I decided to do something a while back and I talked to my therapist about it first. Several months ago, I emailed my two oldest daughters and never got a response. I took that as their way of telling me that they didn’t really give a shit about me and that I no longer existed for them.
I told my therapist what I was going to do and he said “let it end.”
I went through my house and gathered up all the things that reminded me of them and put them into a box. I found the picture my second daughter gave me from her wedding. She had hand written “I am a married woman now, but I’ll always be your daughter.”
Since I was going to be in Florida, I decided to have them couriered over to my youngest daughters’ house. I have long since forgotten what day is what shift and I didn’t want the boxes left on their doorstep. I hope she got them and I hope her sisters didn’t give her a bunch of shit because she didn’t know anything about it.
Now, I have no triggers left in my house that render me sad or disappointed or feeling forgotten. They chose that pig-shit Loser father of theirs and his WTC, so I hope they are all going to be one big, happy family. It does me no good to try to figure out how they can forget that I was the one who was always there.
Maybe that WTC can send my son a carton of cigarettes when he’s begging for them…no wait. She can’t even pay her own taxes or tuition…so what am I thinking? Well, maybe she can offer “something” to Loser and he can give her the money and she can be the heroine she wants so desperately to be.
I found the pictures of my daughters when the oldest was only two and the middle one was only one. I returned the quilts they made for me and even the little card that my oldest made when I went to and passed EMT school.
My middle daughter had a beautiful silver box engraved “to my mom….my best friend.” She had gotten me a little charm that had EMT engraved on it and I wore it every day when I worked. I loaned it to my oldest daughter to pin under her wedding gown. There was also a little cloisonné pill-box that I kept the diamond earrings Loser gave me in. All of those went into the box.
I thought I would be incredibly sad when I packed the things up but I wasn’t. I haven’t seen my middle daughter in over a year and I haven’t seen my oldest daughter since I left, which is now one month shy of a year.
It didn’t feel like saying goodbye to old friends. It felt like saying goodbye to Loser. He was never my friend and my children hadn’t been my friends in a long time. I guess it was the same feeling they had when they chose Loser and that WTC over me….it was no big deal.
I’m not worried about them. They have their careers and their husbands and their husbands’ families. They have Loser and that WTC and they have each other. They are going to be fine. After all, the good of the many is far more important than the good of the one.
I really don’t give a shit about Loser and that WTC but I hope my children have long, successful, happy and healthy lives. My children are remarkable human beings and they deserve all the best that life has to offer.
If I could say one thing to them, I would say…don’t regret your choice.
Like Loser, you chose easy. That’s what made you comfortable and you did what was right for you. He was never there for you and now he is pretending to care to impress that WTC and you have allowed it because you are so desperate to have him in your life. That WTC has made it clear to me that she intends to not only have Loser but my children as well. You chose them at my expense. You don’t care about what he did to me and you don’t care about what that WTC did to me. You chose to close your eyes and ears to it. You believed all the lies he told you. You let him convince you that I am clinically insane.
It’s okay. I understand. NEVER regret your choice.