Home » A Wasted Life » Another Birthday

Another Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday.  Just another ordinary day.

I kind of thought maybe my cyber-husband would remember but he didn’t.  I guess now I’m going to have to file for divorce…for something like “failure to remember.”  Do you think those are legitimate grounds?  (I forgive him.)

I had to go to the pharmacy to get a scrip filled for an antibiotic.  My dentist insisted after the implant he put in to replace the tooth he shattered….fell out.  Now, I have a gaping hole in my gum but it’s a back molar so again, I don’t look like Bubbas’ sister/wife.

I considered getting a tiny birthday cake but they didn’t have any tiny birthday cakes.  I wandered up and down the isles, looking at food and thinking about how much nothing appealed to me.

Suddenly, I heard the song “I feel good.”  I looked up and this rather large man was trying to get his phone out of his pocket to turn down the volume.  He started talking to me and the conversation morphed into me getting out my phone so he could look at it.  I told him I had music on it but I couldn’t figure out how to play it.  He showed me all of his songs…love songs….songs that I care nothing about anymore but I tried to act interested.

He was an ex-police officer and wanted me to hear his ring tone.  It was a siren.  We chatted a few more minutes and it was pleasant but I found myself wanting to get away from him.  As I was walking away, he said “take care baby girl.”
Take care baby girl?  What the fuck is that?

Later that night, I got an email alert.  It was from my middle daughter.  I didn’t really want to read it but after about an hour, I opened it and read it.  It said “Happy Birthday, Mom!”…like I still lived in the same town….like we were still talking….like we were friends.  I had emailed her on the 26th of May and I had heard nothing from her.  I don’t imagine I ever would have…had it not been my birthday.

“Happy Birthday Mom.”  Succinct…non-committal…safe…obligatory.  I guess she’s reserving a lengthy conversation for Loser and that WTC, who are going to Florida next week to celebrate all the June birthdays with my children.

I haven’t had a happy birthday in many, many years…especially the last four.  Last year, I met with Loser after my birthday (and his) and he looked at me with those lying, mournful eyes and said “I really wanted to get you a birthday card but I figured you’d tear it up and give it back to me.”
Goddamn right.
I wonder if he would have taken that WTC with him to pick it out or if he would have hidden it from her?  My money’s on his usual antics…lying and hiding.

So…happy birthday to me…one year older and one year closer to death!  Yikes!


60 thoughts on “Another Birthday

  1. Belated Happy Birthday!
    I’m thinking you’ll just be celebrating more happy birthdays now that you’re away from your ex who I’m thinking was just causing misery and would have shortened your life anyway. (y’know stress kills).



      • There’s a saying that goes “the only things that happens are the ones that we allow”… I know that I was in a relationship that made me physically sick and feeling miserable for a long time. I looked old and I felt bad about myself.

        Right now I feel like a totally different person. I can’t even explain it. A lot of people are asking what I did coz I look a lot younger. I can’t even explain it. Maybe I’m just happy. 🙂
        If I may share my 2 cents worth. I didn’t hold on to grudges and resentment. I let go of my heart aches and forgave. I prayed to God and let Him take care of everything. I surrendered it all to Him.
        I just thought to myself, when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up.
        Take it easy, ok.

        LIVE ❤ LAUGH … Belle Papillon

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s wonderful. You may be a bit younger than I am. It’s easier, I think when you still have a bit of your life left. I wasted forty-one years of mine. I do know that there will NEVER be another man in my life. The one thing I can and will not ever offer again is trust.
          Do I hold grudges? Yes, I do. I practically raised my four children on my own…while he was out traveling the world and the country….and going to bars after work with his tramps. God? Nope. I trusted in Him for years and years. He’s not there for me anymore. It’s just as well….everybody else left.
          But I have endured enormous tragedy my entire life…not just when I thought I was married….and I am still here. Not whole by any means…but still breathing.

          Liked by 1 person

          • My blog is about survival, about inspiration and about healing. I have been through a lot, too. I refuse to let that experience define the rest of my life. I just recently changed my mindset (less than a year ago). I was in that mental prison for years so I hear you. Time heals all wounds.
            Keep the faith.

            God be with you…



  2. I’m glad you’ve had one more year of life, even if you aren’t! I hope you have many more birthdays and I hope each year they get better. You, dear friend, and worth celebrating!! 😘🎉🍰🎈


  3. Well despite your sentiments for the day, I wish you had a happy birthday. It;s a day when you should think good things about yourself … spoil yourself … even if others haven’t. Think about that for next year.


  4. Not one year closer to death but one year closer to knowledge. Be happy you’re away from the mess you had previously. And happy birthday to the person you’re become. 🎂


  5. Baby girl! 🙂 happy birthday to you. I know it must be hard to live through this day when so distant from your children (physically and emotionally) and all the trauma caused by Loser, but still – this is your birthday and you are awesome! I celebrate you for being the amazing support you’ve been to me – and I know I’m not the only one who appreciates you 🙂 big hugs!


  6. Happy b-day baby girl!!! 😉 🍦🍰🍾⚘💜💜💜 I found it so great that someone called you baby girl. And don’t knock ’em til you tried ’em! When it comes to cops. Remember my story about Mr. X? He was a cop.. 😉 And that was some great love and passion… I am wondering if you will run into him again in the store. Perhaps you need to start cooking more so you need to go to that store almost every day now… 😉 heehee. Sorry I don’t mean to tease. I just want you to have a nice little romance! Or even a great one. Hugs.


      • Um… you could buy Boost there? 😉
        You’re welcome. I am awful at keeping track of birthdays, I barely remember my own or my family members’ birthdays lol!!! So, sorry if you have told me at one point and I forgot.. 😦 it is not that I don’t care but my brain can not register those things apparently. Damn it. 😂


  7. and one year wiser….You go “baby girl” (lol).
    I was called the other day “my sweet little Dutch girl……” Hmpff….
    I guess it was meant nice….
    One day when my “better half” (horrible term…so untrue..who came up what that?)…thought about my birthday, while he was traveling, he did not think about me but was trying to make an impression on his secretary by letting her arrange an enormous over-the-top-flower and chocolate arrangement for me…Needless to say…when I found out…who he had asked to arrange it, it ended in the garbage.


  8. Hopefully, not deeper in death. Oh, please forgive your cyber husband he has had the worst week. I have hardly blogged this week. And you are a delightful baby girl. You described your daughter’s email perfectly. Oligatory. Belated happy birthday. I hope your birthday wishes come true. At least all the non-violent ones. lol


  9. Happy belated birthday!!!! Damn I didn’t know or I would not be late. Hey… It’s nice your middle daughter sent it. I think she is slowly coming around. (Let me have my fantasies for you…)

    You are tiny, you know, you must have struck some over-protective nerve in the ex-officer. Lol. Not many times you’ll be called that at this age!!!

    Sending you all kinds of birthday wishes for a much better year this year. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

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