It’s A Wonderful Life was always my favorite Christmas movie. I loved the concept. I loved that George Bailey was such a selfless, good-hearted man. I loved that Mary realized her childhood dream of marrying the boy she had loved for so many years. I adored Clarence and always wished that he would visit me.
I decided to be introspective and imagine what it would be like if I “had never been born.”
Here’s the way I see it.
My mama and daddy would have only had four children. My little brother would have lived. My mama might have had a happier life. She and my daddy might have been the perfect couple. Mama wouldn’t have been stricken with such immeasurable grief that it changed her life.
There wouldn’t have been so much strife and sorrow in their lives. My mama might have been the best mama who ever lived. My daddy might have been the best daddy who ever lived.
Circumstances might have dictated that one “if” could have occurred that kept my other brother from being at the school on that particular day and that particular time and he might have escaped his sentence of life-long seizures.
My family might have been loving and giving.
If I hadn’t been born, I would have never been beaten or abused or called names. A few paintings would have never been painted and a few pictures would have never been drawn. A little Robin would have died long before my little sister strangled it. A little mouse would have stayed frozen to death.
Doctors and emergency rooms would have made a little less money because I wouldn’t have broken my leg so many times. Nobody at my school would have had perfect attendance. Somebody else would have won all the spelling bees.
The little old lady at the mall might have fallen down the escalator because I wouldn’t have been there to carry her packages. My grandma and grandpa would have saved the money it cost to buy a gallon of milk and a green pepper for my birthday.
I would have never met Loser. I would have never had to endure his mistreatment and abusive manner. I would have never been chastised for not going to college and not being a “court-holding queen.” I wouldn’t have been ignored for almost forty-one years. I wouldn’t have an incurable sexually transmitted disease, given to me by the one person I trusted above all others.
If I hadn’t been born and met Loser, he might have gone to Europe and bummed around until he gained enough emotional maturity to actually have a relationship that revolved around somebody besides himself. He might have met somebody who was his equal and if they had children, he might have been proud of them. He might not have destroyed so many lives.
I would have not met his atrocious mama. I would have never had to endure her drunken rampages and awful criticisms. I would not be filled with hatred toward her.
If I had never been born, I would have never had my children and what a loss that would be.
But, maybe they would have been born to another mama who wasn’t so damaged that she couldn’t even tell them she loved them. Maybe they would have been born to another daddy who actually valued them not only as human beings but as his precious, lineage carrying offspring.
If I had never been born, I wouldn’t be beaten down and broken. I could have avoided a sad life but in reality, I was born and I was put here for some reason. What that reason was or is, remains to be seen.
I am just an ordinary person. I have never done anything remarkable. Nobody will remember me for any life-changing invention. My name will not appear in any books or on any artwork. My name is on a few quilts but they are not on display in any museum or public venue. I’ve never changed anybodys’ life.
If I had never been born, so what?