And it continues…..
56 years old and “loves the Lord.” Loving the Lord didn’t stop him from telling me that he’d “love to wrap his arms around my body, squeeze me tight and feel my warmth.”
(First, my picture doesn’t show my body. Hell, for all you know I could be a horseless headsman. Second, if you think being a Lord lover is going to get you into MY church, you’re sadly mistaken.)
This one is great. His message was “five foot two, eyes of blue…would surely like to be with you.”
(Well thank you, “poet wannabe” but I’m really not interested in having to pick my dates up to kiss them goodnight.)
71 years old and says “my God! Where have you been all my life?” He’s quite the braggart. He says “I want you to know that I am ‘fully functional’ and I could ‘pleasure you’ in ways you’ve never dreamed of.”
(Okay, whip that thing out and let’s have a look. You bring your Viagra and I’ll bring my gun. Let’s see who shoots first.)
Another 56 year old. His interests are playing pool, riding motorcycles, drinking beer and fishing. His message is “Yummy. I bet your kisses taste sweet.”
(Yes they do but you’re not going to be tasting them and I think you have me confused with Losers’ WTC.)
64 years old and describes himself as “blah, blah, blah, blah.” He’s on his Harley, holding a Confederate flag. His message was “hello gorgeous. I’d like to have you on my lap.”
(I’m hooked. I’ve been looking for “blah, blah, blah, blah.” Hop on your Harley and beat feet over here….right now! And don’t forget to bring your flag! Hell, I bet you even take the dishes out of the sink before you pee in it.)
This one is 66 years old. He lives in the mountains. His messages have been pretty innocuous so far. I haven’t responded in the last couple of days but today I got a message that said “I’m proud to be WHITE and Southern.”
*This was my actual response*
(Okay. You lost me at your capitalized “white.” Are you going to show up for a date dressed in sheets and carrying a burning cross? Not all Southerners are ignorant racists. End of conversation.)
Yet another 56 year old. He says “there’s no way you’re 65. Baby, I’d like to take you for a ride.” He’s into Karaoke but his first love is driving his “big rig” around and he’s looking for somebody to ride with him.
(The man of my dreams. A singing truck driver. I’ll be ready in 15.)
Now this one is interesting. His message was “your to pretty to be just wanting a date.”
I was ready to compose my usual biting criticism but for some reason, I read his profile. He had a stroke and lost 70% of the movement on his left side. He lives in Maryland, which is of course too far away but I wasn’t apathetic toward him like I have been toward the others.
(I won’t be making fun of this man.)
‘Till next time………