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The Invisible Woman

I got an email not long ago from somebody I had met many years ago.  I immediately recognized his name and I remembered him.  We never spoke but when we saw each other once a year, we would nod and smile.

Apparently, he heard that I had divorced Loser and felt compelled to write to me.

Being a journalist, and “note taker” he outlined what he remembered over the years.  This account, he said, was something he would never forget.
His lines were “bulleted” so I fashioned them into a story.

He submitted his regrets but qualified them with “not because you got divorced but because you were married to such an arrogant asshole.”

This was his story.  He called me the “Invisible woman.”

There’s a woman sitting all alone at a table.  I’ve met her before and I see her once a year.  It’s always the same scenario.  She’s sits there alone.

She’s a pretty woman with unusually long blonde hair and a trim, fit body.  She’s always dressed like a Paris runway model and her make-up is meticulously applied.

Why then, is she always alone?

I don’t understand.  I don’t understand why she’s always alone.

Tonight we’re at another awards banquet, which recognizes outstanding achievement in the newspaper industry.  The awards have been handed out and everybody is walking around, drinking, talking and shaking hands.

I am a newspaper man.  Her husband works for a rival paper and although we have formally met, we have never really been communicative.  This year, his paper won several awards and he is strutting around like he is the king.

She sits alone at the table, fumbling with her napkin and looking around the room.

I see a glimmer of hope in her eyes as a man comes walking across the floor.  He bends down and gives her a kiss on the cheek but then walks away.

Another man comes up and sits down.  He asks “are you ****s’ wife?”  She says “yes, I am.”  I watch as she smiles and tries to have a conversation with somebody who is looking over and around her, as if trying to find somebody who is more interesting.  After a minute, he gets up and walks away.

She is watching her husband.  He is working the room…working the other women, who have a drink in one hand and his arm in the other.  He doesn’t notice her looking at him.  He doesn’t notice her at all.

About an hour later, a man comes “dancing” toward her, throws his car keys to her and says “I’m going to need a ride home in a few minutes.”  He’s one of “their friends” and knows that through the years, she has become nothing more than the designated driver.

I start asking about her…this woman who is married to this man who ignores her.  One man says “I don’t know how she can stand to be married to him.  He’s an asshole and he treats her like shit.”
I say “well, he sure doesn’t pay much attention to her.”

I ask other people about her.  “She doesn’t drink,” they say “and **** has a problem with it.”  In my mind, I imagine that she doesn’t drink because it seems he drinks enough for them both.  They say “nobody really knows her.”
I’m thinking “does anybody try to get to know her?”

I keep watching her.  She looks miserable and I want to go talk to her.  I watch her husband and his arrogance is undeniable.  It’s as if he’s holding court in front of his adoring subjects.  He keeps them mesmerized with his bold, brash countenance.  He is a braggart and takes credit for the awards in an overt way, while diminishing the talents of others.  He toasts himself over and over, without so much as a glance toward her.

She eventually gets up and walks over to him.  He finishes his conversation with another woman before he acknowledges that she is standing there.  She says “I want to go home.”  He impatiently says “in a minute” waves her off and then turns his attention back to the other woman.

She walks away and sits back down at the table.  A young reporter her husband has just hired comes and sits down.  He is most likely trying to earn “brownie points” as he pretends to be interested in what the big mans’ wife has to say.
He asks her where she went to school.  She says “I didn’t go to school.”  He apologetically says “oh.  Well, what do you do?”  She begins by telling him that she is raising their four children but he quickly loses interest, excuses himself and leaves.

I decide to go sit down at the table with her.  She looks at me and says “I don’t drink.  I’m not educated.  I have no profession.  I have no value.”  Her hands are shaking as she reaches for her keys and purse.

She gets up from the table and heads toward the door.  As she reaches the door, she casts one last backward glance toward her husband.  She wants to see if he notices that she is leaving but he doesn’t.

Later that night, her husband is a little beyond being able to stand on his own and starts looking for her.  He stumbles over to the table where he left her….where he always left her….but she isn’t there.
He doesn’t panic.  He just starts asking the few people who are still around, if they have seen her.

