Home » A Wasted Life » A Text From My Son

A Text From My Son

Late last night, my son sent me a text.  Attached were three pictures of my second daughters’ children. (The daughter who hasn’t spoken to me in over a year.)  Her daughters were all dressed up in their Valentines’ Day outfits.

Why would he send those to me?  Why?  I don’t think he was trying to hurt me but I don’t know why he did it.  I asked him why but he didn’t respond.

Those are two little girls that I am never going to see, much less know.  The only time I ever saw the youngest one, she had just been born.  Now, she is walking.

I wonder if my daughter ever thinks “that’s the way mom used to dress us.”  I wonder if she thought “I wish mom could see them.”

I wonder if she realizes that I was the one who tried to make holidays special because their daddy was preoccupied with himself and really didn’t give a shit.

I wonder if, when she is overwhelmed with the duties of motherhood, she wonders “how did mom do it, with four children…and all by herself?”

My daughter is lucky.  Her children have aunts and uncles who are part of their lives.  Those aunts and uncles actually care not only about her but they care about her children.

She has in-laws who not only care about her but they care about her children.  She doesn’t have a mother-in-law who gets drunk and abuses her, while her husband sits there like a stump and ignores it.

She has a husband who not only cares about her but he also cares about HIS children.  He doesn’t choose beer and bars over her and her children.

Her husband doesn’t do everything he possibly can to be away from them.  He’s not “working” at a bar with other women, or overseas or in Las Vegas while she’s at home, alone, taking care of his children.

I imagine that Loser and the WTC got those pictures.  I imagine Loser and the WTC made sure they sent cards, to keep up the illusion that “they actually give a shit.”  It makes THEM look good.  Mom didn’t send anything.

I don’t imagine any of those questions ever enter her mind.  After all, it’s MY fault that our marriage failed.  It’s MY fault that the family is fractured.  It’s MY fault that I wouldn’t allow Loser to bring that WTC to my house and sleep with her in my bed, making a happy extended family possible.
It’s MY fault that my daughters’ children will never know their grandmother.

What a horrible person I am.

 

45 thoughts on “A Text From My Son

  1. My heart goes out to you Laurel and I wish there were words that could soothe your pain. The problem with dysfunctional families (and I’m of the belief that most of us are) is the repetitive behaviors of the generations. Your daughter probably won’t wake up to being empathetic to how you feel until her children (heaven forbid) someday ostracize her for whatever reason. I think choosing you is a good, healthy thing and though by the sounds of it there’s little chance of change, I hope this will someday provide healing for you, your children and grandchildren.

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      • It’s funny (I mean this in a say way) the things they choose to retain. Though I’m not estranged from my kids (at the moment at least) they do the same. If it’s any consolation at all it sounds like you were a good mom in spite of your marriage and background with your parents. Sending hugs Laurel ❤

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  2. The pain of rejection hurts so much. I feel that your son is hoping for a reconciliation one day like the many whose families are fractured by events that occur in their lives. All we can do is pray for our families. God knows the desires of our hearts and I know that you want to one day be reconciled with your daughter and her family.

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  3. You are always on my heart.. I know you live with unbearable pain.. I feel it in each word..
    I would love to grab coffee and just sit with you and let you talk scream and cry it out.. Though it feels like it – you are not alone.. One day you will smile from the inside again.. Hang in there💕💕💕

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  4. You cannot control others intentions or actions, be they good or bad. All you can control is how you choose to deal with them. When I read your posts about your family, I sense so much hurt and anger. You are right to be angry, but at some point it becomes bitterness, which makes it difficult to heal from all the hurts. Please don’t let their negative ideas of you poison your beautiful heart. Sometimes when we do what’s best for ourselves, our dysfunctional family members cannot handle it and lash out, choosing to stick with those who play into the dysfunction. It has very little to do with you and everything to do with them and their grasp on reality, which is so narrow and misguided compared to the widened horizons you are experiencing now that you are out of that alternate reality.
    💙

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    • I am angry and I want to be over it. I think the only way to get over it is to just expel all of them out of my life. I will never understand how they can turn their back on their mama after what Loser did to me…but that’s the way it is. One of my former son-in-laws once said “if somebody doesn’t add something to your life, they don’t need to be in your life.” I think that is sound advice….and advice I need to follow. Just because you gave birth to somebody and spent your entire young life taking care of them….doesn’t mean they are going to care. Sigh.

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  5. I have no wisdom to share, as I too was married to a workaholic by day, alcoholic by evening. I held the family together for a decade. I told my husband I wanted a divorce and asked him to move out multiple times. He wouldn’t move, so I did one month after my youngest graduated from high school. I have been blamed in so many ways for the outcome, the broken family, the ‘pain’ I supposedly caused the ex. Our kids just don’t get it until they live through it themselves. When I fell in love with my ex I wondered how anything could ever come between us…but time changes everything. Sooner or later.

