Home » A disease-Giving Husband » Why I Hate Valentines’ Day

Why I Hate Valentines’ Day

Yesterday I went out to get some Boost.  I had been in a funk lately and hadn’t timed my last order right.  It was going to be almost another week before my usual two cases were delivered.

I wish I had stayed at home.  The store was crowded with men, acting like ants who had found a dead bird to devour as they were combing over the vast array of Valentine shit.

I wondered how many of those men with the big red, candy-filled, satin heart-shaped boxes in their carts, along with the gratuitous, bullshit cards expressing endless love and the bunch of roses…were hiding that they have been unfaithful.  I wondered if any of them had given their unsuspecting wives an incurable STD.
I saw one man carefully choosing the little card that always comes with flowers.

I was so incredibly sad, I felt like I could hardly breathe.

I was taken back to when I found the little envelope with the name “Doolittle” written on the front.  Doolittle had been marked through and the name “H***” had been written underneath.  I opened the envelope and saw a nice little card that said “Happy Valentines’ Day!” (in Losers’ handwriting.)

On the back of that card was written “H***, what can I say that hasn’t already been said” and it was signed, “Doo.”
I was reading this right in front of Loser.  I had already found out that he had been unfaithful and I knew it was with HER.
When I asked him what her message meant, he lamely said “I don’t know…I probably yelled at her at work or something.” I said “if you bought me flowers every time you yelled at me, you wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage….and you never bought ME flowers for Valentines’ Day.”

He said “let me have that.”  I said “no.  I’m going to hang on to it for a while.”
I kept that card in my wallet for ten years.  When I sent his goodbye letter, I taped it to the bottom of the letter, crossed out “Doo” and put my initial.

After that, I couldn’t celebrate Valentines’ Day for more than six years.  The year I finally thought I had healed enough….another bomb was dropped on me.

Loser had started calling me regularly because he was excited about our new “friends with benefits” relationship (which meant nothing more than he was going to start treating me like his whore, while he kept his WTC.)
He called me on Valentines’ Day with his usual mundane chatter.
I finally said “happy Valentines’ Day” and he could have won an Oscar for his pitiful, lamentation “oh, babe.  I didn’t do anything this year….on either end.  It was just too weird.  I think I’m just going to go home and drink my dinner.”

I must admit, I felt a little sorry for him….until “somebody” sent me the pictures of him and his WTC with their arms wrapped around each other at a “Sweethearts’ Valentines’ Day” party at an airplane hangar.
He had bought the tickets a few weeks earlier and knew exactly what he had planned when he was lying to me.

 

This is why I HATE Valentines’ Day.

 

 

 

58 thoughts on “Why I Hate Valentines’ Day

  1. Eliza Doolittle, from my Fair lady, I am thinking , not so fair, or lady applies here though 😉 You know, having a sense of humour through all of these things is a wonderful gift to yourself , keep it up ❤️

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  2. Great entry. I don’t like Valentine’s either, never have. Whether in a good or bad relationship or single. I find it contrived, especially in troublesome relationships. I wrote a poem once about flowers I received on Valentine’s, gave it to him, he never understood the poem. I perceived the flowers as more guilt then love. Dying just as quickly sometimes.
    I like you send the card along with your goodbye letter. How did it feel to let it go after ten years? Empowering. I hope.

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  3. Ha, one year for Valentines I got the same gift he gave his girlfriend. I didnt know it at the time. But later when I learned of her, I tracked her down on facebook to see her wearing the same necklace he gave me. I gave it to my daughter, but I never see her wear it. I like that necklace, I might wear it today, while celebrating with my David. It means nothing to me anymore, so why not keep it, lol!!!

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    • Geeze. I returned the only jewelry I had left (that my son didn’t steal) and I fully expect that the WTC is probably wearing some of it. She probably got a really nice clock for an occasion, too. Loser got me a really nice necklace as a guilt gift (when he told me about the WTC on Christmas.) My son stole it. I was able to replace it because it was a really nice necklace. I still have a hard time wearing it though because it reminds me of Loser. Those men are PIGS…and so are the women who got involved with them. I’m so glad you have your David. Hugs.

