Home » A Wasted Life » Again….Where Were These People?

Again….Where Were These People?

I received yet another email from a long ago acquaintance.  I am continuously amazed and I keep asking myself…..where were these people before?

It started out with the question…”are you the (*****) who was married to (Loser)?”  Since my email is under my maiden name, I wondered how he “found me.”  Then I remembered that Loser always wrote his OWN biography (praising himself) when he took a new job and he always mentioned that he was married to the “former” (me.)  This man was a seasoned newspaper man and had no trouble tracking me down, which concerns me on another level.

This was a “very good friend” of Losers’ and for all I knew, he was going to say “Loser says you are totally insane now.”  Not being sure about the purpose of the email, I responded with a simple “yes.”

He didn’t start with the same exclamation that M*** had… (“thank God you finally got rid of that Loser!”)

He asked for my phone number.  I asked for his and said I would call him and I did…with a little trepidation.

Apparently, as soon as Loser started parading that WTC around, he was telling everybody that we had been divorced for years.  That way, he didn’t have to explain her to anybody, especially the people who knew me.

This man actually mentioned to Loser that he heard we were divorced.  Loser lied and said “yeah, we didn’t make it.”  When he asked what happened, he said Loser said “hey, man.  I’m not discussing my wife with you.”  He said he thought it was funny….he was representing himself as divorced, yet he was still referring to me as “his wife” (which of course, I was.)

This man knew about (or had heard rumors) of alleged “romances” with other women.  I told him I had heard them, too.  I never thought anything about it when these “women” were the first people Loser hired when he went to another paper.
I told him that I had no idea what was going on…that I had always trusted Loser and it was obviously poor judgment on my part.

I asked him point-blank.  “If you knew, why didn’t you say anything to me?”  He apologized and said he didn’t really know why.  I asked “were you afraid of him?”

He said (Loser) was a tyrant who “had power, so yeah, I guess I was.  Everybody was somewhat afraid of him.”

I could feel my blood pressure rising when I said “and because people were so afraid, he was never taken to task.  All bullies are cowards.  All it would have taken is ONE person to stand up to him.  Just ONE.”
He said “we needed our jobs.”
I understood.  I also realized how fruitless my words were.  I finally stood up to him and all I got was “you’re a vindictive bitch.”  He couldn’t fire me but he sure tried to make me pay…by trashing me to the judge.

I said “I wonder…Loser’s retired now, but does he still have power?  Can he make a simple phone call or drop a casual line to the man he put in charge after he retired (the man who said ‘if Loser dropped dead in the middle of the newsroom floor, nobody would get out of their fucking chair to check on him…including ME?’)  Could Loser still potentially ruin somebodys’ career?”
He said “I imagine he could…or at least try, if he wanted to.”

I knew that Loser could ruin somebodys’ career when he was still working.  I knew that he fired people he “didn’t like” every time he took a new position.  I also knew he instilled fear into everybody who worked for him.  Fear is power.

I knew that when another newspaper called him for a reference, if he didn’t like the person, he trashed them.  When he told me about it, I figured those “people” were worthless…at least that’s what Loser said.  I believed him because I thought Loser had honor and those people didn’t.

This man said “(Loser) was almost universally the most despised man in the business.”

After Loser was fired in **********, he found out just how poisonous his reputation really was.  Nobody was beating down his door with job offers.  Nobody would even return his phone calls.

One man who used to work for him had moved to another state.  Loser called him and told him that he had been fired.  This man went to his boss to promote Loser and said “he was looking for a job.”
His boss said “if you ever mention that mans’ name again, YOU will be looking for a job.”

Another woman Loser had known from earlier in his career, was now running a newspaper.  I’m sure Loser thought with his “charm and insincere flattery” he was a shoo-in for a job offer.  She toyed with him for a bit and when he kept pressing her, she finally said “look.  You have to understand that there are people out there who are better than you.”
When he told me what she said, the look of disgust on his face was almost scary.  How dare that woman insinuate that he wasn’t “the smartest person in the room?”  He threw something and mumbled that she was “a fucking bitch.”

I don’t know if that comment actually had an impact on him or not.  I believe (now) that in his mind, she was just another woman who was “insane.”  How dare she impugn him that way.  How dare she not want to hire the great (Loser.)  She HAD to be insane…right?

I imagine it was a blow to his ego.  Nobody was bowing down to him and begging him to come run their newspaper, like he believed they always should have.

