Home » A disease-Giving Husband » And The Beat Goes On

And The Beat Goes On

This morning, I had 16 new “messages.”

  1.  The first one was 5′ 10″.  He had pictures of himself in a race car.  (Did he not read about my disinterest in racing?)  He also had a picture of his RV.  (At least I didn’t see mom peeking out of the window.)  He is “looking for a relationship and possible marriage.”  (CAN HE NOT READ?)
  2.  One man sent me a message that said “your smile is like fresh morning dew on a brand new day.”  (Then he apologized for missing my requirements by 3″.)
  3.  “I’m your Southern gentleman.”  At least he was 6′ 3″ but he must have been too tired to write anything else  and he’s looking for a wife.”  (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?)
  4.  “Good looking and speaks the hard truth.”  (Sends a picture of himself with his dog in his bed.)  “I wish you were here with us.”  (KEEP WISHING.  IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
  5.  “Your beautiful.” He sent a picture of himself on his motorcycle, saying “I wish you were on my back seat.” (Apparently he can’t read either….AND IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.)
  6.  54 years old and 5′ tall.  Says “you are beautiful.  I like tall women.” (He has no picture.)
  7.  “Hello Mountain goddess.”  Of course, like every other man has said…”you’re beautiful.  Yes, sexy and beautiful.”  (He looks like one of the Duck Dynasty dudes….actually, much like Losers’ new look…shaggy beard and Albert Einstein hair.)  Ummmm….don’t think so.
  8.  “I live in New York but you’d be worth the trip for a drink.”  (Did he not read the part about bars?)
  9.  This one is maybe the best.  This guy is 53.  He sent me a picture of his “rat-tail.”  It was pretty impressive.  It was all the way down to his waist.  He’s looking for a serious relationship….ideally, marriage.  (I’M LAUGHING TOO HARD TO EVEN PUT MY USUAL.)

Here’s an interesting thing.  Two different “usernames.”  Two different pictures.  A message from each one, with exactly (and I mean EXACTLY) the same spiel.  There must be a playbook out there for men who can’t fabricate their own lies….um…pick-up lines.

Enough for today…..

I had to edit this in.  I just got a message from a man telling me he liked to shoot pool and was looking for a beautiful woman to play with him.  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  I think I was clear about bars, POOL and beer.  (I’m not the WTC.)

82 thoughts on “And The Beat Goes On

  1. Lol at all these guys! 😉
    Someone told me once, or I figured it out, or whatever, that we as women have to be the ones who go looking/searching on the dating site, and write to the ones with the profiles and photos that actually do appeal to us.. and ignore all the other ones who simply write to us (sort of like “players”), otherwise we would get weary soon…. I don’tknow. I am not good at taking initiative at all… but perhaps there is a point to that kind of thinking.. that we look around and make the choice.. Anyway, I think it is just hilarious the way you write about this, and so wonderful that you are on a dating site, even if just browsing!! 🙂

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  2. Great, entertaining post. Also sent chills down my spine because of my own (thankfully brief) experience with online dating after my first marriage. One thing that appears to be universal for either gender are the number of people who do NOT read profiles. They see a picture and just send a message, completely ignoring what you’ve written. I listed hikes in the park, going to bookstores, reading, and cooking. What I got were queries about going out on the family boat, visiting amusement parks, and watching reality TV shows. Um… The other thing that used to bother me were the women whose profile pictures had them wearing sunglasses. 🙂 Hang in there… online dating is not for the faint of heart!

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  3. There’s actually quite a few playbooks for players on Internet date sites, and yes, they read like a manual so you get guys doing exactly the same thing. I’m so flummoxed that you call out race cars and bikes and you still get so many. Is there a weird fad I don’t know about? I’m so confused

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  4. ” Worth the trip for a drink”……He wasn’t talking about a bar or alcohol sexy Laurel, he wants a drink of you……..Bet that makes you want to upchuck your Boost.

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  5. I was laughing so hard I prematurely hit send lol….omg these are pricelessly hilarious.
    I think maybe once turned on by your their Brain is unable to connect letters to read or write 😀 they just need to get their foot in the door ASAP…no matter the wrong height, marriage minded, revving and wheeling types ….
    Lol on his mum peeking out from camper…..almost choked on that laugh😛
    Now number four, is interesting he has humour, pursue him, he intentionally did the dog joke to entice you..he did read, that was no faux pas..he must get points for humour and effort and appropriate height😉
    I wonder if you changed photo if same men who reply again, seeing they don’t really read, maybe they just look at the picture, like babies 😛

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    • I’m not sure the dog was a joke. They looked pretty comfortable to me. If I changed my photo or didn’t put one, I probably wouldn’t get any responses. I have gotten so many pictures of these guys on their motorcycles….like they’re attached at the hip or something. My son-in-law has a motorcycle and so does my friend from high school, but they’re not all bandannaed up with their Bowie knives and guns visible. But you know, the last time I saw Loser, he looked just like one of these guys (his WTC likes for him to look like the rest of her bar buddies….scruffy beards and wild hair.) If I saw his picture, the first thought that would enter my mind is “this guy looks like a serial killer.”

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