Home » A disease-Giving Husband » What Do I Do With All Of His Stuff?

What Do I Do With All Of His Stuff?

I went down into my basement yesterday.  I thought I might try to get some things organized.  I have one large room where all of my sewing machines are.

Another room is designated for knitting, drawing, painting, stained glass, and Fimo clay.  That’s where I keep all of my little charms and doodads for specialty quilts.

There’s a room with shelves along every wall, where all of my fabric is stacked.  There are bins containing half-finished quilts.  There are bins full of pieces of fabric that are too small to save.

There is a room where my huge quilter would reside if I had ever put it up.  It shares space with all of my firefighter and EMT memorabilia.

There is a full bathroom.

While I was sorting through still unpacked boxes and bins, I started uncovering the past.  There were pictures of days long ago.  I found pictures of my children.  I started putting them aside.

I found mountainous amounts of papers with Losers’ name on them.  There was a picture of him when he was 18.  I found guitar picks and golf-ball markers.  I found his old football.  I resisted going outside and getting a garbage can and just tossing everything that belonged to him in it.  Instead, I started putting everything in a box.

I tried to imagine how I would feel if he had the only toy I ever had as a child…my panda bear.  Would I want him to throw it away or would I hope that he found a way to return it to me?

The more I unpacked, the more I found.  I found a huge box of his t-shirts.  I had collected them to make a quilt out of them.  Many of them were from Denmark.  Some were from Norway.  They were from all over the country and I had already cut several of them into squares.

Then, I found the bag with all of his ties and the remnants of his daddys’ ties.  When he asked me to make one last quilt for him, he suggested I incorporate the rest of those ties into it.
Like I was going to make a quilt for him and that WTC to cover up with.  What a selfish pig.

But, I put the ties into the box.

I found pictures of me and my three daughters at the Hard Rock Cafe.  Losers’ band was playing.  From the back, it was hard to tell which one of us was who.  Since our faces don’t show, I thought I’d post two of the pictures. We look like a bunch of groupies.

lalst girlsFrom left to right:  My youngest,  my middle (the only one with naturally curly hair, me and my oldest.  Loser is playing the red guitar.

hug

Again, the older is the one with her arm around my shoulders.  The younger is the one with her hand on her hip.  The middle is behind the girl with her hand up to her cheek.
That was the moment that my oldest (a little buzzy buzzed) asked me if I knew why everybody thought my youngest daughter was so fucking beautiful.  She said “because she looks just like you.”

A good time was had by all (mostly.)  There was a lot of dancing, drinking and singing.  When we left, Loser was pretty soused.  A block up the road, I said to Loser, “there’s a DUI checkpoint up ahead.”  The officer must have heard Loser loudly say “fuck ’em” because he waved me over.  I wasn’t worried.  I was the only person in the bar who was sober.

I threw these pictures in the box.

So, what do I do with all of his stuff?  I’m sure I’ll find more and I don’t want it around me.

What do I do with all of his stuff?

47 thoughts on “What Do I Do With All Of His Stuff?

  1. Put it away till it stops being so toxic…or keep the pics and throw his shit out…it’s not your responsibility anymore..if he really wanted it he’d come and get it!!!

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    • I don’t imagine that he knows I have it. I always took care of all the packing and moving and sorting things out. Having moved so many times and him being in a situation where he was only renting for eight years, (not to mention that he has the memory of a flea) if the children weren’t grown, it would probably not even miss one of them unless I mentioned them.

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  2. By the sounds of it, you’ve made your decision to return his belongings–good call. Like your other readers when I saw the photos I was wondering, before you pointed it out, which one was you and thinking that all of you have beautiful hair.

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  3. I’m probably the only one that thinks so but would you consider sending it to him? Or to one of your kids? Just seems sad to throw away. You should get it out of your home but it might give you karmic credit to get it to him. Good luck whichever way you decide.

    And, wow! Each of you have such beautiful hair! 😍

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  4. First of all, your girls and you have the most beautiful hair ever!!! I’m sure their front sides are as beautiful as the back sides too, lol.

    As for the stuff….
    Since I was the leaver and he was the stayer, it was he who had a lot of stuff to deal with. I took with me all the photos and videos that I had, they were the first thing I packed up, even though he’s in them more than me because he rarely took a picture. I kind of think maybe put them in the attic or the basement or somewhere, where you won’t see them, they won’t remind you. But things change, I’d hate for you to regret getting rid of the pictures.

    When Scott and I broke up, I was deleting all the pics I had of him, of us. My friend, who was going through a very similar breakup but has been through a few since she was divorced about twice as long as me, said, “you know I was doing that, and I found I was deleting half my life.” I thought about it, and thought, yeah, he was part of my life, and important for awhile. I don’t want to get rid of all the pictures, not everything. There were some good times there, before she showed up. I don’t know if you have those feelings or not. I don’t want to have it like there was never anything there, I really just want to be able to deal with the reality of it all. I don’t look at the pics, but I have them. Sometimes I see them accidentally scrolling through my pics. I will know I’m healed when I feel nothing when I see them, which is how I view my ex.

