Home » A Wasted Life » A Phone Call To My Son

A Phone Call To My Son

I had an uneasy feeling all day yesterday and I have always trusted my intuition, so I called my son.  My phone number is blocked but I was hoping he would answer.  He answered…and he was drinking.
He said that he had tried to get into “detox” but they had turned him away because he was “too drunk.”  I think he said his blood alcohol was something like .4 something %.
After they refused to admit him, they sent him to the hospital.  He stayed overnight and as soon as he got out, he bought some beer.  While I was talking to him, he was walking to the store to get some more.
It was the “angry J*****” I was talking to.
I referred to J*** as Loser and J***** immediately said “my dad’s not a loser.”  How quickly he came to that piece of shits’ defense.
Loser and the WTC are in F******.  I had gotten a note from “somebody” letting me know that Loser was taking her to F****** the second week in December, to “spend time with my children.”  The note went on to say they were going to have a “wonderful time together” and wanted to know “what I was going to be doing.”
I decided to email all four of my children to let them know that I had gotten that note.  Since I’m not in touch with any of them, my question was “how could I have possibly known that they were coming down there and when?”
Only my oldest daughter replied and I got the impression that she was defending the WTC.
After all, EVERYBODYS’ wish is for Loser to be happy.
Let’s see.  That WTC was fucking Loser while he was still married to me, warned Loser that he had better never choose his children over her again (according to Loser, after he decided to come see us for Christmas instead of staying with her) and told Loser that I should not think that I can come to S**** C******* any time I want to.
She’s a real prize, isn’t she…and certainly worth being defended.
I know my son said he wasn’t interested in meeting her…ever… and I wondered if he was angry because he knew that if he wanted to see Loser, he would have to see her.  Remember, Loser said “if my kids don’t want to see her, then they’re not going to see their daddy.”
J***** didn’t mention anything about seeing her and I didn’t ask but what he did say was “I asked dad if he would help me get into a medical facility and he said “I can’t afford it.”
That sent me into a mental rage that was almost uncontrollable.  Somehow I held it together and calmly and (probably inappropriately) said “did you say…well, you took that WTC overseas for three weeks.  You could afford that, couldn’t you?”
After I calmed down and thought about it for a minute, it started to make sense.  That WTC has student loans, has a house with a mortgage, has car payments, needs beer, needs cigarettes, loves to play pool, and couldn’t afford to pay her taxes so she had to “borrow” money from Loser.
If Loser is having to pay for all that, like I told him he would, then he probably can’t afford it.  God knows, the needs of his WTC are FAR more important than the needs of his only son.
That WTC needs help paying her bills and Loser is “Johnny on the spot.”  His son needs help and “he can’t afford it.”
J***** wasn’t asking him for money to buy a six-pack of beer or a carton of cigarettes or to pay “his taxes.”  He was asking for help to try to get sober.
I wanted to scream.  I wanted to punch somebody.  I wanted to put an article in the newspaper and I didn’t care if it offended Losers’ self-proclaimed “celebrity status.”  I wanted people to know how little this piece of garbage does and always has cared about his son.  I wanted everybody to know that he calls his son “a worthless piece of shit.”
A cry for help is just that.  A cry for help.  J***** is now in a position that could very well end up costing him prison time.  He can’t work and pay off his debts to the court system unless he gets sober.  He can’t get sober without some kind of help.
In the past, J***** has always been forced to go into rehab.  He has been ordered to go into rehab.  He has gone into rehab for a few days, just to have somewhere to sleep for a few nights.
This time, he made the decision to do it himself and needed help.  Loser had nothing to offer….as usual.
That means that, once again, it will fall to me.  Loser has always taken great comfort in knowing that “I was always going to be there” which made it possible for him to concentrate on whoever his “flavor” of the week, or month or year was and not have to worry about anything.
So, what should I do?  Do I really need that case of Boost or a new winter coat or should I find a facility and get help for my son?
Here comes the bitchiness.  Should I help him get on the right track (one more time) so that I can hear him defend that lying, selfish, cheating, disease-giving, scumbag sperm donor who won’t give him the time of day, unless he’s trying to impress his WTC by pretending to care about him, in front of her?
Unlike Loser, I still remember that he is my little boy.

