To be fair to Loser, I thought I would try to list some good things about him.
He was an excellent provider (monetarily and only monetarily.)
He never complained about the money I spent on the children.
He never complained about the massive decorating I did for the holidays.
He gave magnificent gifts (even the ones that were guilt-driven.)
He was quick to offer praise and gratitude when I made a quilt for him.
He was brilliant.
He never shirked from his duties at work.
He was a great pretender (and that takes a talent that I don’t have.)
He would cry on cue, hoping it gave the impression that he was actually capable of feeling emotional pain (and that also takes a talent.)
He was tenacious, almost to the point of obsession, for forty-one years, when trying to find a former girlfriend.
He was just as tenacious when trying to buy my forgiveness (and only gave up after he met his “loan seeking” WTC.)
He would talk to me with great enthusiasm for as long as I would listen, if we were talking about the fucking Duke basketball team and the new recruits.
He would answer any and all questions I had, if it pertained to golf.
He would actually look at me and say thank you, if I handed him a beer.
If I pretended to be interested in what he was reading, he would take as much time as it took to give me a full synopsis containing endless details of the story line as well as information about the author.
He would give me an approving nod when I knew the answer to the final Jeopardy question, especially if he didn’t.
He would sometimes ask me how I was feeling. His eyes were already glazing over by the time I got the third or fourth word out but at least he asked.
He talked with reverence and great affection when speaking about his mama and daddy.
He exceeded all the expectations his mama and daddy had for him (even after he betrayed me and gave me an incurable STD, he had “never done anything that had disappointed them.”)
He was lightning fast to stick his finger in my daddys’ face and say “I’ll never forgive you for letting her mama treat her the way she did.” (Now, Loser would NEVER say anything to his mama about the way SHE treated me, but he thought he was entitled to straighten out my daddy. That was his idea of defending me.)
He valued my expertise when he had a question about one of his health issues.
He would always remember to tell me to give the children messages (so that he didn’t have to take time away from his WTC to call them himself.)
After he betrayed his WTC and she forgave him, he became a devoted, true-blue and faithful lover.
He is quick to defend his WTC and will not allow any disparagement from anybody.
He is an amazing guardian when it comes to protecting his WTC.
He now appears to keep all of his promises to his WTC.
He did and does show his root family and friends great respect, admiration and loyalty.
He has enough self-confidence to claim to be God (and that takes a special kind of human being.)
He always thinks he is the smartest person in the room and I don’t doubt that something to that effect will be etched on his tombstone.