Home » A disease-Giving Husband » Court Date For My Son

Court Date For My Son

My son has his court date today (for the DUI.)  I talked to him a few days ago and he said if I didn’t hear from him for a while, I would know what that meant.
He asked me to send his pictures to him.  A friend of his owns a restaurant and said he would display them.  I think J***** has it in mind that he could make a little money.
He used to sit at Starbucks and draw his pictures and people would come up and offer him money for them on the spot.
He asked me to send him some cigarettes with the caveat that he would stop smoking when they were gone.  I asked him if he had smoked the entire carton that I had given him when I was down there.
He said he still had a few packs left.
I told him I wasn’t going to start sending him cigarettes and asked him why he didn’t stop when those last few packs were gone.  He said “never mind.”

He went to the outpatient clinic and said that it “went well.”  He was given a form to give to the judge because it was certainly going to be mandated that he get treatment so I guess he thinks he’ll be a step ahead.  I have no idea how it’s going to go for him.  I know it’s going to be incredibly expensive and for somebody who has no car, no license and no job, how in the world is he going to make it?

This is one of those times I want to look one of my children in the eye and say “see…you thought mom was just an overbearing, irrational bitch.”
I had told all of them over and over and over….”I would prefer that you never drink but if you do, and find yourself in a situation where you are too drunk to drive, call me.  I don’t care where you are and I don’t care if it’s three o’clock in the morning…just call me.  I’m not saying that I won’t be pissed but I’m going to be a whole lot less pissed than I will be if you call me from jail, in which case I’ll just say good night and hang up.”

They all thought I was so unreasonable and it didn’t help that they saw Loser driving drunk all the time.  They probably reasoned…“if ‘God, Himself’ can do it and never get caught, why can’t we?”

The long arm of the law reached out and grabbed J*****.  I’m not going to say it was unjust.  He was driving drunk and he will have to face the consequences.  I do wonder why it couldn’t have happened to the person who has done it, without consequence, for the last fifty years.

When J***** went to jail before, I was the only person who ever visited him.  I put money into his “canteen” account.  I worried about him because I was afraid he was cold.  I hear they keep the jails at fifty-five degrees to cut down on disease and I don’t think they care if the inmates are shivering.  J*****’s usually thin when he has to go to jail so not having much meat on his bones, leaves him vulnerable.

When he was in rehab, as far as I know (with the exception of being in rehab in the state where Loser lives) I was the only one who ever visited him.  I sat through the required “counseling” before I could see him and I never missed a visit.

J***** is a grown man in the sense that he is thirty-three years old.  When Loser was his age, he had four children…well, let’s say I had four children.
J***** is poised and elegant, when he’s sober.  At K****s’ wedding, one of her firefighter buddies (a recovering alcoholic) was shocked when he found out that J***** was a drunk.  He said “he looks like he should be on the cover of GQ magazine.”
J***** can carry on a conversation with anybody, be it a homeless person or a college graduate with a PHD.  He is all those things but emotionally, he is still twelve years old.

What am I going to do if he goes to jail?  I’m not going to move back down there and I’m not going to drive ten hours one way every week.
I’m going to feel guilty every time I go to bed and cover up with my warm quilts.  I used to uncover myself for as long as I could stand it, I guess hoping that if J***** was cold, somehow it would transfer to me.

The first time he was in jail, I had no idea what to do when I went to see him and the people were rude to me.  I finally explained to them that it was the first time I had ever been to a jail and I was unsure of the rules.  They softened a bit but they still made me feel like I was a criminal.
I had written to him and sent him paper and self-addressed, stamped envelopes but the jail kept them.  I didn’t know they did that and I guess they still do.

I’ll find out today what the outcome was.  If he has to go to jail, I will write to him and let him know that I am thinking about him but I won’t send any money.

 

27 thoughts on “Court Date For My Son

  1. That’s torture for a mother to see her children like that. I’m sorry to hear it. I hope for everyone involved that he actually follows through with treatment, if he is able to.

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  2. This is part of your deal. Even talking to him is not what you said you agreed on… You have to stay strong. He needs rock bottom. I hope they do put him in jail, so he has to be prescribed a regimented reductive alcohol program until he is sober. I hope he gets a smack upside the head to wake up. To be the son you deserve and the man he deserves to be. Much love.

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    • Well, Sam told me unless and until he decided to get help…that’s when J***** said “I signed up for the out-patient” clinic….meaning that’s help. I don’t think for a minute that it’s going to “take”….unless he ends up in jail.
      I love your “smack upside the head” comment. (I’ve always thought that was part of his problem…getting smacked upside the head too many times by Loser.)
      I’m dreading the outcome and shoot…I may not even know what it was.

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      • Signing up for and actually going and receiving treatment are very different things. He is manipulating you. This is something he learned from loser.

        I’m glad you chuckled at the smack comment because I did mean it proverbially, and with love. You have been and are so strong, and you have shown that people can change their fate- you’re away from Ex now… J can also beat this. You are amazing.

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        • Exactly! That’s why I don’t look for it to last. I did talk to Sam about it and he said “well, that’s something but he isn’t going to make it.” Had J***** not signed up with the out-patient clinic, it would have been over for me and he knew it.
          I still haven’t heard anything. His hearing was at 1:15 and I guess his case could potentially be the last one called. I’ll have to ask Sam what to do if he goes to jail…as far as communicating with him.
          I’m away from Loser but those strings attaching me and him to our children are the toughest ones to break. I have begged J***** not to tell him ANYTHING when he asks about me but J***** refuses. He says “why can’t I just tell him you’re okay?” I told J***** that it was none of Losers’ business and he was to know NOTHING about me. Finding out “how I am” is not only comfort to Loser….it still gives him control.

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  3. My hurt your eyes handsome, bigger than life personality son got a DUI returning from a Super Bowl game. Spent twenty thousand fighting it, before he had to go to jail. Killed me day and night until he was released…..Turned him around and today he is fantastic. No more D&D. Didn’t think I would make it through his problems…..didn’t think he would. We both did…..Hang in there, you’re not alone.

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    • The problem is that my son doesn’t have that kind of money and Loser has already told him he “couldn’t afford” to help him (before the DUI) and because he’s having to pay the WTCs’ tuition and mortgage and car payments. With my sons’ record…I don’t even know how many times he has been to jail for public drunk….he will just be one of those forgotten drunks that are put in jail and the key is thrown away…and Loser will be okay with it because he knows that I’LL deal with it.
      It’s funny. I used to think that the only thing that would split up me and Loser was if he got a DUI. I never dreamed of diseases and infidelity.
      I’m so glad you and yours were able to recover. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m just so sad.

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