I have received so many well wishes and hopes for healing and it occurred to me….how do I heal when I don’t know what my disease is?
I have always been the kind who not only wanted answers…I needed answers. I thought I had finally found the answer to why Loser treated me and the children the way he did but now, I am not so sure.
I had come to believe that Loser is a narcissist. He fits the criteria for so many of the traits…but not all of them. He has been called a sociopath. Again, he fits so many of the traits…but not all of them.
Those are blurred lines.
Is it possible to have many traits of both disorders? Does it form a completely different disorder? How would that disorder be diagnosed? Even more importantly, how would you heal after having been damaged for so many years by a person who medically or professionally can’t be properly diagnosed nor can the effects of the damage? How can there be a prescription for a disorder that has no clear definition?
I can’t justify in my mind either of these one of these disorders because they don’t apply across the board. I just do not believe that a man can be so indifferent and emotionally abusive to his (then wife) and his children and then become the light of someone elses’ life and publicly express his wish to be a better man for her and a good influence on her daughter.
That is not the mark of a sociopath or a narcissist.
How can somebody be revered by “cub reporters” who credit him with making them an outstanding writer and all but crown him king… yet be so reviled and cursed by other co-workers that they wish him dead? An alleged narcissist or sociopath would have a universal reputation. Blurred lines.
The three main women in Losers’ life all left him and we were all dubbed as having some kind of “mental illness.” His WTC stayed with him after he lied to her and betrayed her. To date, she suffers from no mental illness that has been divulged. How can he be a perfect mate for her and not for us? Again, not the mark of a narcissist or a sociopath. Again, blurred lines.
The search for answers has always been my downfall. It has always left me wanting. It has always been criticized. It has been dismissed. It was used by Loser in court to qualify that I was so damaged, he couldn’t fix me despite his valiant efforts, which made the divorce my fault.
How can there be no answers to a question that to me, is paramount? How can there be no answer to the question “why are some human beings so violent and abusive to a select few and not to others, when the supposition is that the person suffers from a disorder that cannot be defined?”
It’s a simple question. Why is there not a simple answer?