 

20 thoughts on “A Phone Call To My Son

  1. A little of what I learned…..You can’t care enough, pray enough, or pay enough to help them until they’re ready to be helped. They have to want it enough to find the help THEMSELVES. Anything up to that point is a Band-Aid just covering the wound…….Children want so much to be loved by the unloving parent that they wear blinders when it comes to seeing the bad. Can’t change that, it is what it is. ……Anytime you point out faults of the non loving parent they are going to circle the wagons, because they want approval from Daddy, anyway they can get it. If they face how badly they were and are treated by him then they’re admitting to being fools for wanting his love. No win situation and really sad………A person who can’t feel real love can’t love someone else, so your children will never know that feeling from their father. The search and desire will always be on going. Heartbreaking when you think about it. Again, it is what it is. A Mother’s pain comes in knowing the father doesn’t deserve the children’s devotion and feeling bad for the children that they want so desperately to be loved by the POS……..Bottom line….Use your Blog to shovel shit on Loser, but don’t badmouth him to your children. That’s the best way to herd them to his pasture. Tell them you love them and you hope they find what they’re looking for when it comes to their father. They never will, but that will be for them to discover AND THEY WILL..

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    • The funny thing about my children is that they themselves, call Loser “a piece of shit” yet they still clamor for his love. If he can’t feel real love, how is it that he can LOVE that abusive drunk he calls a mama and the “thing” he picked up in the bar and wants to spend the rest of his life with? His children have his blood coursing through their veins and carry his name so how can he treat them like garbage? But, I know exactly what you’re saying. All I wanted was my mamas’ love and I never got it but she certainly wasn’t up on a pedestal.

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      • There is a big difference between saying love and feeling love. Loser’s mother was a big part of his life so she is a habit……WTC is just a side piece who will put out for a diseased old man. POT (pus on tap) is important to a man with an aging dangling participle. Love’s got nothing to do with his feelings for her. Your ex sounds like he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. No love to be found there.

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        • You are the one who should be a writer! You crack me up. Yes, Loser definitely suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. If you call yourself God…that should be a tip-off. BTW…I talked to my son. He asked me if I would buy him a bus ticket to a rehab place. I told him to ask Loser. He was a little abrupt with me and he was drinking. Sigh.

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  2. This is such a hard deal. I would do this: he is your son, and your love is unconditional, but you don’t deserve the abusive discussion of loser. I would be firm : help him get into treatment. And promise to yourself and him that this is it. If he chooses treatment, he chooses to deal with his addiction, and he also needs to deal with his past, his emotional issues, his daddy issues, and learn to respect his mother. I would tell him that you will no longer talk about your ex unless it’s in therapy. You have such a septic wound of your own, and it makes your life, your sons life and your relationship all about loser-which is nuts, and lunacy, and unhealthy… when you guys deal with that, it might get better. It’s bogus. Loser doesn’t own you anymore lovely. And you don’t need to get involved. Dad says he can’t afford it. Bully for him. Your choice is your choice. Maybe your ex is making a different decision, maybe he thinks he has already spent too much, or that he has drawn his line in the sand long ago and this kid passed it, he’s out of turns. Sure, maybe he can’t afford rehab, that could be… But really I think it’s his way of blaming something else, and it also means he knows it will rile you up and you will play the ‘crazy ex wife ‘ part to a t by talking about trips and spending that to be honest- isn’t your business anymore. He’s a douche. He wouldn’t help anyone if he didn’t get a parade out of it. So forget talking about that with your kid. Make it about your relationship with your kid. You cover this rehab, you define new rules with him: no talking about loser. Just see what happens. I dunno. It will be hard. I hope you and he find some peace.

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    • Boy. Are you right on so many fronts! Sometimes I need to get my ass “cyber-kicked.” I have another follower who does that. I guess I just get petulant sometimes and wonder why I am expected to bear the cost of everything. It’s not like Loser is living at the poverty level. I’ve been struggling with wanting to call him all day. I have no idea if he’s drunk…or hung over…or in jail…or in the hospital. I am so mad and pissed off at him but I am scared to death that he’s going to die. If he dies and I passed up the chance to help him one more time, it would be almost more than I could bear…and I would want to HUNT SOMEBODY DOWN. I wish I had a magic wand.

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  3. How old is your son? It seems you’re going to be damned if u help n damned if you don’t. It’s an impossible position. I’m sorry for your pain. May I ask why u aren’t in contact with your kids? Sending u hugs!

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