Home » A Wasted Life » Regrets


Today I located a woman I knew for almost fifteen years.  We lived in the same neighborhood.  Our children played together and went to the same schools.  I may try to call her but I’m not sure I should.

She was a lovely woman.  I inspired her to start sewing and she became an accomplished seamstress.

She had an equally lovely daughter, who I watched grow from a little girl into a young woman.  Loser and I eventually moved to another state and consequently, we lost touch.

I heard that she and her then husband had divorced but I didn’t hear anything more.

Seven years after we moved, I left Loser and went back to Florida.  While waiting for the closing of my house, I was flip-flopping from my oldest daughters’ house to my middle daughters’ house.

It was my middle daughters’ turn to “put up with mom” so I was making the drive to her house.  It was probably a good thirty miles between their houses.

I was sitting in traffic and I noticed a car in the next lane.  It was a Hummer with a hot pink sticker on the back window.  I distinctly remember thinking “I didn’t think people drove those cars anymore” (due to the high cost of gasoline.)

When I got to my daughters’ house, she asked me if I had heard about “Michelle.”  I told her that I had heard about a young woman named Michelle, who disappeared right after she was on an episode of “Judge Judy.”
My daughter said “it’s OUR Michelle.”

I was flabbergasted.  I hadn’t paid much attention to the news because I was too grief-stricken over the turn my life had taken.  I started watching the news and I heard them talking about her Hummer (which they found a few days later.)  Again, I was dumbstruck.  I told my daughter I had seen that Hummer on the way to her house.

I wondered if I should call the police.  We were meeting somebody so I delayed but saw an officer while we were out.  I went up to him and told him what I had seen…but he didn’t seem to care.  He didn’t ask me any questions or act at all interested.

I often wonder if maybe I had paid more attention to the news instead of being selfish and thinking only about “me”, I might have been able to help.  I didn’t know it was her car…but I should have.
She might have been tied up in that car.  Evidence might have been in that car.  I could have called the police and told them where it was.

I will forever be haunted by this.  I will forever regret not paying attention.  I will forever feel guilty for not helping a mother potentially not have to grieve the loss of her child.

Michelle has never been found.

65 thoughts on “Regrets

  1. I agree with your other readers Laurel that this was not your fault. It is upsetting that the police officer didn’t respond as he should have but you were not the perpetrator of this crime. Tragic.


  2. Ok..do you want the story? I dont care who reads this.them or the other ones…makes no difference really…
    Least I guess delete my stuff after I post. Maybe they wont see it. Lol. Least the easterners…
    I was threatened by them too.


    • I don’t know how people get away with it. He sure did. He refused to allow Michelles’ mama and daddy to see her children. He took them to Tennessee, which is pretty far away.
      Yvonne (her mama) took him to court and won visitation rights and I believe that now there is a law that was passed in Florida…for other grandparents who have been denied access to their own grandchildren.
      Here’s another time when I question everything from my faith in a God who “allows” murder…to “where the fuck is Karma?”

      Liked by 1 person

      • God does not condone murder.
        People will be held accountable for all things they do in the end.
        There is a place in the good book where it says basically, time and unforseen occurrences occur.
        But that one is not taught by many religions. Many are not. And many have been deceived too.


  3. There’s a great chance that the Hummer you saw was in no way related to her at all. But the fact that you think it was, that you have regrets about it still today, says a lot of very good things about your character and moral compass. You should know that.


    • It was her Hummer. It had her business decals on the back window. That’s another thing that immediately caught my eye. I didn’t know anything about her business, but a hot pink decal on a black Hummer is eye-catching.
      If it weren’t for the children left behind, I would like to think she changed her name and started over…just to get away from that abusive relationship.
      Someday, her remains might be found but I don’t think it will be in our lifetime. 😦


  4. Oh what a horrible story! Am so sorry for the family.
    It was not your fault though, we all live in our own little world in our head, and it is not easy paying attention to everything all the time. You did what you could at the time, considering your own circumstances.

    How strange that you tell this story now. I very recently saw an article in the paper about a missing girl, and felt 95% sure that I had seen her on the subway that same day! I called the police and let them know which train I had been on, so they could check surveillance cameras etc. But they still haven’t found her. (She’s been missing for 1 year). Horrible and scary that people disappear like that… !

    Liked by 1 person

    • I started thinking about her because I had done that post about Scott Peterson….and he told everybody his wife was “missing.”
      I was thinking about how my children were “missing” from my life and that morphed into remembering Michelle.
      I’m lucky. My children may be gone but I know where they are.
      It’s a helpless feeling when you see something and at the time, it’s just “something” but later you find out it was something important. 😦

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Wow. You can’t be too hard on yourself. You were going through something and you didn’t know. You did tell an officer and he didn’t seem interested, but you can’t blame yourself. I’m so sorry for her family.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I cry everytime I see a movie about it….and all that happened
        Delete these as I tell you….
        Please.I can say a little more
        . Oh well hell what does it matter
        .maybe they would do me a favor seriously.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You did the best you could do.
        Don’t blame yourself.
        There is nothing that could be changed most likely.
        Some things are out of our control. You told the policeman what you saw and that is all you can do. Don’t beat yourself up on it like I did. it wont change things. Nor bring them back. 😦
        I know how you feel.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. You did talk to the officer. Hindsight Bias. There was nothing you could have done that would have saved her, sadly. But regrets we all have, sadly, and they are tormenting. Another reason it must be so much better to live without conscience… NOT.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know policemen get “useless” tips every day and there were probably a hundred “sightings” of her car called in. There are always the award seekers and people wanting their fifteen minutes of fame but I think every “tip” should be investigated. He may have had it in mind though…that car could have been anywhere by then…and he would have been right.
      I also found out that although the daddy took the children to another state, she was granted rights to see them. There was even a law passed in the state to help grandparents of children who have been taken away for the sole purpose of spite or…guilt?

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh honey, I don’t think any of that is your fault. I think it’s understandable that you were in your own world at that moment. It happens to the best of us and no one ever thinks that something horrible like that could happen to someone we know. Please try to forgive yourself. Sending my love.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh Laurel, how heartbreaking. I don’t even know what to say to you….There are always gonna be things we could have done differently, to a different outcome. You had your own life, and it was clearly in a very difficult time. I think you did the best you could at the time, with a life falling apart, no home…..Take it easy on yourself. Your path has been no bed of roses either. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s