Home » A Wasted Life » It Was Christmas Again And I Decorated

It Was Christmas Again And I Decorated

Christmas was around the corner and for the first time in seven years, I felt like I could decorate again.  I went all out like I had always done before.
B***** called me and asked me if it looked like Santa had thrown up in my house yet and I said “yep, it sure does.”  I had missed decorating so much and I wanted N****s’ little boy and T**s’ little boy to see all the “do-dads” I had put out.  I made snowflake curtains and every single room had a tree in it, even the bathroom.
I had gone with B***** and T** to pick out their Christmas tree.  It was alien to me….watching them pick out a tree together, enjoying each other and enjoying the experience.
K**** and E* had picked out their tree as well, and E* had the idea of saving the piece that was cut off to allow the tree to take in water.  They had a nice collection and had put the year on each piece.
As I have said before, I had never been allowed to have a real tree (except the one in A*****) because J*** said I “would burn the house down.”  He had never acted interested in helping me decorate.  He was always too busy or not at home.
J*** had come down even though he had said he was never coming again.  We didn’t exchange gifts.  That had stopped a few years before.
He took pictures of the decorations in every room but I don’t know why.  I would ask him if he remembered certain things but he didn’t.  I guess he didn’t pay any more attention to decorations than he did to me.  Walls being torn down and new paint in a room…….he just never noticed anything.
I told him to take a picture of the quilt that K**** had made for me a few years ago.  He had seen it before but didn’t remember it.
I had gotten P**** into quilting and K**** and B***** had also gotten the “bug,” I came up with the idea of a quilt exchange.  We all made the same quilt and then drew names to see who got ours and whose we got.
P**** had just visited me when I came up with the idea and as soon as she got back home, she got a wild hair and decided that she needed another dog.  It almost drove her crazy, trying to train it and working on the quilt at the same time.  She ultimately had to get rid of the dog.
She had gotten B*****s’ name, I had gotten K****s’ and vice-versa.  P**** finally got the quilt made and mailed it to B*****.  P**** was a smoker and the quilt smelled like smoke so B***** washed it.  I thought P**** was going to commit hari-kari.  She was so pissed that she had put all of that work into that quilt and now B***** had ruined it.
I told her that B***** hadn’t ruined the quilt.
Then it was my fault that she had to get rid of that little dog.  She said she could have trained it and kept it if she hadn’t had to work on that “fucking quilt.”  That caused a falling out between us for more than six months.
Our children had come over and it was almost like old times again with them but not with me and J***.  He was still his impatient self.  If I said the wrong thing or interrupted him at the wrong time, he still talked to me like I was garbage and I was starting to resent it more and more.  He had become so repulsive to me that I could hardly stand to look at him.  He would ask me if he could have a hug.  I would cross my chest with my arms as if subconsciously protecting my heart and just stand there while he put his arms around me.
J*** was going to come back in January for a meeting somewhere in S**** F******.  When he got there, he told me that he had to come back again in February and it was only going to be a few days later.
He came back and I picked him up at the airport.  We hung around for a few days and would go over to K**** and E*s’ house to play cards.  The last day we went, J*** had been drinking all day and was being a jerk.
I got up and went into the kitchen and E* was in there.  I looked at E* and said “I guess I’m just a flaming bitch but I cannot stand to be around him when he’s drinking.”  E* put his hands on my shoulders, leaned down, looked me in the eye and said “I can’t stand him either.”
I had to take him back to the airport the next day at noon and we had decided to have breakfast with B***** and T** before he left.
K**** was in the house and happened to walk out just as I was saying that maybe we should leave around 8:30.  She had completely missed the previous conversation so she was confused about why we would leave that early.  Now, it was a well-known fact that sometimes I could hardly find my way out of my own driveway but leaving three and a half hours before his flight was a little ridiculous.
She kind of curled up her nose and said “why?”  J*** slammed his hand down on the table and screamed “because I want to see my fucking daughter!”
K**** got teary eyed and went back in the house.  I looked over at E*.
E* is a fine figure of a man and equaled J*** in height and stature.  I wanted him to stand up, get in J***s’ face and say “I don’t care who you are or who you think you are but if you ever talk to my wife like that again, I’m going to drop you where you stand.”  Instead he just sat there, the same way J*** used to.
Maybe he said nothing because he knew if he did, he could possibly end up doing just that.  E*, like J***, absolutely suffered no fools but J*** was K****s’ daddy.

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