Home » A Wasted Life » Get Out Of My Dreams

Get Out Of My Dreams

Loser has started to invade my dreams.  In all the forty-one years we were together, I had only dreamed about him once and that was when he was standing at the top of three stairs, smiling while I was being ripped apart.

What gives him the right to suddenly start visiting me in what is the only time I can get away from the thoughts and regrets and anger?

I woke up at four o’clock this morning, with my heart racing.  I knew I would never be able to go back to sleep, so I just got up and checked my email and looked for new blog posts.
I was surprised when I received an admonishing message by one of malignnarcs’ avid readers.  She chastised me for  being mean…with my nasty comments, to somebody who was “only trying to help us.”
I was amused and I’m quite sure HG is appreciative of his new, protective “fuel.”

Maybe I’m dreaming about Loser because I am still so furious about how he treated my youngest daughter…or maybe it’s because of my sons’ predicament.
It’s not like I didn’t see his abuse toward my children during their entire lives nor is the whole J***** situation anything new, so it’s a mystery to me.

I successfully employed the “no contact” rule but I guess I didn’t read the FINE print.  I didn’t want him in my life and I certainly didn’t want him in my dreams.  I know he is still in my head, but only because of my relentless desire for Karmic revenge.

I would ask Pearl (my pendulum) what the Hell is going on but for me, she seems to be as useless as a third tit.

The dreams aren’t nightmares.  They are confusing.  In my dreams, he is crying and I feel helpless because I don’t know what to do.  I am conscious that I don’t want to help him but I question myself as to whether or not I should.

He’s young.  He still has dark hair and the scars on his face are still red.  The feelings of disgust are there, as they were for the last several years of our so-called life together.   I FEEL GUILTY for not putting my arms around him or kissing him on the cheek…or saying some hollow phrase.

I don’t wake up feeling sad or nostalgic.  I wake up wanting to throw something across the room.  I want to call his cellphone and say “I’M AWAKE AT FOUR O’CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING BECAUSE OF YOUR ASS…AND I WANT YOU TO BE AWAKE, TOO.”
I wouldn’t of course, and I couldn’t if I wanted to because I deleted his number.  Besides, I wouldn’t waste my “free, unlimited minutes” on a call to him.

I’m ready for the “invasion of the dream snatcher” to be thrown into the bottom of the two dollar bin.

Maybe I dreamed about him last night because I remembered him saying “I think you hate my guts and are trying to destroy me.”  Poor thing.  It was all about him!
He accused me of trying to destroy him after what he did to me and our family?

I hate to lose my Southern gentility but sometimes I wish his dick would fall off, get run over and smashed FLAT by a rogue Matchbox car.





28 thoughts on “Get Out Of My Dreams

  1. 😃 Holler if you get stuck on any step and I will try to explain better.. also holler if you would need an explanation about how to insert links to other blogs, in a nice looking way. Maybe you already know how to do that of course. ☺ Oh, and another tip in general: If you got the hang of how to copy-save-insert images into your blog post, you could use that knowledge to insert other images at other times, using the same principle, should you ever feel like it. If so, be aware that almost all images on internet are under copyright laws. A good, simple page where you can find images that are free to use on your blog, is: http://www.pixabay.com Hugs 😄


  2. You’re welcome!😊 I was confused too! So this is a sort of lengthy explanation. Sorry about that. 😊 I’ve tried googling it to get more info. Like so many blog awards, it doesn’t seem to be a formal thing, just something created among bloggers to give recognition and put the limelight on great bloggers!

    For this award, I found that it was created by a blogger originally. As a way for bloggers to show appreciation for other bloggers, by “passing the award forward”, once you’ve received the “nomination” from someone.

    I’ve understood that it was also meant as a good way to promote both your own blog, aswell as other blogs.
    (Since the one who gets the nomination, mentions other bloggers on their own blog… And those who you nominate, in turn thank you, and also provide a link to you, on their blogs. So that some of their readers can “discover” you)… so in that way, it “opens up” the blog reading circles a bit wider, I suppose.

    To make my own post about this award and pass it forward, I simply looked at how Megan had done in her post, and copied it. (Pictures and all). Well, I put in my own “7 facts”, and names for “nominations”, of course. Hugs! 😁


      • Well, yes, if you want to. It is not mandatory. You won’t go to jail if you don’t do it 😃 Uhm, if you want to make it easier and take a bit less time writing the post, what you could do, is simply make your list of nomination names, just that. Just a list of links to the blogs. Both Megan and I chose to add a bit of info about each and every blog we linked.. BUT I have seen several bloggers who simply just put links to the blogs, instead. (Saves a lot of time!). Ifnyou do like that, then it’s basically mostly: writing the 7 facts about yourself, adding some links to the nomination blogs, and copying the pictures into the post. Ask if you have more questions on how to do it (if you’re interested). I thought it was sort of fun, as I’ll never get the Nobel Prize! 😃 hugs.


          • Hey, it’s not a problem at all! We did not all grow upp with computers. Lengthy explanation again cause I do wanna help. Sorry for long text😊

            I do not know if you ever copied/downloaded a picture from the Internet to your computer? If so, you can just copy the little “award pictures” I used in my post. If you are unsure as to copy and save:

            1) go into my post so you see the award pictures; all three of them, the red/white ones. 2) use your computer mouse, the button to the right on it. Use that button to rightclick on the picture, and up pops a little menu. There you choose “Save picture as” or “save image as”, now you get to choose where to save the image. To make it easy to find it, you can choose to save it on “desktop” of your computer. Just click on “desktop” somewhere up to the left in the list, and then look on the screen down to the right again, for a save button, and click that.

