Home » A Wasted Life » The Complexity Of A Name Change

The Complexity Of A Name Change

Today I decided to brave the harsh elements and drive for over an hour to the Social Security Office.  I recently became aware that I could no longer get prescriptions filled or even order anything online because I’m still tied to that FUCKING Loser.  After talking to the pharmacy, I was thinking “how long is it going to be before I am free from him?”
The Social Security office was pretty nice but we were packed in there like sardines.  I got my ticket and sat down.  I don’t know why but when I first walked in and saw the huddled masses….I looked for Loser.
I watched people…some of them had blank stares.  Some of them were impatiently fidgeting in their seats.  Some of them were taking regular bathroom trips or cigarette breaks outside.  Some, like me had the “I don’t want to be here” look on their faces.
For some reason, almost everybody who walked in seemed to be seven feet tall…men and women.  A few of the older people couldn’t figure out how to work the robot that spit out your ticket after you gave it your life history.
It was going to be a two-hour wait so I just sat there, looking around.  There was elaborate crown molding used as chair railings but it wasn’t cornered at the ends like it should have been.  It had been cut straight off.  Whoever painted the windows didn’t cover the walls before they painted.
The security guard was carefully scrutinizing everybody who was not sitting down and he was policing everybody who dared to enter with a drink in their hand.
There were two lone Cheerios laying on the floor, stuck together.  Obviously, they weren’t there to execute a name change.
My number was called and I wove my way around a few bodies sitting on the floor and others who were leaning against the wall.
A cheerful woman asked me what she could do for me.  When I told her I needed to change my name, she said the same thing the DMV and the credit card companies said…”do you have your marriage license?”  I told her I had my DIVORCE papers.  She apologized and said she was sorry.  I told her not to be sorry.
It took less than five minutes to retreat back to my maiden name.  On my way out, I once again found myself inexplicably scanning the room for Loser.
Why was I looking for Loser?  Maybe I was having flashbacks to the last time we walked into a government building together without acrimony.  I don’t know.
I was incredibly sad when I walked out but it was overshadowed by the desire to throw up my arms, clench my fists and scream “yes!”
This was the final step in completely severing the last vestiges of Loser from my life…to permanently get rid of that Goddamn name…to be totally separate from him…to be able to now shred my current social security card that identified me as being married to Loser…to finally be free.

6 thoughts on “The Complexity Of A Name Change

  1. I think I would dance in my kitchen to Taylor swift after this moment “cuz a players gonna play play play play play, I’m just gonna shake shake shake shake shake- shake it off, shake it off!!!! ” whooooo hoo!!!!!! This is amazing!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Now, if I can just get “associates” to stop asking me where my husband is, when I’m at the local hardware store….I’ll be in good shape. Men, for some reason think a woman doesn’t know how to run a power tool. In MY case, it was the ex who couldn’t run them. Oh well. I’ll just hold my tongue and try not to say what I said to a little snot-nosed kid who asked me that question when I was buying my chain saw….”if you ask me that again, I will drop you where you stand.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope you can “bottle” the peace you feel in the moment you described .. And use it to when your so down. I am so proud of you for ridding yourself of that dirt, now scrap it off your shoes and dust them off! You are bound for beautiful things ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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