He says “Goddamnit!  I’m ready to go home.”

One of the men say they know a policeman and will call him.  “Nah.  She’ll turn up” he says.  He sends a woman into the bathroom but she isn’t there.  He says “I wonder where the fuck she is.”

It never occurs to him to go out to the parking lot to see if the car was gone.  I stand there, watching, listening and thinking “I agree.  How in the world can she stand to be married to this asshole.”

The man calls his police officer friend and in a few minutes, the officer arrives.  He walks over to **** and starts talking to him.  I move closer so that I can hear.

Your wife is missing? “I don’t know.”
How long has she been missing?  “I don’t know if she is missing.  I just don’t know where she is.”
Have you been drinking, sir?  “Yeah, I’ve been drinking.  What’s that got to do with it?”
She has to be missing for twenty-four hours before you can file a report. “I don’t want to file a fucking report.  I didn’t call you.”
Okay.  Why don’t you give me some information in case we need it.
How tall is she?  “I don’t know….about five and a half feet tall, maybe.”
What color hair does she have?  “Blonde.”
What color eyes?  “Uh….green?”
What was she wearing?  “Uh…..uh……hell, man.  I don’t remember.  Some kind of dress, I think.”
What kind of car do you have?  “Uh….we brought her car.”
Okay, what kind of car?  “Uh….a Mercedes.”
What color?  “Uh….some kind of light color.” 
Do you know the license number?  “Hell no.”
Did you check the parking lot?  “No.”
Did you have an argument?  “No.”
Do you know of any reason she might have just left?  “No.”

I’m listening to him stumbling and fumbling with his words as the officer tries to get information.
I finally decide to step in.

I said “she was wearing a strapless, full length, royal blue evening dress.  She was wearing royal blue shoes and had on diamond earrings, a diamond necklace and a diamond bracelet.”
Her husband turns around and looks at me like he’s thinking “who the fuck are you?”  He finally said “she probably got pissed and went home.”

I almost said “what do you expect?  You were so busy paying attention to everybody else, you never even noticed her.  You have never noticed her.  You use her like a chauffeur.  Why don’t you buy her a uniform, some white gloves and a hat?  You’re ready to go home and suddenly you miss her?”

The officer went to the parking lot to look for the car.  It was gone.  When he came back into the room, he said “do you think maybe you should try to call her?”
Her husband said with a contemptible sneer “yeah, thanks.  I would have never thought of that.”
The officer didn’t appreciate his sarcasm and said “call us back if you need to.”

Her husband managed to get a ride home but not before screaming “I can’t believe she fucking did this to me.  This is un-fucking-believable!”

He couldn’t believe what SHE had done to HIM.

 

 

95 thoughts on “The Invisible Woman

  1. Hello Laurel speaking of “the invisible woman”, I see you haven’t posted in almost a week… Seems highly unusual… Perhaps you were also going away on a trip? My memory fails me…. Anyway, I am back from my trip and just wanted to check in and say i hope you are well. Hugs. 🙂

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  2. Being a wife appliance is a very lonely road. You feel like your only value is in performing the role, so asking to matter is actually messing that up, so you feel like breaking the sharade damages what little value you have left. No wonder we are all so messed up.

    Love you momma.

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  3. I am so glad too. And I think I found you for a reason.

    If you`re ever comfortable sharing your email address with me, let me know how we can go about doing it and maybe we can chat.

    No pressure clearly, you don`t know me very well yet, but if ever.

    I do not believe that things happen just by accident and my finding you was no accident!

    HUGS!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. He is a idiot and selfcentered.
    And you deserve much better.
    I am like you in some ways. I’m married to a selfish person who thinks all the money is his. Even after I helped him get it. It was disability for s.s. and v.a.
    But there is no place to go for me. No shelter..I have a service dog.
    I have no bank account. Only his name is on it. If he dies.. (probably 20 more years since I am so lucky ) I will have been screwed royally.
    Everything revolves around him. His clothes, expensive toys, name it.
    I’m in the 25th year. And I HATE waking up everyday to repeat the same thing.
    On my tombstone I want MLK on my headstone too…
    ” Thank God I am free at last.”
    I understand how you feel. And towards other guys. I’m the same too.

