Home » A Wasted Life » If God Would Send His Angels

If God Would Send His Angels

I used to believe in angels.  I was so sure they existed.  I always believed that angels sent my grandmother to keep my mama from hitting me in the back of the head with a hammer.
When I actually believed that there was still a chance for me to go to college, I worked at the telephone company.  I got off work at one o’clock in the morning and had to walk more than five miles home.  Many times there would be the errant car that would come driving slowly up beside me, and a man would say “hey baby, you need a ride?”  I was sure the angels kept me safe.
There were times when the snow would be so deep, I couldn’t make it up the hill to my house, so I would sleep in somebodys’ car.  That was possible because I came from a town and a time where nobody locked their front doors or cars.  Although I was cold, I was sure the angels kept me from freezing to death.
Even Loser and my children have never known about that.
Sometimes I would be so hungry, I thought I might starve but miraculously, I would find a quarter on the side of the road.  That would feed me for a couple of days.  I was sure the angels dropped it for me.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night after a “procedure” and I was covered in blood.  I didn’t know what to do so I did the worst possible thing I could have done….ran a bathtub full of hot water.  I woke up Loser and he just looked at me, laid down and went back to sleep.  I was sure the angels sat beside me all night.
One time I fell down some steep concrete stairs, carrying a lawn mower and landed just like I had sat down.  I was sure the angels had protected me.
I was at the mall one time and this darling elderly couple was standing at the top of the escalator.  The woman was holding a very large bag.  I saw them talking to each other and as I got closer, I heard her say “I’m afraid I’ll fall.”  I walked over, took her bag and carried it down for her.  I never said a word and neither did she.  I’m not sure I was even visible.  I was sure that the angels sent me to that little couple.
Another time when I was at the mall doing Christmas shopping, a strange woman walked up to me and said your still waters run deep and you have three angels watching over you.”  I remember hoping they were my grandma, my grandpa and the little brother I had killed.  I was sure the angels had sent her to say that to me.
When my children were playing soccer, I took all of them to their practices, of course.  They never missed a practice or a game.  One afternoon, the “team mom” from B*****s’ team called and said that practice had been cancelled but she didn’t know why….she had just gotten a message from the coach on her answering machine.
A neighbor down the street called and asked if B***** could babysit so I told her since there was no practice, she could.  The second…and I mean the second the neighbors pulled out of the driveway, the team mom called back and said practice was on.  I told her I had just sent B***** down the street so she wouldn’t be there.
The next day, the team mom came over and sat down next to me.  She said the coach had called her and literally “cursed her out.”  She said she told him she had just done what his message said to do.  He said he had left no such message so she told him she would play it for him.  The message had mysteriously vanished.
This woman said “I don’t know what kind of faith you have and I don’t believe in stuff like this, but….were you aware that there was a fatal car crash yesterday?”  I told her I wasn’t.  She said “it happened at the place and time that you would have been, had you been bringing B***** to soccer practice.”  She shivered and said “and there was the message that was there and then wasn’t.”
She said “there was a reason that B***** was the only child who was not at soccer practice yesterday.”  I was sure the angels had intervened.
When I had to meet a drug dealer in the middle of the woods to get Losers’ computer back (at any and all cost), I was sure the angels were there with me.
When I was so sick (and Loser was too busy texting his attachment to notice), I was sure the angels sent K**** when she came over and realized that I needed to go the hospital.  Otherwise, I would have laid on my sofa and gone completely septic.
Now I wonder where all of those angels that I believed in so strongly have gone.  Maybe they went the way of the prince charming I dreamed about.  They were just little girl dreams that turned out to be fantasy….but what I wouldn’t give to meet an angel.

4 thoughts on “If God Would Send His Angels

  1. I am not religious but I can feel in your words the hope of someone looking out for you. I read your words and I thought to myself you do have angels looking over you. They are all the people in your life who are there for you. Who are REALLY there for you. They may only be there for a brief time but they are there for you. But I can also guess from your words that you are an angel to others as well. The elderly couple that you helped would surely think so. I am the least of all people to deserve having anyone look out for me but I have always tried to help others even if it means I have to give up something I really want. Am I an angel to others, I don’t think so, but they may. So keep your head up and know that all of us, even the damned, have the opportunity to be an angel. We just have to see it and be thankful when it happens to you.


    • Thank you for your lovely words and thoughts. I can count on one hand, the people who are “really” there for me and even for them, I think it’s a struggle. The people who I always believed were there for me, found dark times too much to handle. I am also keenly aware that “THE DEVIL WAS ONCE AN ANGEL.”


  2. Well your writing is heavenly and I consider having found your blog a blessing……..Having no wings, that’s the best I can do. Keep writing, before you know it you will have many enjoying your talent.


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