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  4. 💔 It’s just another day. You are your own best love. And even though things aren’t perfect, your son reaching out was his way of telling you he loves you. Think of it like that. Hugs and love to my beautiful friend. 💙

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  5. Sorry about the trigger. I’m not particularly fond of it either. It’s day where you are supposedly sharing love for couples. I feel couples should show each other that within a daily basis, not only reserved for a specific day. But I wondered what does ,”Doo” mean ?

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  6. God, he was really a shithead. Really really really. You so didn’t, don’t, deserve that shit. Fuck him. And really, it was nice of your son to think of you, even though he doesn’t get it. I’m gonna put up the picture my son shared on my FB timeline. It’s good to have someone who thinks of us without trying to manipulate us.

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    • Good…I’d like to see the picture. My poor little boy…he said he wished he could magically transport himself here and spend the day with me. And….he would be nice to me and try his best to make me feel special….something he learned from me (he says)…NOT Loser. Our sons are special, aren’t they?

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        • Exactly! My sons’ girlfriend said “he’s so easy to love.”
          My son tries to joke around with me, especially when I’m feeling worthless and ugly. He walks up and says “if you weren’t my mom….WOW!”
          I wish he could find his way out of alcoholism…. 😦

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          • God, it’s so hard when such a great kid has to deal with issues like that. My poor kid has a strong alcoholism gene in his pool, but so far, has been able not to succumb. Maybe because he lived through his fathers horrible alcoholism and sees where it can take someone. IDK. I count my blessings.

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            • My son (as well as my daughters) lived through not only Losers’ alcoholism but his mamas’ too. They never saw any repercussions on either side, so I’m sure they thought it was okay…and that’s what the H***s did. MOM was the weird one…the one who caused trouble and didn’t “get along”…..because she wouldn’t touch a drop.

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              • My son has seen his father fall from having a successful business and a family, a home, a yacht…..to nothing. To losing all of it…living in a rented cottage all alone. He lives with me, and sees the clear difference in lifestyle. Thank God I got out before he was able to lose everything and got enough to have a decent life. And to offer my son clear choices. It was hard work to get him to see, and talk about it, but I really think he’s gonna have a good life.

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                • That’s wonderful. I hope he does have a good life and isn’t damaged in ways that he doesn’t yet realize. 😦
                  When Loser got fired from his high-profile job, I lied to my family and friends…and our children. He didn’t want anybody to know….even though I knew he had been unfaithful, I was still in protection mode. I didn’t want anybody to think badly about him… what a dolt!
                  My children see what he’s become now…they see who he’s taken up with…but they don’t care….they’re made at me for falling apart. C’est la vie.

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                  • i’m so sorry about that….Hopefully they’ll see the light some day, and make the full circle trip back. People used to get mad at me for talking to my son about his fathers alcoholism, “You shouldn’t talk bad about his father.” My take was always, I can’t protect my child if he doesn’t know the truth. I’m not bad mouthing his dad, I’m helping my son to understand the forces at play, and what had happened to his life. Particularly during the 18 months he lived with his father, I could only protect him by informing him. I’ve never regretted it for a moment, and I think those who advised me differently have no idea what the repercussions of living with an alcoholic are.

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                    • I don’t know if they’ll ever see the light or not. I spent my entire life, being criticized for being unreasonable…hating being around drinking and drunk people…nobody understood. My children thought I was being a bitch, when I complained about Loser and his mamas’ drinking and abuse….they’d say “mom….you’re the only person in the world who has never had a drink….you’re never smoked pot….you never had sex with anybody”…I was the monster. Even when Loser and I would get into a fight in the parking lot because I told him my children weren’t getting in the car after he had been drinking all day, and he threw the keys at me….I was the bad guy….”I embarrassed DAD.”

                      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh wow- I had a similar experience. Some loser gave me and another person crap for Valentine’s Day and tried to tell everybody “Oh I just got both of my ‘baby mama’s stuff for Valentine’s Day since they carried my kids. It’s the ‘right’ thing to do.”

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  8. That is indeed some shitty memories *hugs*. Oddly enough I do not have any specific trauma like that attached to this day. Well, I didn’t usually get anything from ex narc…that was kind of a sad feeling, made me feel like I wasn’t worth the effort.. oh, one of the first years, I got a text message with a picture of a rose or some shit like that. .. but no mention of any celebration with me.. he had something more important to do.. of course. Lol. Hugs, friend!! Let us remember that this is just one darn day like any other day. It is over before we know it. 🌹🌸🌼

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