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Fait Accompli

B***** had given birth to another little girl a few months earlier.  She was still reeling from my “attempt to break up J*** and his attachment” so we hadn’t really been speaking.  While she was still in the hospital, I emailed T** and asked him if it would be possible for me to come see the new baby.
He said I could…..but first I had to have a “long overdue conversation” with my daughter.  There were conditions for me to be able to see my grandchild.
There had been “boundaries” with B***** and truthfully, I had overstepped them several times by mentioning her brother, N**** or J***.  Now there were conditions from her husband.  I don’t know why I wasn’t given a list of “rules” on a piece of paper that I had to sign, like I had been given when I was a child…..begging to go home.
I called her and we met for coffee at Starbucks.  We had done that for a long time but had stopped.  It was good seeing her and getting to meet the new baby.  It was a little awkward but I was hoping the rift could be healed.  The attempt would prove to be futile in time.  I think too much damage had been done.
Thanksgiving was coming up.  I had always had the entire house decorated by then but I hadn’t done anything. I just didn’t have it in me and even though I tried to mentally dismiss it, I knew that I would never decorate again.
K**** invited me over to her house for Thanksgiving dinner and I was planning on going until…..I heard by accident that K****, B**** and their families were planning a trip to S**** C*******.  They were going to meet J***s’ attachment, see J*** and R*** and then travel up to N**** C******* to see my sister.  I mentioned it to B***** and she said that she had planned on telling me when we were at K****s’.
I just didn’t feel like I could go after that.  I felt not so much like I had been betrayed again but that it had been intentionally kept from me.
I didn’t go to K****s’.  I spent Thanksgiving alone.
I called P**** and asked her why she hadn’t told me that my children were coming to see her.  She said she didn’t want to tell me because she was afraid I would get mad.
My daughters hadn’t told me that they were going to S**** C******* and it had been planned for a while.  P**** hadn’t told me that my children were coming to see her and it had been planned for a while.  J*** hadn’t told me about his attachment and she had been around for a while.  Each one was a fait accompli.  Why would I think that I deserved to be included?
P**** and her boyfriend had come down earlier in the year and had made plans to have dinner with B***** and her family.  I didn’t know about the plans, of course.  When she told me, I mentioned that I would like to go with them.  B***** was still mad at me but it never occurred to me that it would be an issue.
P**** called to ask B***** if she minded if I came.  B***** said she didn’t want me to.
I told P**** that if the situation was reversed…..meaning that if her son and I were planning on going out to eat and he told me not to bring her……I wouldn’t go.  It didn’t matter to P****.  I watched them get ready and then off they went….leaving me at home by myself.
When they got back to my house, they said they had a really good time.  I guess they did.
I was unhappy that K**** and B***** were going to go to S**** C*******.  I was particularly upset that B***** was suddenly going to embrace that drunk who had treated not only me like garbage, but her as well.  B***** excused it by saying “when someone keeps reaching out to you, you eventually have to do something.”  I guess she meant “someone” besides me.
She had refused to invite R*** to her wedding, but now not only was she going to travel nine hours to spend the holidays with her, she was going to eagerly spend them with J***, his attachment and then, my sister.
Nobody came to see me on Christmas.  There were no gifts, no cards, no calls.  N**** and J***** texted me “Merry Christmas” but it wasn’t merry.  It was excruciatingly painful and even now while writing about it, I am stricken with immeasurable grief.
That marked my decent into even greater depths of depression.  I knew I had fallen into a black hole and B***** was not shy about reminding me.  It seemed that everybody who meant something to me….shovelful by shovelful, were slowly covering me up like I was a dead animal.
I had always believed (and so had my children) that I was made of steel.  Like a faded actress who one day wakes up and realizes that she is no longer a leading lady…..I woke up and realized that I was made of glass.  There had been scratches over the years….pieces had been chipped off….but now, I had been shattered into a thousand pieces.
K**** and B***** made their trip and came back with gifts from R*** and J*** (and probably from his attachment.  That would make her look like the “good guy.”)  J*** had actually gotten gifts for them.  He used the gift cards that were given to him at his retirement party so he didn’t have to spend much, if any, money.