    I love your writing amd how you express yourself. You are very good! I will read all you write. 🙂

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  5. And I am honoured that you would nominate me for an award!

    I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship! 🙂

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  6. It doesn`t sound ridiculous at all. It seems to me, through reading your story, you`ve somewhat lost yourself and are very slowly in the process of trying to find YOU again.

    I do have faith you will. Even through all the hurt, pain, betrayal, etc. YOU are still HERE!!!! That is what counts and also what I find so tremendously amazing and inspiring!

    I am also very sorry to hear about the way your children have treated you. I have an older friend who is experiencing the exact same thing with her four children, actually. Their father was a an alcoholic and, to my mind, had some narcissistic tendencies. And of course, my friend grew to become a very angry and depressed person.

    Today, her children are very, very protective of their father (they remain married to this day, though I can`t for the life of me, understand why) and all they have are bad memories of my friend (as their mother).

    You`re going to make it. YOU are no longer a victim my lovely lady, YOU are a survivor!

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    • I lost myself years before I found out about Loser. I became his appendage..his “ride home”…the person who took care of all the shit he didn’t have time for….even my signature became only my first initial, followed by HIS name.
      I am sometimes amazed that I am still here but I am. I do know one thing….if I was ever stupid enough to get involved with another man (which I highly doubt)…I would never become a shadow again.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I came across your blog by accident and I can say I am truly glad I did. I spent the past three days reading all your posts, from start to finish. As sad and horrible as your story is, you are a truly gifted writer. You keep saying throughout that you are not educated, but I can honestly say, I`d never in a million years have guessed that reading your writing!!!!

    I find it sad though, that even after ditching Loser and finding freedom, so much of what makes you you, what used to bring you happiness and joy, is STILL being robbed from you.

    Narcissists make me laugh. I`ve known a few, am still friends with one because I`ve learned how to deal with him, and dated one for a while. I`m not entirely sure why, but their tactics just never worked on me because I could always see right through them, called them on their bullshit and made them look like idiots.

    I am entirely grateful for that gift now, after reading your story.

    My greatest hope/prayer/wish for you is that some day, whenever the time is right and you are ready, you can truly be free to live again. You don`t deserve any of what he put you through, nor the aftermath.

    You are a strong, courageous woman and I am so happy you are sharing your story with all of us.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your wonderful words. No, I’m not educated but only because I didn’t have the money to go to college and it was a time when women were still “supposed” to get married and “take care of their men.”
      Loser didn’t seem to mind until he got his latest tramp who was “going to college.” He didn’t seem to care that she was a bar-hop who was looking for somebody to pay for her tuition (which he is.)
      I am going to try to get some of the things back that I used to love to do. I actually went down to my basement yesterday and looked at my sewing machines. That may sound ridiculous but I haven’t been able to look at them in almost three years. The next time, maybe I’ll be able to touch them.
      Again, thank you so much for reading my story and your wonderful words of encouragement.

      Liked by 2 people

          • No! Don’t say that!

            A You can’t just give up on love… Don’t let one asshole, keep you from happiness forever. Fall in love again, someday. Be happy & healthy.

            That’s how you really get back at him, and make his blood boil!

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            • He would never know. Since he and that WTC have turned my children against me, he gets no information….but believe me….there is nothing I would like more than for him to know that I was successful (maybe in my quilting) and finally know what a REAL man is. LOL

              Liked by 2 people

              • It’s going to happen… I know it. I can just FEEL IT! You’re going to be on top of the world, and he will see you somewhere, some day… And you’ll be looking gorgeous and fabulous, of course… And he will sneak a glance at his downgrade, and kick himself….

                … All the way to his grave.

                I just don’t want you to forget that, in the end, it’s HIM who is supposed to be sorry, and missing out on all the best things in life (like success, love, and happiness)… Not you!

                I think, sometimes, the pain is so much, we can kind of lose sight of that.

