Home » A Wasted Life » Stick A Fork In Me…I’m Done.

Stick A Fork In Me…I’m Done.

Okay….one more post about the “adventures of Laurel.”

I got a message from a man whose profile says “54 year old female” asking “how does a beauty of your kind stay single?”  Then he said he “would like the privilege of knowing me better.”  (Hmmm.  Wonder what “my kind” is?  Well, Dan….you live in Nebraska, are a “hopeless romantic” and are looking for a serious relationship.  I’d say…”keep looking.”)

Now, here’s a prospect.  6′ 6″ tall, 70 years old, lives in Pennsylvania and is “looking for a relationship.”  His message is “hello beautiful.  I think I love you.”  (Okay….telling me you love me?  Sure!  I’ll fall for that and it will get my panties off every time!  Let’s rock!)

78 year old who lives in Tennessee.  His message is “you can’t be real.  Nobody is that good-looking.”  He says he will be happy to drive to meet me for a drink.  (Okay.  Obviously you need to get your glasses checked.  You’re willing to drive several hundred miles to have a drink?  Sorry, I’m not that thirsty.)

68 years old who lives in Oklahoma.  His message was “you’re stunning.”  (Okay.  Kudos for actually getting a contraction right.  Oklahoma may be the “sooner” state but I’d “sooner” you stay there.)

53 year old who lives in Virginia.  His message is “hello sexy.  You’re beautiful.”  He’s an animal lover and is proud to display them…the live ones as well as the ones that used to be alive.  (Sorry.  I have never really been interested in eating Thumper or hanging my coat on Bambi.)

Here’s a good one.  71 years old from North Carolina.  He is looking for a relationship.  He messaged me “I think you are very attractive and have a nice smile.  Why dose so many people judge you off a picture? I am a well groom man.  I’m not afraid to help you around the house or wash your car.  Please do not judge me from the others.  Is it so wrong to give me a chance?”  (I don’t know if it’s so wrong, but I know you’re not getting one.)

This really is hilarious.



60 thoughts on “Stick A Fork In Me…I’m Done.

  1. I was on a dating site and was amazed at the variety of um (how to put it delicately) um…okay going with blunt: Dick Shots I got. Wide, short, long, hairy, not hairy…and all with a tag of ‘at least 8 inches’. I’m no beauty and I was still hit on again and again and again. Good for the electronic self-esteem any way….and if a guy did send me a picture of his ‘little friend’ – he got blocked by me. Think they’d learn, wouldn’t ya?


    • I don’t know what was wrong with me. I NEVER got one of those. Just the old dude that wanted me to know he was fully functional. LOL
      Probably a good thing….I was used to tiny little bits. (That was so mean.)


  2. OMG!!!! I can’t believe it but 6′ 6″ tall, 70 years old lives right down the street from me.

    You need to compile these for a book Laurel. Maybe title it something like “The Dating Habits of Morons”


  3. Just a suggestion but have you ever done an open mic…..comedy club, you would be brilliant, you would slay there😊 I think you are a closet comedienne xx
    Hang my coat on Bambi 😛 get your panties off…lol
    Aww he doesn’t get a chance, boo Hoo, he will engage you again and again till he gets that chance…
    Yes the I love you, we know what that means ….run!!!!!


  4. Ha,ha! I recently got a message from a guy saying “let’s put a baby in that gorgeous body.” Prior to that the same guy said, ” how about a long term thing with kink and bondage?”
    You get the “manly men” with bad grammar and I get the horny guys.
    Guess we all have our population. Lol!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I found it when I did it a HUGE surprise. I seriously thought, who would want me… a 45year old mother of three teens who spent Friday nites grocery shopping. I considered even the weirdos a compliment – didn’t go out or followup with them, but a weirdo compliment… lol!


  6. These are great! I love your “sooner” man the best. 🙂

    My favorite story about a dating profile comes courtesy of a female co-worker who was on dating sites the same time I was, so we tended to have great stories for each other. She said her eyes bulged out at a man who sent her a message. When she looked at his profile to check him out before responding, she saw he had the following written in bold letters: “I am proud of the fact that I have never raised my hand to a woman.”



  7. Just a guess mind you, but I see these guys dressed for a date wearing plaid pants, stripped shirt, white belt and white shoes, unless they’re hot natured and come wearing plaid shorts, black knee high socks with sandals…….Turned on just thinking about it.


  8. Ha ha ha! This is hilarious! Where do all these men come from? Oh, right, you said which states they were from…. I meant more like… what planet? 🙂 And Laurel, you have a great sense of humor! “I’d sooner you stay there”! I laughed out loud! And: “Is it so wrong to give me a chance?” I wonder if that line ever worked with a woman….. No, mister Take-Pity-On-Me, you will NOT succeed with woman with a sad approach like that…. *sigh*

    As we talked about before, you could press pause and return when/if you get a bit curious again. I get it. I stay off the dating site more and more. I still log in sometimes, just for fun, to see what is out there…

    Liked by 1 person

      • haha I know, it is both funny and sort of sad at the same time.. 🙂 But sometimes i think, hey, we gotta give them credit for at least trying… 🙂 Can’t be easy to be a man either. I do not believe they get a lot of dates that easily. I think I will log in again tomorrow and see if there is someone nice, just for a chat….. 🙂


          • Yes.. I know.. I learned that all those who are really stressing and pressing it, they are usually not worth the effort… if they do not make the effort to get to know us a little bit, then just.. nah, sorry!

            That said, I have come to realize that, if/when we DO chat a bit with someone who captures our interest, we shouldn’t wait too long to just meet for coffee, or something. Cause it is SO easy to build up a dream image of them in our head. That sadly never matches reality. And we never actually know about chemistry, until we meet them in real life. So my plan is: If I chat with someone really nice, I will chat with them only for a few days, and then meet for coffee… but right now I am doubtful that will EVER happen… lol. At least we have each other, the blogging friends. That is not too bad! 🙂 Hugs.


            • I’m going to sound like a snob here, but I just couldn’t meet somebody who is dressed in cowboy attire…(or as annasnow said) in plaid pants held up with a white belt to match his white shoes. LOL. And, chatting? Half of them can’t even form a complete sentence….or they ask questions like “where do you live at?” UGH.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Haha oh nooo, not cowboy attire… well, then they would have to look really good in it, I suppose.. 🙂 Yes, it is our right to be snobs and picky. It is our lives and we deserve the best… Yes, I know a lot of people have trouble writing complete sentences. Perhaps they are skilled in other areas… 😉 Ha ha. Not likely.


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