Okay….one more post about the “adventures of Laurel.”
I got a message from a man whose profile says “54 year old female” asking “how does a beauty of your kind stay single?” Then he said he “would like the privilege of knowing me better.” (Hmmm. Wonder what “my kind” is? Well, Dan….you live in Nebraska, are a “hopeless romantic” and are looking for a serious relationship. I’d say…”keep looking.”)
Now, here’s a prospect. 6′ 6″ tall, 70 years old, lives in Pennsylvania and is “looking for a relationship.” His message is “hello beautiful. I think I love you.” (Okay….telling me you love me? Sure! I’ll fall for that and it will get my panties off every time! Let’s rock!)
78 year old who lives in Tennessee. His message is “you can’t be real. Nobody is that good-looking.” He says he will be happy to drive to meet me for a drink. (Okay. Obviously you need to get your glasses checked. You’re willing to drive several hundred miles to have a drink? Sorry, I’m not that thirsty.)
68 years old who lives in Oklahoma. His message was “you’re stunning.” (Okay. Kudos for actually getting a contraction right. Oklahoma may be the “sooner” state but I’d “sooner” you stay there.)
53 year old who lives in Virginia. His message is “hello sexy. You’re beautiful.” He’s an animal lover and is proud to display them…the live ones as well as the ones that used to be alive. (Sorry. I have never really been interested in eating Thumper or hanging my coat on Bambi.)
Here’s a good one. 71 years old from North Carolina. He is looking for a relationship. He messaged me “I think you are very attractive and have a nice smile. Why dose so many people judge you off a picture? I am a well groom man. I’m not afraid to help you around the house or wash your car. Please do not judge me from the others. Is it so wrong to give me a chance?” (I don’t know if it’s so wrong, but I know you’re not getting one.)
This really is hilarious.