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  8. No doubt leaving was the right thing to do, but I’m very disappointed with your exit. I would have kicked him in the balls so hard with my pointed toe dyed to match shoe he would have had to stick a Q-tip in his ear to scratch those ugly saggy things, because that’s where they would have ended up…………. Food for thought….No matter where he lives or who he’s with, he’s still the same fucktard you were married to. A new address doesn’t change someone. A whore doesn’t change someone. He’s just the same narcissistic drunk fucking a whore at different locations………MLK said it best ” Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty you’re free at last “.

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    • That’s funny….I asked my oldest daughter if she would throw me a divorce party. She said she would if that’s what I wanted….of course, this was in the “before time.”
      I told her I was going to make a sign to hold and I wanted her to take my picture and post it on Facebook.
      The sign was going to say “free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last.”
      Great minds, Annasnow. Great minds.

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          • No because they don’t want to responsible. For example, I told you, I saw your husband the other day hanging out with another woman. Most likely you would not believe me. You also would tell me to mind my own business. Makes sense to you ?

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            • It does but Loser was always hanging out with other women and you’re right. I probably wouldn’t have believed it. Hell, I found some womans’ earring in his car and when I asked him about it, he yelled “get in the car and shut the fucking door.” I never brought it up again…because I trusted him. I’m nor sure anymore whether I hate the fact that he destroyed our marriage, my faith in fidelity and honor, and my life….as I am as I hate that I was such a fucking fool.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Better you accepted this now than never. Imagine if you lived with him till death. So don’t hate yourself, please don’t. As long you’re trying that’s all that matters. Being in denial is the worse fate possible. Yes he’s made you aware of all these issues. Him “breaking” you only made you stronger. Because you are here. ❤

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                • I do think about what my life would be if I had never found out. We were talking about “renewing our vows” for our thirtieth. I’m glad it never came to fruition. Nothing would have changed….he would have still been treating me like garbage and probably had his tramps on the side, so you’re right. I’m glad I got out…I just wish I had gotten out forty years ago. 😦

                  Liked by 2 people

                  • He will always have them on his side because it’s his “comfort” zone. I wish many things myself. But at least I got my children out of it. These are just lessons in life. I’m sorry for you it took 40 😦 I truly am sorry. I wish I can turn back time for you, Forever 21 😀

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                    • I think it has helped. I think were it not for this blog, I would have starved to death…physically and emotionally. I still haven’t been able to gain any weight but I haven’t lost anymore.
                      The friends I have acquired here are just remarkable….as is the support. Writing about it helps as well. Actually putting in writing what Loser and his family (and my family) did, eases a little of the pain, I guess. At lease it got it out in the open.

                      Liked by 3 people

                    • I’ve just the opposite. I wish I can lose weight. The more stressed I am the more weight I gain. So I would envy you. Yes, the friends here know more about me than my real live ones. I find writing it out makes me confront problems whereas I would usually avoid them.

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  9. Wow! He’s such a douchebag! I’m curious though. Who taught you that this was how men treated women? I just don’t understand that at all. I remember I was 17 and a guy came to take me to the movies. He beeped the horn! My Mom would not let me go out until he finally came to the door. He turned out to be a dud and while I was mortified at that moment, later at the movies I asked him why he would do something so idiotic lol. He was just a dumb, good looking musclehead.

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    • I’m not so sure it’s a matter of who taught me that this was how men treated women as who taught HIM that was the way men treated women….but it was only me. His mama taught him from the very beginning that I was worthless and she was the queen bee….and of course, he knew how to treat his tramps….they were cheap and common…(his mama LOVES his tramp.) She should…that tramp is just like her son! LOL

      Liked by 3 people

  10. I wish you had more people share what they saw earlier rather than after the fact. I wonder if it would have made a difference. So glad you are the invisible woman no more. This man seems to have been taken with you in some way.

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    • Oh, no…no potential companion. LOL The way Loser treated me was very memorable to all who saw it. People were afraid of him though, so nobody ever said anything. He was a bully…and he held their careers in his hands. They weren’t going to give up their job and income for me….they just whispered behind his back.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, no. It was a man who I had met and saw every time there was a “function” for the newspapers. I don’t think I ever realized just how much Loser was despised…and how much people noticed. I wish they had said something before I wasted my life on him.

      Liked by 3 people

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