This morning, I had 16 new “messages.”
- The first one was 5′ 10″. He had pictures of himself in a race car. (Did he not read about my disinterest in racing?) He also had a picture of his RV. (At least I didn’t see mom peeking out of the window.) He is “looking for a relationship and possible marriage.” (CAN HE NOT READ?)
- One man sent me a message that said “your smile is like fresh morning dew on a brand new day.” (Then he apologized for missing my requirements by 3″.)
- “I’m your Southern gentleman.” At least he was 6′ 3″ but he must have been too tired to write anything else and he’s looking for a wife.” (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?)
- “Good looking and speaks the hard truth.” (Sends a picture of himself with his dog in his bed.) “I wish you were here with us.” (KEEP WISHING. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
- “Your beautiful.” He sent a picture of himself on his motorcycle, saying “I wish you were on my back seat.” (Apparently he can’t read either….AND IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
- 54 years old and 5′ tall. Says “you are beautiful. I like tall women.” (He has no picture.)
- “Hello Mountain goddess.” Of course, like every other man has said…”you’re beautiful. Yes, sexy and beautiful.” (He looks like one of the Duck Dynasty dudes….actually, much like Losers’ new look…shaggy beard and Albert Einstein hair.) Ummmm….don’t think so.
- “I live in New York but you’d be worth the trip for a drink.” (Did he not read the part about bars?)
- This one is maybe the best. This guy is 53. He sent me a picture of his “rat-tail.” It was pretty impressive. It was all the way down to his waist. He’s looking for a serious relationship….ideally, marriage. (I’M LAUGHING TOO HARD TO EVEN PUT MY USUAL.)
Here’s an interesting thing. Two different “usernames.” Two different pictures. A message from each one, with exactly (and I mean EXACTLY) the same spiel. There must be a playbook out there for men who can’t fabricate their own
Enough for today…..
I had to edit this in. I just got a message from a man telling me he liked to shoot pool and was looking for a beautiful woman to play with him. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I think I was clear about bars, POOL and beer. (I’m not the WTC.)