I keep saying I’m not going to post anymore of my antics with the online dating but it is getting funnier and funnier.
66 years old. 5′ 7″ and lives in the “mountains.” Sent me a message saying “boy! You sure don’t look 65” and then tells me how much he loves to play music in bars and would love to buy me a drink or two.
(Hmmm….and which mountains might those be? Oh, sure, let’s go play some music in a bar. Maybe we can do the Texas two-step…while you’re holding your guitar and I’m singing…..before we get too drunk.)
Still getting messages from Mr. Chest hair saying “good morning, beautiful. PLEASE let me hear from you.”
(Okay, maybe you could put on a shirt because trust me, looking at your chest does not make for a good morning.)
This one’s great. 66 years old and sends a message that says “would love to meet you baby.” He sends pictures of his yard…full of junk cars and maybe dead bodies covered up with blue tarps. He owns a bait store.
(Wow…what’s for dinner tonight…fish….or whoever is buried out in your back yard?)
52 years old from the UK. His message is tame enough but he looks like he is three sheets to the wind.
(You’re just a wee bit too far away and maybe next time you could take a selfie before you get hammered.)
Here’s a good one. 58 years old. His message is “I’ve go to meet you! We can make beautiful music together! Please tell me you haven’t found somebody.” He sent a picture of himself…shirtless in bed, snuggling with Cujo.
(No, I haven’t found anybody and it’s pretty obvious why you haven’t either.)
53 years old. Sent me a message saying “how have you stayed single for so long? I would love to show you what a real man is.” His pictures are of himself in different bars and on the beach and he says he is a “night owl.”
(You caught me at the perfect time. I have always wondered what a real man is. I’ve spent my entire life on a turnip truck and I just fell off, so let’s boogie.)
73 years old. Starts his message by calling me “sweetheart” and said “you take my breath away.” He says “let’s meet and start a long lasting, fun, caring, honest and enduring relationship.”
(First, catch your breath. I’m not going to give you cyber mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Second, let’s be honest. I’m not your fucking sweetheart.)
Okay…enough for today.