Home » A disease-Giving Husband » What Exactly Is A Narcissist?

What Exactly Is A Narcissist?

I stumbled onto a blog by a self-proclaimed narcissist and I have been “following” it and bantering back and forth with him.  I can’t help but wonder what the real reason is for his blogging.  Is it the result of some happenstance that made him want to “out” himself?
He certainly doesn’t seem to be suffering from anything, save the usual narcissistic anomalies.
His forthrightness seems to offend many, puzzle a few and intrigue yet others, me included I guess.
Why would somebody spell out in great detail, the tools used for the conquest of his self-described prey?  Is it to sell books or is it to offer warnings to those of us who have fallen victim to our own narcissists?
Is he really a narcissist or is he just really a good writer?
I told him that I would love to witness a verbal battle between him and Loser and if I bet (which I don’t) my money would be on Loser.
He responded “Loser wouldn’t stand a chance.  I would down him and stamp (I think he meant stomp) on his trachea.”  It would certainly be interesting and I have to ask myself…who would I want to win?  I believe Loser would win.
I once observed Loser reduce a world-renowned economist (now dead) to a piece of shit in about two seconds.  It was clear that the economist wasn’t aware that Loser was the smartest person in the room and I’m not even sure he realized that he had just been gutted.
Losers’ subtle, yet biting superiority-motivated criticisms often go undetected, even when directed toward the most highly intelligent people.
Is that narcissism or is it just re-enforcing the need for the affirmation of that superiority?  That leaves me in a sort of quandary.
Do narcissists only seduce the opposite sex or do they seduce each other?  What happens when it’s time to “take them out and measure?”  Do they carry a knife so they can be ready to “cut the other one down to size” or are smooth verbal skills and the power of seduction enough to symbolically castrate the other one?
I can’t sympathize and certainly can’t empathize with a narcissist because I don’t understand them.  They seem to be from another universe.  Human beings are supposed to be equipped with a conscience.  They’re supposed to have emotions that include compassion, love and devotion….to and for somebody besides themselves.
What makes somebody a narcissist?  Is it a defective gene?  Is it a missing gene?  Is it the result of overbearing or silver-spoon-feeding parenting?
These may be questions for the ages and I’m not sure that they can even be answered by anybody other than a true narcissist…but would it really be an answer?  Narcissists obviously have different brain functions and even an attempt at an answer would most likely be designed to circumvent the truth.
The answers from the narcissist blogger I follow, almost seem to be a tease.  I know he would like to sell me a book, but I will not be conquered by this narcissist on that front and my resistance will stand firm.
Am I curious?  Of course I am.  Am I curious enough to read a book?  No.  Am I curious enough to spend money on a book that may or may not offer the “clarity of what makes a narcissist?”  Never.
To some of his readers, he is much like a spider.  He catches them in his web.  He doesn’t want to kill them or eat them…he wants to paralyze them and watch them squirm, while they are trying to get free.
Some readers are outraged, yet they keep reading.  People are drawn to things that repulse them…sort of like rubbernecking on the highway.  Nobody really wants to see blood and guts, (or so they say) but everybody slows down to take a look.
I can almost see the twinkle in his eye when he reads the subjective comments of offended readers and I’m sure that, in itself, is quite seductive.
For me, he offers a valuable insight into the world of narcissism.  He is prolific when it comes to his knowledge of predator and prey but he seems to think that he cannot be rebuked.
I would like to tease him a little.  There are those of us out there, who after having survived our own narcissists would leave him deflated and ready to move on to his next victim.
That being said, I find myself liking him.  He is clearly intelligent, which appeals to me.  He has a sense of humor, which appeals to me.  He is very open and honest about his narcissism.  Honesty appeals to me as well.
And…I would like to challenge him…there’s an old saying:  “Ain’t no horse what can’t be rode.  Ain’t no man what can’t be throwed.”

31 thoughts on “What Exactly Is A Narcissist?

  1. I never see anything posted about a female narc. I was married to one and wrote a post about it. While male and female narc are the same in most respects they are very different at the same time. A female narc is extremely dangerous. In short, males take slaves while females are climbing up a latter and each rung requires new prey to be able to step up to the next rung.

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    • I know about female narcs. A few of them were actually able to outsmart Loser. They used him for position, power and money. He was oblivious of course, because he could not fathom anybody not being totally enraptured with the wonder that was him. I could see it in THEM…I just refused to see it in him. Oh, well. He’s with one of the most skilled narcs now but he’s old and he will accept anything to keep from being alone. He’s got exactly what he deserves.

