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Fifteen More Messages

There must have recently been a huge clearance sale on cowboy hats, shirts with foot long fringe on the sleeves and mother of pearl snaps.  Everybody who showed up at the store with a checkbook, a credit card or cash, has found me.

I had fifteen messages this afternoon when I checked.

There were two who, in their first message to me, took the liberty of calling me “sweetheart.”  (Um.  I hate to break it to you, but I’m NOT your fucking sweetheart.)

One messaged me yesterday and I ignored it.  He sent me another message today, saying “c’mon.  Am I really so bad that you can’t even respond?”  (Well, there had to be SOME reason you didn’t get a response.  Maybe it was because you were on a motorcycle, in front of a bar, holding a pool cue.)
I got another message from him.  Apparently, since I didn’t answer his last message, he said “I take it we’re through chatting?”  I responded “I have other things to do right now.  I apologize for not making you my priority.”  (I guess I should have represented myself as a high-priced call girl and said “you want chat?  Send check.”)

There were three more men in their early fifties, who said “age is just a number and besides, you don’t look anywhere near your age.”  (Oh sure.  Shallow flattery about my age will have me thinking….in valley girl talk….Oh, my God!  I feel like I’m in high school again!)

There was a message from a retired firefighter.  We have absolutely nothing in common other than the connection with EMS but I’m not going to discuss my private life with anybody on this site.  (Maybe I should do what Loser did and say “you’re just a fucking firefighter.”)
I mean, come on.  If you don’t have a Duke degree, you’re like me…..worthless.

I did get a message from a man who could actually form a complete sentence.  He has a JD degree…which I assume is a Jurisprudence Degree but you know what they say when you assume…..you end up marrying a pig-shit Loser.  (Of course, this man could be a valuable asset, considering my sons’ lifestyle so maybe I’ll “play” with him a bit.)

I loved the message from the man whose personal picture is Jesus.  Now, true….I could use a little Divine intervention but I have already been married to God, so I think I’ll risk burning in Hell rather than get involved with His “son.”

Out of the fifteen, fourteen were only 5′ 10″ or less.  Now, I’ve heard that size doesn’t matter and I don’t have much of a marker to measure by but a few inches can make a lot of difference.  (We’re not talking about the exaggerated length of a penis…um fish here.  We’re talking about height.)

Lastly, there’s the self-described “beach bum.”  Oh, yeah…my favorite place to hang out…the beach.  There was a nice picture of him kissing his dog….another one of his hairy chest and his message was “your” cute.  (My cute what?  Could he possibly have meant “you’re cute?”)


Ugh….done for today.


73 thoughts on “Fifteen More Messages

  1. Hey sweetheart. Doesn’t that just grate on your nerves? And really any phrase that begins with “hey” is an automatic hell to the no! My favorite line though was “you want chat? Send check.” These guys are priceless.


  2. Pingback: REBLOG:  Fifteen More Messages « Making Time for Me

  3. Welcome to online dating, my friend. When you’ve gotten to the point where you get excited that a man has actually used the correct tenses in writing (you’re, their, etc) you know you’ve been broken in. Oh wait, that’s me now. Lol! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Literally laughing out loud at the Valley Girl voice! I do that all the time.
    You definitely need a sense of humor dealing with me. Lol.


      • 🙂 I know, I know… it’s hard to find them….it’s like a flea market… 90 percent old junk.. lol.. but then suddenly, a hidden treasure.. but I know what you mean… it is hard to keep up the energy for looking. I only look ocassionally now. Otherwise it gets too tiring.. 🙂


        • Did you find that if you didn’t IMMEDIATELY respond to a query, you got a nasty response? I mean, HELLO. We do have other things to do besides troll the dating site….I know I do….I have to read my friends blogs! LOL

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yes, that has happened to me a couple of times. Luckily, not many men have sent those nasty messages. If they do, I do not reply, and I just block them. Those people have serious issues, clearly, if they are getting angry at a complete stranger… We DO have other things to do. Blogging among the very important things, I’d say! : )


              • I don’t understand it either… but I figure; if it looks weird, talks weird, behaves weird, it probably IS… a narcissist.. 😉 Nah, that was mean of me… 🙂 If you are in a pissy mood, you know what to do…. – write a blog post! Lol. Hugs. Hopeyou get to be in a better mood soon!


                • LOL. It has to do with pig-shit Loser. Those unintentional far-reaching control tactics…..but I’m better now.
                  Yesterday, Sam was saying the same thing “if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck”….before he finished I said “it might be a swan!” LOL

                  Liked by 1 person

                  • Oh. 😦 Well i am glad you feel better.
                    How funny that Sam said the same expression as I used now. He seems like a smart man! 😉 And I loved how you changed the quote, cause I changed it too. Great minds think alike, huh? 😉


                    • They sure do! There’s quite a few “ducks” on that website….but the JD guy has me a tad intrigued….even though he doesn’t have a picture. I did just hear back from the Nova Scotia guy….”I’ll drive down for a date with you.” UGH….again, how does he know I’m not another Aileen Wournos? LOL

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Yes, I understand what you mean… it is definitely like looking for a needle in a haystack. Takes a lot of time and effort to find that darn needle… I have limited my haystack-searching to a few times per week, otherwise I just get annoyed.


  5. It keeps getting funnier, well least you managed to eek one decent catch from the dating pool😀 the send check bit…was priceless 😀men are funny, in mostly non funny ways, you make them funnier. They are clueless and arrogant mostly.


        • Thank you. These poor guys….some of them look like homeless men…some of them almost hurt my feelings, with their cowboy outfits, holding their latest deer kills’ head. UGH. A lot of people like hunting…I think it’s barbaric…but that’s just me.
          Hey…are you still following malignnarcs’ site?

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yes, made me laugh again….they seem hopeless, but good fodder 😏..yes, I still,out on malignancy blog….I changed WordPress to my name, as other one was bothering me to use it, it was name my ex narc called me, cuss she lie,d it better, I thought it was fitting to sue on a narc belong, I since changed my mind…..any more installments today 😀

            Liked by 1 person

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