When they got back, I was talking to B*****, telling her that I wished she had brought the children over to see me.  She angrily said “why would I bring my children over to somebodys’ house who didn’t even bother to decorate?”  I guess maybe I thought she would like to bring her children over to see me.  I didn’t know it was all about the decorations.  I was talking to her on the phone a few weeks later and made the mistake of mentioning J***.  She hung up on me.  She has never spoken to me again.
J*** and I had emailed back and forth.  It was clear to me that I was going to have to use different tactics to reach him.  Not only was there the alimony issue, I had discovered another account that he had “forgotten” and was refusing to divide.
Once again, I had to hone my acting skills.  I would send an email addressed to “my darling.”  He responded that it had been a long time since I had called him darling and he really appreciated it.  What an idiot.
He had started calling me darling after I asked him how long he had called both me and his attachment “babe” and “sweetheart” at the same time.
I have never seen anybody who could be PLAYED easier than J*** H***.  Anything….anything that stroked his ego, he consumed like a child in a candy factory.  I put on my best and sweetest southern belle persona and made him think that I still “cared.”
J*** came down in January and we continued our discussions.  I decided to approach it not only with the fake affection but also from a business standpoint.  He understood our “business relationship.”
I asked him what his attachment got him for Christmas and he said “a coffeepot.”  He said she didn’t want him to continue to use the one I had given him.  Poor jealous thing.
I asked him what he got her for Christmas and he said “I don’t remember.”  Since I was playing the sweet, little thing, I just smiled and let him think I believed him.
He finally agreed to pay alimony and split the other account.  Making him believe that I still cared about him, putting my request on a business level and calling him darling had worked.
I had re-filed for divorce in S**** C******* and he had been served.  The server reported back to my attorney….”this one’s going to be a real piece of work.”  I understand that J***s’ reaction was less than cordial.
He had filed against me the day after I filed, saying that we hadn’t been living together.  I asked him why he filed when he knew that I was going to and he said he didn’t know that I had.
Then he looked down and said “and you filed for adultery….and it will be public record….but I guess you get some kind of satisfaction out of that.”
Was he thinking that I would file for divorce because we had “drifted apart?”  Again, he didn’t want to take any responsibility for what he had done.  He wanted protection.  It was all about him.
He got in his car, looked at me and said “I miss you every single day.”  I wanted to say “do you miss me when you and your attachment are camping…..or when you and your attachment are at the bar drinking……or when you’re crawling into bed with your attachment every night?”  He missed me every single day?  Who did he think he was talking to?  He’s a great con artist but that crap didn’t work on me anymore.
I have to take a break from this.  My next post will be to do what I deserve to have done.  Bash myself for who I really am.

7 thoughts on “Fait Accompli

  1. Whoops pressed send before I was done writing..☺ The I miss you, while they are with someone else… it is plain disgusting! I used to think; well if you really did miss me so much, you’d be down on your knees begging for forgiveness and asking what you could do to make things right.. you wouldn’t be in bed with someone else. They are unbelievable… hugs. 💙


    • They really are, aren’t they? I’ve learned that narcissists are like that. Loser always almost bragged when he said “it’s all about me. It’s always been all about me and it will always be all about me.” That’s somebody who really LOVES himself.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah they are so alike, all narcissists.. I think it is only a matter of small nuances but a similar mold that made them all. . My narcissist was never “openly narcissistic”, he was more of the covert type.. he always, always, pretended to care for me and love me very, very much.. and then let me down several hundred times and had an entire secret life behind my back. Ugh! Do we dare to guess there is a special place in Hell for this kind of people… 💜


          • I also have a firm belief that there will be some sort of reckoning. There is just no way that people can behave in evil ways and just get away with it. I refuse to believe that the universe allows that. I may not see the reckoning happen, but I know it will come in some form…


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