            3)now when you are writing your own post, you just have to use wordpress’s own tools, all the little Buttons and symbol right above where you are writing your post. Right under “title” of the post, you find an image icon, ( to the far left, upper row out of the 2 rows). Press that, (add media its called), and then blue button = “add new, then opens a menu of your computer where you scroll upp and find and click “desktop”. In there you will find your saved image, you just click it, it pops up so you see it, then in the right lower corner, press blue button “insert”. Done and inserted into your post! 😃 I apologize if my explanation was lengthy and explained too many steps.. I was not sure of which steps you knew… 💜👍


  3. I’m reading this while in a training class and couldn’t help but laugh. Out loud. OOPS! I think CR is onto something…you are healing…so get all those dreams and filth and hurt and pain OUT…so you can replace it with… HUGS


  4. I believe creativerational says a lot of good things here, I also believe the dream is about healing… it may be your subconscious just trying to deal with all the unresolved feelings around this. I hope he stays away from your dreams from now on!! Oh, did you say you wouldnt’t waste your “free, unlimited minutes on him”? Loool, if I read that right, that’s hilarious 😀 Like…” I wouldn’t p*ss on my ex if he were on fire” haha sorry for joking… I seem to be in a good mood today… I wish you better sleep from now on, hugs.


    • I did say “free unlimited minutes!” LOL. Your saying is exactly what people used to say about Loser…”I wouldn’t piss up J*** H***s’ asshole if his guts were on fire.” Now, THAT is making a statement! I hope he stays the hell out of my dreams, too. Some “diseases” you just can’t seem to get rid of.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I do believe he will fade away more and more from your memories and dreams…of course we can never forget.. but I do believe we can make them fade into pale figures on the fringes of our existence… like a photography over-exposed with light, where you can barely make out the facial features of a person! (Sorry, been spending too much time on my photo posts, I’d better get back to writing again, soon.. 🙂 )


        • You know, I was thinking the other day, that I don’t remember exactly what he looks like anymore. The last few times I saw him, I couldn’t look at him (and he noticed.) Maybe that’s why, when I dream about him, he’s young. One of the luckiest things is that three of my children look like me (and the youngest daughter is my virtual clone) so if I ever saw them again, I wouldn’t see him. The middle daughter looks like the mailman…LOL (inside joke.)


  5. I think you might be dreaming of him because you’re healing. Little by little you are changing. This isn’t a good comfortable thing always. Sometimes it hurts like a bitch. But… You have excised Ex from life. You’ve taken some other steps. He is becoming less and less important to your everyday. There’s a few things which may be at play: habit. You’ve spent so long being twisted, your psyche is trying to throw him in the mix because you usually experience x amount of torment by him… And haven’t lately. Guilt. You tried for so long and finally got free, to fix him/be enough/be good enough to be loved/ figure out why he was so terrible because he must be a real person under that veil of evil (news flash: as much as you know he’s terrible, sometimes your inner self doesn’t get it or agree because if he’s not terrible, he’s misunderstood and you failed him, you can still blame yourself for the failure which I think you are wired to do because of momma)… Preparation: in a psychology class my prof brought in a psychic once who said you dream things to prepare you to deal with them in real life. That’s where déjà vu comes from because you really grasped that dream…you’re heading towards healing, your brain is trying to get you ready for facing some of your inner stuff (such as guilt) by showing you the bits of vulnerability in your armour of hate of the ex. Expulsion: to get through it you have to go through not over. Facing every visage of him and still feeling how you feel… Gets his shit out of your system. Strengthening: maybe you dreamed him this way because that is a state which you feel he needs to be in for you to be strong enough to overcome his idiocy. Like I can’t fight a tiger but I could fight one who has been shot and is bleeding out… So I would dream about that version of a tiger.

    I don’t think dreams have to mean anything, but I have had some doozies of my own. You can control your dreams, once you realize it’s a dream. So take it back. Squeeze him into a ball, make him go away. Be running and move to another location. It takes practise but once you learn to do it you could potentially learn to move away from this – sometimes you semi wake, enough to exit the dream and move to another but fall back to sleep.

    I wish you rest

    Liked by 2 people

    • Great analogy with the tiger. I told my youngest daughter about these dreams and she asked me if I DO comfort him. I said “no, I wake up.” She said “that’s your brain telling you to get the hell out of there.” LOL. I don’t know if it’s how I want to see him or not….he cried all the time (for himself.) Seeing him cry was about as common as suffering his abuse. I never felt sorry for him when he cried in real time, so maybe I’m feeling guilty about that and feeling sorry for him in dreams.
      I do so resent him visiting me at night. I would much rather it be the other way around. I would like for him to wake up screaming every night…because I’m hovering over him with a butcher knife! LOL Just deserts!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow, a Matchbox car. Originality at its finest! My ex still appears in my dreams, and I suppose she always will. Fortunately for me they’re only occasional nighttime visits. Fortunately she represents no Jacob Marley-type symbolism. 🙂


  7. Lady you just tickled my innards…”dick run over by a Matchbox car….that big huh…….May I suggest a blog that I really enjoy. “Happy Hausfrau Blog”……You and I share the same sense of humor and you will really like Jenny. Be sure to start at the beginning…..Eat some snow cream for me please.


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