    And things may change with your kids. The story isn’t over yet, I don’t think. xoxo

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    • Ha. My girls still have beautiful hair. The crap with Loser took a toll on mine.
      I WAS the leaver and everything was in “our” house. When loser finally found a job, the paper furnished his condo for him. Everything else stayed with me. When I moved to Florida, all the stuff came with me…including all of his shit. I started giving him stuff a little at a time when he would come down to visit. I think it became more and more clear to him that I was never going to take him back. He didn’t have room in his condo for anything much, so I made him come get things and put them into a storage unit. I thought I had returned everything to him, but I still have boxes that were unpacked from the eighties….mostly his fucking papers.
      I don’t have the same view you do. I can’t conjure up any “beautiful memories” with him because there weren’t any.
      When I asked him to return the things I had given him (or he had taken)…particularly the quilts I had made him, he said “I understand why you feel it necessary to remove all vestiges of me from your life, but I don’t feel the same way.” (I’m sure he does now because that WTC would never stand for him to keep anything that reminded him of me.)
      I was talking to my RBS today. I told her and I have always trusted my gut…that I don’t believe my children will ever “come around.” Loser has done too good a job, destroying my memory by diagnosing (to them) my insanity which overshadows any fondness they used to have….and it’s very important that the WTC comes across as the (sane) heroine.
      They are too much like him.

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      • Well, all I can say is I’m sorry. I clicked the “like” star, but that is disingenuous, I don’t like at all what happened to you. I’ve been accused of being Pollyanna…. When I get to Florida and you come visit me, we will have some fun and make some good memories to blot out the shit for both of us, lol.

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  5. Trash the t-shirts, keep the photos that make you smile, donate whatever is left. If it doesn’t bring you Joy, and the sight of it is too painful, buh-bye! You are so strong, you’ve got this! Xx

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  6. You are much kinder than I would be, given his assholery. The pictures can be kept and mailed, maybe to your youngest who can send them from her address? The rest of his stuff…I’d donate. Seems to me you’ve gone more than out of your way for him all those years and he doesn’t deserve you doing it again. You don’t owe him anything and he wouldn’t think twice about donating any of your stuff. Of that I’m sure.

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    • It’s a conundrum. If I was a narcissist pig like him or that WTC, I wouldn’t have any qualms about getting rid of them. When I returned most of his crap, it insulted him. I think he thought I should be honored to have his stuff around. He was really surprised when I told him I was getting rid of his name. Why the hell would I want to keep his fucking name? If you looked his name up in the dictionary, it would say “one of the most hated men who ever lived.”
      I really don’t want to bear the expense of mailing it and I don’t want him to see the return address. I know how much I treasure the one thing from my childhood so I guess I’ll figure something out.
      Did you see my comment about your picture?

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Even without seeing all your faces, I can tell you are four beautiful ladies. The long blond hair… Pretty ones.

    I would enlarge and frame the two pictures into one, with a text box in between: “The four most beautiful girls in the world, watching daddy play. That was the moment that [my oldest’s name] asked me if I knew why everybody thought [my youngest daughter’s name] was so fucking beautiful. She said “because she looks just like you.”” See if WTC lets him hang the family photo in their dwelling!

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    • There wouldn’t be a snowballs’ chance in hell of that happening. He used to have a picture of me, him and our middle daughter on his mantle piece. I was wearing what was known as the famous, famous blue dress. I should cover our faces and post that one but his expression would be lost. He is literally “growling” in the picture.
      Needless to say, the picture disappeared when that WTC started spending the night with him. LOL
      Thank you for saying we are four beautiful ladies. I know three of them are. 🙂

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  8. I found some of the dad’s ties with my stuff. I contemplated giving them away for charity only because he threw out the stroller that my mom (who passed away) had bought my kids when they were born and I was flabbergasted when I found out. It was something I wanted to keep for sentimental reasons and he did it to spite me. but then I decided to send the ties back to him. I’m not evil like him.
    I think it’s best if you return them to him. Like you said, you’d think he’d be considerate enough to give you your stuff back.

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    • I’m sure he doesn’t remember it…or wouldn’t remember it until he saw it. He still had an antique sewing machine that belonged to me. I imagine he was “made” to get rid of it.
      I really don’t know. Like I said, if he had something of mine, whether or not I immediately remembered it, I would want him to be considerate enough to return it. I can’t, in good conscience, throw the pictures of my children away (many of them taken with him.) Those need to be returned.

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