Home » A disease-Giving Husband » My Sons’ Birthday

My Sons’ Birthday

Today is my sons’ thirty-third birthday.  I wasn’t going to post about it…until I called him to say “happy birthday.”
I asked him if he was working today and he said no.  I asked him if he was off on the week-ends and he said he wasn’t working at the place anymore.  He had just gotten that job a week ago.
He sounded absolutely desolate.  He was grieving the circumstances that have prevented him from seeing his young son and sons’ mama.  I asked him if he was drinking and he said he wasn’t “yet.”
Last night, he asked his oldest sister if he could come over and hang out a bit and she told him no.  He HAD been drinking last night.
He said he was out of “smokes” and food.  He asked me if I would send him some money via Western Union.
I told him to call K**** and ask her for some help and to tell  her that I would pay her back.  He called her and she said no.  He asked her for money instead of food.
Somewhere during the conversation between he and K****, it came to light that I had called K**** a “worthless piece of shit daughter.”  I found that to be interesting, especially since I would never say that and it was Loser who had used the term “worthless piece of shit” to describe J*****.
The angry J***** started to emerge and he decided to take Losers’ attitude about why he was a drunk.  He said it was my uncles’ fault.  Loser always blamed my uncle.
Everybody still wears those fucking blinders when it comes to those fabulous fucking H***s.  Their genes are pure and even though Loser and his mama are both raging alcoholics, it HAD to have come from MY side of the family.
I wanted to crawl through the phone and commit filicide.
It is unbelievable to me that Loser still holds that kind of power over them…to not only suggest but to be able to convince them that alcoholism came from my side of the family.
I wonder how Loser and his mama happened to get THEIR gene from my uncle?

J**** placated me as usual.  I reminded him that there was somebody willing to talk to him but he still refuses.  I think he is worried that his “secrets” will be discussed.
There seems to be some sort of unusual bond between J***** and the man who owns the house where he’s staying.  He kept saying he couldn’t “leave him.”  This man is a little special in that he has allowed J***** to stay there without a job and was the one who bonded him out of jail.

It’s my sons birthday.  I didn’t send him a card.  I didn’t send him a gift.  I guess the least I could have done was send him some money, especially since he sounded so sad.

Yeah…I’m a great mother….and I criticize Loser?

14 thoughts on “My Sons’ Birthday

  1. When it comes to your EH and EMIL you’re expecting rational acts from irrational people……ain’t gonna happen, that’s a total rabbit hole……You’re a Mother with a son in trauma and we all feel your pain, but at the same time we also know that there is nothing you can do to help him. Sadly the devil on his back is in control…..Comforting thoughts your way.

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  2. Sending your son money is enabling. You offered him help, you pulled strings to get him in treatment, he refused. Until that changes, you will be strong and not help him commit suicide by liquor. You want to help him? You want to make sure he has food? Send some online delivery groceries to his current house. Means he has food. Means he didn’t sell gift cards for money, means he can eat. You could even send him a cake. And someone who says terrible things and lies about his mother to his sister doesn’t need a card he needs a good smack. Blaming anyone but himself for his alcoholism is just blame shifting. If your alcoholic family isn’t there pouring booze down his gullet then they are not why he drinks. Love you much. Stay strong it’s the best way to deal.

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    • Yeah, no money for him…and I know he’d rather have booze than food. It’s just so sad. I wish Loser cared about him..but….I’m just waiting for the “call.”
      Thank you for the love and support. Hugs.

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  3. I’m just sorry you are going through this. I know the whole episode makes your heart ache. If you want send him something, a gift certificate or something, and tell him it’s not just for his birthday but because you can see he’s in a bad place. Donut on your terms, not under someone else’s.

    There’s so much dysfunction in the world. I’m so sorry.

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  4. That they are trying to say that alcoholism is from your side of the family is both laughable, and furthermore, irrelevant. What does it matter where it came from, to be honest, when the important thing is, that it is a problem that needs to be dealt with.. (sigh at Loser and his mother). Sure, it certainly has a big genetic component, and that is in all likelihood from Loser and his mother’s side. Even more important though, is that your son grew up the way he did, not receiving a normal relationship and love from his father. Since you also described that Loser drank heavily during the marriage, your son has probably seen/learned that behavior from his father. Nature and nurture, as they say, where children of alcoholics often turn into alcoholics cause of their role model (who was an alcoholic..). But in my eyes, the blame is not the issue, but the current problem is what is relevant. It seems Loser and his mother is not doing much, (or nothing) to help your son. I think you have tried as best you could, to help your son. Giving him money at this point, would probably only have led to him drinking… (especially with the clues that he was drinking just a day ago, and didn’t ask his sister for food, only for money…) You have tried to get your son into therapy, and that is an effort to offer real help, in my eyes. Be confident that you are a good mother, who is trying her best, in a very hard situation! Hugs 💙

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    • You’re right and it’s not about blame but it IS about responsibility…and denial. When somebody (Loser and his stupid mama) are unwilling to admit that THEY have a problem it’s easy to blame somebody else. (Typical narcissism behavior) But, why cast dispersion on my family? Why couldn’t Loser have a chat with our son and tell him about the effects of alcohol and what they can cause? BECAUSE it was easier to hide behind one of my relatives. THAT’s where my son gets his reasoning. So sad.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, your husband and his mother haven’t been able to help at all. That is sad and does say a lot about who they are as human beings. I hope and pray your son can accept to receive the help he needs. Hugs!

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        • It’s hard to help when you refuse to admit what you are and what you’ve done (Losers’ mama) or when you are only interested in yourself and whoever you happen to be screwing at the time (Loser.)

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  5. You are not a “loser”! You raised your son to be a mature, responsible individual. What he does is of his own making. Send him a belated B’day card but don’t demean yourself for his decisions.

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