I remember when I told his fucking mama “you do know that we’re eventually not going to be together” she shook her head and said “this can’t be good for his ego.”  That’s all she was concerned about.  Not that he had betrayed me.  Not that he had given me an incurable STD.
There was no plea to “try again” like she plastered all over Facebook to that WTC after he cheated on her.  It was all about how I was damaging HIS fucking ego.

This man and I talked for quite a while and the more we talked, the more he just confirmed what a fool I had been all those years.  He had seen Loser with other women.  He has met that WTC.  His comment was much like that of several others who have seen or met her.  He said “she’s looks…….”  I said “what…trashy?”  He said “I was trying to be a gentleman but yes.”
I laughed and said “well, you know what they say….love is blind and all a man really wants is a trashy girlfriend.”  He said “well, he sure has one.”

I have said before…if I bet, I would bet that nobody has ever referred to me as “trashy.”  More than a few times when Loser introduced me to somebody their reaction was to look at Loser and say “oh, boy!  You married up!”

He said he remembered the time we were sitting together at a function.  Loser said something and misspoke.  I asked him if he meant “something else.”  He said “that’s what I said.”  I said “no, you said ‘this’.”  This man said he remembered Loser saying “no, I fucking didn’t.”
This man actually spoke up and said “actually, you did.”  Loser was furious.  He didn’t believe he made mistakes and absolutely did not like to be corrected.
He got up and left the table…probably to talk to somebody who would fawn all over him…and not correct him.

As we were taking, it occurred to me that shortly after that incident, this man left the newspaper.  I asked him if he suffered Losers’ wrath because he defended me.  He assured me that he didn’t.  He said that he just wanted to work somewhere else.

I asked him how many other people in the business knew about Loser.  He said “everybody.”

He asked me if I had “found” anybody.  I told him that I hadn’t even been divorced a year, so no.  I was still a bit raw.  He said “I’m shaking my head.  Everybody thinks you’ve been divorced for years.”  I said “yep.  That’s what Loser does best… he lies.”  I told him I had come to think like my son, when he said “mom, I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth.  Everything he says is a lie.”  (Of course, that doesn’t keep my son from wanting Loser and that WTC in his life.)  When you’re desperate for love and attention, you’ll try to overlook and accept anything, I guess.

Another voice from the past.  Another affirmation.  Another person who could have potentially saved me from many years of abuse and neglect…but chose not to “get involved.”
Does it help…knowing that so many people knew who and what Loser really was?  Not really.

How many of them relegated me to nothing more than a simple fool?  How many of them still believe Loser when he led them to think that I was nothing more than a “gold-digger” after I left him?  How many of them believed Loser when he told them we were divorced long before I ever filed, simply to disguise his continued adultery?

This man told me to feel free to call him anytime.  I told him I would.  Will I?  Probably not.  The only thing we have in common is our apparent hatred for Loser.  Why open old wounds?  Why have more validation for what a blind, blithering idiot I was?

I thought I was a pretty good actress.  So many times, we walked into a “function” or party and the people had no idea that just five minutes earlier, Loser had talked to me like I was less than nothing.

I thought I was fooling everybody.  Obviously, I wasn’t fooling anybody.





68 thoughts on “Again….Where Were These People?

  1. Funny how we can’t see the picture clearly when we’re a part of the details therein.
    It’s not until we step outside the frame can we truly see that what we thought was a masterpiece was really just a distorted mess.


  2. This deserves a follow back!
    ( ゚∀゚)アハハ八八ノヽノヽノヽノ \ / \/ \
    (emoticon meaning: evil laugh)


  3. I had a friend who no longer talks to me. He told me “ho hub doesn’t love you, that’s not love.” And I think his hate for ho hub is what made him disappear from my life. Such a waste. Love you momma.


  4. I suggest to cut off contact with people who associate with the loser because they are losers too. We are the average of the 5 people we hang out the most. And dont believe the bullshit ”they are not close”. If he took initiative to contact and harass you, they are too close for your mental health. Take care of yourself.


    • I didn’t really take it as harassment. I took it as, like I said, affirmation. These people saw the way Loser treated me. They knew about the other women. Maybe their losers, too but I know right now…a woman whose husband cheated on her. I have kept my mouth shut. If I told her, I don’t know if she would believe me.
      I’m not sure I would have believed anybody if they had told me. I trusted him and thought he was an honorable man.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. My ex husband’s best friend knew he was cheating on me & never said a word to me, but I suspect because he was too, &it was a game for them. I promised myself I would always speak up if I ever found out any one was a cheater. But often i have heard that person does not believe you & ends up blaming you for everything. I’m prepared for that situation if ever it dies come up.