    Don’t do anything harsh. Instead, be steadfast in your love of them regardless of what they give back. No one can ever fault you for loving them. Will it hurt? Hell, yeah. But you will be bullet proof from further criticism and if you maintain a steady constant of behavior, then they will notice. Eventually. If you make a harsh move like destroying photos and lashing out about texted photos of grandkids, you will slam the door to any possibility of future relationships. Being adult sucks sometimes, but someone has got to do it. Note: This is directed as much at me as a reminder of my goals as it is to you.

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    • I really didn’t lash out at my son. I just asked him a question. Since I didn’t get a response, I am sure it’s because he was drinking and he knows he’s not supposed to contact me when he’s drinking. I would never destroy photos or anything else. I would just return them. I did reach out to them but I never got a response. That was a clear message. They are like their daddy….treat somebody like shit, forget about it and expect the other person to turn the other cheek. Both of my cheeks are so badly bruised….and there will not be another opportunity for somebody to slap them again.

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  6. I’m sorry that you are hurt by these things. I can’t imagine not having that relationship with your kids and how hard that must be. Then beyond that, how it is effecting your relationship with your grandchildren. Missing out on those moments, those events and milestones in their lives can not be easy. Despite you asking him not send pictures, I bet he thought that he was doing something nice. Sorry that you are going through this.

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    • It’s history repeating itself. My children didn’t know my mama and daddy because they were MY children. My mama and daddy could have cared less about them. My second daughter was named after my daddy but he didn’t even remember. Neither one of my parents had a clue when my childrens’ birthdays were.
      My children didn’t know Losers’ mama and daddy because his mama was always drunk and abusive so I didn’t allow them around. They also didn’t care because they were MY children…not to mention that it was MY fault that their precious son begat daughters.
      To my daughter, her children not having a grandmother (because she’s insane, per Loser) is perfectly normal.

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  7. He probably felt bad you don’t see them and thought you’d like a pic. I remember giving me ex my dons graduation picture because he hadn’t seen him in a year she a half. You can still love them, even though your daughter is so f’d up. I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. Big hugs.

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    • I was just thinking….I think I’m going to pack up all of the past pictures, the things they gave me, the things I have kept from their childhood…and return them. Just get rid of all vestiges of them, just like I did with Loser. I don’t need the reminders and the “triggers” around to constantly make me feel bad.

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  8. I don’t think he is in a place to cognitively grasp why you would be hurt by them. He wants the happy family. He needs harmony and that includes his mom knowing how adorable his nieces are, you’re right I think he’s not remembering that you asked him not to send those pics. I’m so sorry for this hurt. I wish I could tear a bit of a strip
    Of your daughters. There’s so much messed up stuff in this world. You don’t deserve this momma.

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    • I hate to think he had been drinking and that’s why he forgot. Just a year ago, HE was the one who was ostracized. HE was the one who wasn’t included. HE was the one who didn’t get pictures. Hell, that’s the reason my daughter stopped speaking to me….I said HIS name. Now, they’re best buds!

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      • I don’t even mean necissarily because he was inebriated at the moment. Alcohol over time will just crush your synapses. You don’t have a memory that holds onto nuance. You don’t have the fine motor skills and they include the ones in your brain which control tact. He saw a nice pic and wanted to share it with his mom. It never got flagged as “danger” for you because he’s not capable of seeing that shit anymore… Potentially.

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        • He actually called me earlier. He gave the excuse of not responding last night as “he went to sleep.” He apologized for sending them and I didn’t give him any shit about it. I think he keeps hoping for some kind of resolution but I think he knows it’s not going to happen. 😦

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  9. Very strange that he sent you that text… I wonder if he had any thought about it… perhaps just wanted you to “get to see them”, even if you aren’t there .. I am hoping and believing he had good intentions, even though I understand it must have been painful… It is such a shame that your daughter can not see the truth, but I think one day she will… 💜🌷🌼🌷

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  10. Hugs Laurel. I’m sure you’re never far from your daughter’s thoughts. Is there any way your son could play a part in tentatively healing your relationship with her? No matter how close she is to her father, she must miss her mother…

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    • My son was actually instrumental in my attempt to reach out the her and her sister. I never got a response from either one of them. I didn’t really think I’d hear from them so it wasn’t devastating. I do think that my daughter would be furious if she knew he sent me those pictures. He had sent pictures before and I asked him not to do it because it hurt me. I guess he didn’t remember.

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