I need to choose to prioritie me and my health.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nothing wrong with having a drink now and then and nothing wrong with never having one. Whatever works for you. I have one every so often but alcoholism runs rampant in my family so I keep it in check. My favorite is Malibu rum and pineapple juice. They go down a little too smoothly though.

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  4. Drinking won’t take this deep hurt and pain away but a little buzz, a drink or two of something you enjoy the taste of wound’t hurt either… I have been though much the same as you and the other women here and I know that drinking never solved anything but a little buzz sure is nice once in a while to take the end off the pain…. much peace and light to you, Michelle.

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  5. It sounds as though you are handling the situation just fine. I drink a glass of wine with food and friends a few times a week. I never drink alone or without food. I like wine because I associate it with happy occasions.

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    • I think a glass of wine with dinner always looks so elegant. I remember my doctor trying to get me to drink a glass of wine every night because I couldn’t sleep when I was pregnant (or any other time, really.)
      I said “I don’t drink.” He looked at me and said “wine isn’t drinking.” LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it’s a personal choice. I used to drink alcohol a long time ago in my twenties. I wasn’t really much of a drinker. But I enjoyed the sweet stuff like kahlua and baileys. I also liked sake and Irish coffee. Wine reminds me of my first very abusive marriage. He used to drink wine then go all crazy on me. So that’s a big no no for me. I think you should just go for a virgin pina colada 😉

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  7. I feel ya.. I was always condemned for going out and having a great time without drinking..
    I finally had my first drink at 40
    I’ve never been drunk but I have learned to enjoy a drink
    even a buzz.. Still haven’t smoked pot
    But never say never..
    What I learned is that I always enjoy life
    any which way I choose to live it. . And that is all that matters.. So go enjoy your moments as you choose💕

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  8. I’ll make sure it tastes good, lol. But honestly, I lived with a raging alcoholic. I could never become one, I just don’t, like you, have the gene for it. I like the sweet drinks, but I’m diabetic, so don’t do them, really. Not a beer drinker either. I went on a 10 day cruise, I bought 6 drinks. I know people whose bar bill was higher than the bill for the cruise. But I do enjoy sipping on one after a long week at work, or when it’s really hot outside, and I’m just feeling laid back and happy. I NEVER drink when I’m upset. I remember when it fell apart with S, and my I went to a friends house who offered me a glass of wine. No…..I said. I think I’d throw up. That was called the break-up diet. The silver lining to having your heart smashed into 1000 tiny pieces. Well, the weight stayed off and so did he, lol.

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  9. I’ve never been much of a drinker either. It always left me feeling terrible and with bipolar I would get depressed. So I decided years ago it wasn’t for me, although the buzz was nice!

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  10. I love that you’re a woman who has strong principles. But I think you have been surrounded by people who are seriously dependant on liquor and it makes it seem… Like an evil in and of itself. Your character, your commitment to who you are and what you believe in, and your ability to abstain this long- shows that you’re absolutely capable of either being a social drinker or not. If anything, I think your incredibly negative view of it is what makes people so intent on making you drink, or what makes them uncomfortable. I think your negative experiences make you very wary of anyone who wants to drink because they have the potential to be like puppet, or son, or MIL…. When really, most people just enjoy the flavour (yep, acquired taste) or want to relax a bit, and don’t want to be scrutinized as a potential addict in training- so they want you to understand it from their perspective, not a subject of abuse by someone who overindulges. I have on occasion been drunk, and I have been known to have a glass of wine or two at dinner throughout the week. I like a cocktail here or there because as you said- they can be yummy- but also dangerous! But I wouldn’t want to bug you to try It, or expect you to drink with me if we ever meet. I would however hope that you would watch and listen and see people around you and realize that not everyone who drinks a bit is a monster. It’s just that YOUR monsters happened to drink. And that might help your perspective shift a bit. Your commentary around liquor seems quite judgemental sometimes which is why I think people want to initiate you. They want you to stop seeing liquor as the boogeyman, or making them feel less than because they have a drink or two and you don’t. It may not be intentional, but it’s how they feel. I know I wrote about a particularly boozy weekend with my girlfriends and as I was posting it thought “momma is going to be so disappointed in me, she doesn’t drink at all and I’m here drowning my sorrows” … It was enormous guilt for someone I have never actually met, but I have tremendous respect for.

    I love you, and I don’t care if you never touch a drop or not. And the weed whacker story is hilarious.

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    • Thank you for your comment. I know very few people who don’t drink and I don’t condemn them for it…yet I was ALWAYS condemned for not drinking.
      I found out that many of our friends thought I was an alcoholic because I didn’t drink.
      They never understood that somebody had to drive. They didn’t seem to have a problem with my sobriety when it was time for them to get home safely.
      I had a drink or two (I can’t remember) with Loser and got hammered. I threw up all over everything. He was actually kind to me. It was a first for us…40 years together and we had never shared a drinking experience….but I knew he hated me because I didn’t drink.
      People don’t push me to drink…maybe because I’m not around people anymore.
      I’d love to share another drink with my daughters but they no longer speak to me.
      It always bothered me that I was considered “less” simply because I didn’t drink.
      My daughters would say “you’re the only person in the world who has never had a drink or smoked pot or done anything wrong…like I was diseased or something.
      I intend to have a drink with Deb. I trust her to look after me. LOL
      Again, thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

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