    • I had a conversation just yesterday about this. I know a woman whose husband was openly cheating on her….everybody knew….Loser knew….everybody knew but her. I have grappled with the idea of anonamoulsy telling her. She could do with it what she wanted. I have always thought she should know and I’ve known for over ten years. I don’t think “they’re” still involved but…does it really matter? What if, like Loser, he gave her a disease and she thinks she, like I did, is just dirty?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I told my husbands best friend’ wife I thought he was cheating on her, she said thanks, never spoke again. But it was the reason my husband got caught, they switched auditors(not his best friend) who then found the embezzlement. I told her because i was worried she would get a disease. I made the right choice


          • That us so funny you said that, I believed mine too. I would say he might be alot if things, but a cheater he is not. I recently found out in Dante inferno, the 9th layer of Hell is for treachery. I had to look that up, it is deceit, which I was surprised was considered worse that murder, but I get it… it makes you question everything in your life & changes you forever.


              • No I am choosing to trust again, I think while all still men, there can be a few good ones out there. I think mine is incredible (but who doesn’t when it is great) now ask me again if I ever divorce again. I think I would be way more cautious for sure, but I am straight up refusing to not trust. I’ll take the chance of hurting over not living the way I want to.


  6. I think people observe more than they let in on. It’s unfortunate that too many are afraid to stand up and say something about what they are seeing. You are not crazy and you never were. Sending my love. 💙💙💙


  7. Sheesh, Laurel. I hope you don’t still doubt Loser is a narcissist. To be that universally despised… scary.

    Funny how that guy reached out to you out of the blue. I guess it gives confirmation to you that he was an asshole to everyone.


  8. I can relate to this on so many levels, but mostly in the lying. I once told my atty to assume everything that came out if my ex’s mouth was a lie, and then she’d be much closer to the truth.

    Idk if anyone should be the one to tell us about the other women. I think at the right time the universe will spit out the lie and allow us to deal with it. In many cases people know but aren’t ready to deal with that kind of truth. Not ready to let go of all the other attachments, all the fear of being alone. If someone else tells you when you’re not ready you might be pushed into a decision you just aren’t mentally prepared for.

    I know I was dying to make sure Betty knew the whole truth, and the universe diverted me. It was much more effective I think, for her to discover his lying cheating ways on her own, and, actually, with his assistance, not mine! That had always made me laugh. But really, it’s obvious some part of him wanted her to know the truth.

    I just feel bad for all the incredible pain he put you through. Not sure what the lesson is there, but I sure hope some day it’s all in the past for you, and you find some happiness. Xoxo


    • Well…Losers’ “first” (?) happened 18 years before I found out….and I would have never found out if I hadn’t gone to EMT school and discovered that I wasn’t “dirty” like I had believed I was for so many years. Did it lessen the impact? No. But had I known….or had somebody told me…maybe I wouldn’t have that FUCKING disease now.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know. Just saying that’s why people don’t speak up I think. They’re afraid. I think I would have told you, because you would have deserved to know. Someone once asked in a blog “would you have wanted to know?” I said, “would I have wanted to know? No. But would I deserve to know? Yes.” And that’s how u feel today. No one wants to know it, but we all deserve to know the truth, and I’m sorry that you weren’t told when so many knew. He must have been one scary ass dude. When you come to Florida we will have so much fun you will forget his fucking name. lol. I got a couple I’d like to forget too…..😋


        • I think I was the one who asked “would you have wanted to know.”
          Hind-sight is 20/20. I just should have been smarter and not so trusting.
          Yes! When I come to Florida, we are going to have a blast!
          I actually have to go in July. That fucking implant they put in for the molar they shattered….fell out the other day. This has just been so much FUN!

          Liked by 1 person

  9. I was actually in the complete opposite position. When I used to work in Iraq, many people got to know the dad, since he was there a year before me. And I was shocked to have had people come up to me and ask me “what the hell are you doing with this guy”. Now mind you, the dad was very likeable with his charm, so I found it pretty shocking and very nerve wrecking when people approached me that way. I was still in my “denial” phase lol.


  10. It is the usual way of a lot of people , I guess, to think that it is “none of their business” and so on… it is a shame really. There should be more brave people in the world!


    • I agree but right this minute….I know about a man who cheated on his wife…and she doesn’t know. If she did, she would probably throw him out on his ass. They have actually been married a few years longer than Loser and I were.
      I know…and I would have wanted to know….but do I want to be responsible for potentially destroying a marriage?

      Liked by 1 person

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