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  3. Very interesting read. Narcissists are so over the top I always wondered if they knew how they behave then I came to the conclusion that if they knew they wouldn’t care anyway because it’s all about them. You have to admit though that sometimes they can be quite entertaining in their self-absorption, it’s almost like an art.

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  4. Even though these more intelligent people tend to fir the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial PD and Narcissistic PD, they often have also characteristics of borderline PD. I know that PDs in general are controversial in the sense that many in the field do not agree with “pathologising” people with these characteristics as they are commonly found among certain professions, on the other hand, I think it is good to educate people and to increase knowledge as less people would be damaged when they were more aware of the characteristics of those who do harm.

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  5. The entire Cluster B Personality Disorders is relevant when talking about those who lack empathy and those who need admiration and have a grandiose sense of self-worth. From the four “disorders” listed in the DSM-V, the more intelligent people tend to fir better the first; Antisocial PD and the fourth, Narcissistic PD

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  6. Not all are intelligent. That is true. The PCL-R Checklist developed by Bob Hare has all characteristics piled up. When you look at them however, you know that the conning, manipulative ones who have high intelligence, are the ones who do not get caught. Their charm, lying and manipulation is on a higher level. The not-so-intelligent people with psychopathic behavior end up incarcerated. The smart and well-off with the same characteristics are the people we have to watch out for as they do enormous harm in companies and at a personal level.

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  7. Yeah I’ve bantered with him but I don’t find him highly intelligent. He’s amusing and funny but completely empty. I do find it fascinating to see inside the monster’s head. And yes it’s about selling books n I’m not buying lol.

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    • He does have a command of the English language and unless he has a ghost-writer, he seems to be pretty intelligent but you’re right. Can’t always judge a book by its cover. Is there really anything inside a monsters’ head…besides feelings of grandeur, about themselves? Remember, my ex narcissist called himself God. That’s pretty grandiose!

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  8. Pingback: The Monkey Dance of the Narcissist | Art by Rob Goldstein

  9. My guess is that any attention is better than no attention. There is alot of discussion about these sociopaths on many social networks. The game is drawing attention to himself. He’s the honest expert narcissist which allows him to stand above the manipulative commoners who weren’t able to figure out how to be the best little internet Narcissist of all…:)

    This post inspired a blog post — I’ll post the link in my reply to your comment ….

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    • Is it attention or adoration they crave? After I left my ex, he waited for almost ten years but he was withering up and dying from lack of having his ego pumped up. He was deflated…like a flat tire. Poor thing finally wandered into a bar and picked up his WTC who WOULD inflate him. He had money and prestige, she had a pump and knew how to use it. Now, all is right in their world.

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      • Yes…they completely deflate without a source of supply. The myth from which they are named really is apt.

        They live in a world of illusion and reflections…nothing is real, everything they say and think is designed to prop up the fabrication of a perfect godlike self. They must be the best and they must be surrounded by people they think are the best. The problem is that once they find these people they become envious and have to destroy them because there can only be one best person in the World…

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        • They may have to destroy the regular person…or wives…but they don’t seem to have to destroy the tramps they find. It that because they are basically tramps themselves and “water seeks its own level?” They are a rare breed. They should come with a warning label.

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  10. Nicely written. Not all narcissists are intelligent. My MIL most definitely lacks empathy and a conscience, is cruel, and judgmental, and is also an idiot. She says some of the most inane things and doesn’t even care whether she is right or even sounds smart. She is more the type seeking admiration for her looks and her money than for her intelligence. I guess narcissists come in many different flavors. I would imagine it is a lot more interesting to have a dialogue with an intelligent narcissist who doesn’t have the ability to hurt you. Blogs can be quite fun when we don’t care.

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    • You’re right. Losers’ mama is a narcissist of the highest order and she’s as dumb as a bag of hammers. (Thinks Philadelphia is a STATE.) It is fun…”playing with a narcissist”…after all…isn’t that what they do with us? LOL

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  11. Haha, this made me smile 🙂 Yes it is tempting to tease narcissists, but I think that if they feel someone might measure up to them in intelligence and so on, I find it likely that they would use some of their normal manipulative tactics.. like silent treatment. They could also just put on a nice guy front and deflect…aah those narcissists. You are indeed right about that they seem to be from other planets! They have such an alien mind, not being able to feel empathy and love, or have a conscience… Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. 🙂

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      • It definitely would! I think it may prove to be hard, cause even when the narcissists lose, they seem to tell themselves that they “won”, cause the other person cheated with the rules or some other lame excuse. Lol. Yeah the blogger u mentioned is nice to read cause he’s honest, in the blog. 😊

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