Home » A Wasted Life » On The Way To A Good Life or So I Thought – Part One

On The Way To A Good Life or So I Thought – Part One

It was a long, grueling trip but we made it to P***********.   J*** had to start work immediately and I was left at the house with my two small daughters.  I had packed a few clothes, a few blankets and a few pillows but nothing else.
I guess I thought our furniture was going to arrive just any time but that wasn’t the case.
My girls and I were in that house, with no place to sit, nothing to do, no food and no way to fix food.  I didn’t even have a spoon or a fork.
I tried not to complain too much to J***  for two reasons.  One, there really wasn’t anything he could do about it, and two, I didn’t want him to yell at me and ask me what I wanted him to fucking do about it.
He was working long hours, so he wasn’t around very much to share in our misery.
Two weeks later, the furniture arrived.  Turns out that the driver had decided to vacation in New Jersey for those two weeks.  How I survived without losing my mind, I don’t know.
It was a lovely house, but it was almost impossible to heat.  There was an old oil furnace in the basement and it wasn’t very efficient.  Sometimes I would take the girls to Taco Bell at night, not to eat but to just get warm for a little while.
I had gone to work for another insurance company and spent the first week downtown in their old building.  The new building was pretty far out of the city and was brand new.  I had been only been working there for a while and got a really bad cold, I thought.  I had felt like crap for several weeks and the day I started feeling better, everybody at work told me I looked like I was about to die.
I used that to take the opportunity to plead sick so I could take the rest of the day off.  On the way home, my chest really started hurting.
The hospital was within walking distance from the old house, so I decided to just walk over there and see what they could do for me.
After a few tests, our family doctor called and told me that I had pneumonia and three cracked ribs as a result of my violent coughing.   I remember being relieved.  I had called J*** and told him I was going to the hospital and when I got home, I called him and said “it’s just pneumonia.”  He was a little incredulous at my casual attitude.  I got out my old medical books and looked it up.  Then….I was a little worried.
It was viral pneumonia and my doctor suspected that it was Legionnaires disease.  There were no antibiotics for it so it was a wait and see game.  The old building where I first worked had old air conditioners and I sat right under one of them.
I recovered, I guess because I was young and relatively healthy.
We stayed in the old house for almost a year and then decided to buy our own house.  We found one close to where we were living but certainly not in the same exclusive neighborhood.
It had three bedrooms and seven bathrooms.  It was what they called a “twin.”  The best thing about it was that it could be heated.
The paper seemed to be a good fit for J***.  I think he enjoyed what he was doing and apparently didn’t have any enemies or if he did, there were very few.  He was still reaching for the top.
R*** and his daddy had made a couple of trips to see us.  Once, I had been to the grocery store and when I walked in, R*** walked up to me and said “I love you.”  I was wondering just how drunk she was but she had broken one of my lamps while she was cleaning.  My house obviously wasn’t clean enough for her so she decided to dust and vacuum.
The second visit from them was after their trip to Atlantic City.  We picked them up at the airport and brought them home.  We were all in the kitchen and R*** had a box with her.  She started that idiotic giggle of hers and told me she had brought me something.
I went over and got the box and opened it.  Imagine my surprise when I saw a DILDO.  She just giggled and giggled.  She was still giggling and told me that she thought I could use it to “practice on.”
I knew J*** would never believe me if I didn’t show it to him, so I did.
He took off his hat and tossed it on the kitchen table and said “that’s the most disgusting thing I ever saw.” I wanted him to ask her what the hell she was thinking but he didn’t.  It was never mentioned again.
Later that day, J*** had fixed hamburgers.  We were all sitting at the kitchen table and she was drunker than I had seen her in a long time.  She would point to something on her plate and ask J***s’ daddy what it was.  He would say “that’s a tomato, Shug.  That’s a bun, Shug.  That’s lettuce, Shug.”
She never did eat her hamburger.  Instead, she laid her head down in her plate and took a nap.  J*** and his daddy sat there and acted like nothing was happening.  This happened in front of my children and I was livid.
The next day, R*** was sitting in my dining room with a drink in her hand and B***** walked up to her, put her hands on her hips and said “are you drunk?”  R*** said, I don’t reckin, why?  B***** said because my mom says you are.  R*** said “you reckin she knows?”
I was almost at the point of telling J*** that she couldn’t come visit anymore if she was going to drink,  but I didn’t.  I couldn’t wait for them to leave.
Our anniversary was coming up and J*** asked me what I wanted.  He was surprised when I told him I wanted another little girl.  I liked the two I had so much that I wanted another one.
He came through like a champ and I didn’t even need the dildo.  In the coming months, I had started sleeping on the sofa downstairs because he snored so badly and I was so uncomfortable.
Summer had arrived and the windows were open all the time, day and night.  We were from the south and grew up never locking the front door, leaving the keys in the car and walking to and from school without worrying about ending up on a milk carton.  One night, I thought “I should get used to sleeping in the bed again” so I went upstairs and slept in the bed.  Early in the morning, something woke me up and I sat straight up in the bed and so did J***.  I said “is that my car?”  He said “you’re Goddamn right it is.”  I looked out the window and all I could see were hands on my steering wheel.
I got up, eight months pregnant, ran downstairs and out the door, chasing them.
J*** was trying to find something to put on and finally grabbed a towel.  We both watched my car drive down the road.
I came back in the house and saw J***s’ bronzed baby shoes on the floor.  I was wondering why would I have left those there.  I was literally turning around in circles trying to figure out where they were supposed to go and all of a sudden, it occurred to me.  They had been on top of the television and the television was gone.  I went into the dining room and my silver was gone.  They had taken my pocketbook, a quilt that I had just finished making and a jar of loose change.  All of a sudden I heard J*** say “Goddamnit!  This just adds insult to injury.”  I thought maybe they had taken the refrigerator or something but they had taken his cigarettes.
He was getting ready to go to work and I asked him not to leave me.  The robbers had my pocketbook and the keys to the house.  J*** said “if I don’t leave you today, I’ll never be able to leave you.”  He went to work.
I sat on the sofa all day long, thinking…..what if I had been asleep on the sofa when the robbers came in….what am I going to do if they come back….how am I going to protect my children?
I remembered that J*** had a shotgun in the closet upstairs and I knew where he kept the shells.  I got the gun out and loaded it.  I didn’t want it out where the girls could find it so I started trying to figure out where to put it.  I ran all of the scenarios through my head should they find it and finally decided to just unload it and put it back in the closet.
I couldn’t figure out how to do it.  I waited for a couple of hours before I called J*** but I finally did.  He was so patient while he was telling me how to unload it.  I will never forget that.  I was ready for him to start yelling at me and ask me what the hell I thought I was doing.
The police came twelve hours later to take a report.  They just told me to change the locks.  Nobody was killed so it was no big deal to them.
It was almost time for the new baby and it was time for the name game once again.  This time I told R*** that I didn’t care how many whores she knew named N****….I was naming her N****.  I knew I was having another girl because I had been steadily bleeding, just like before.
I was right.  N**** was born two days shy of exactly nine months after our anniversary.

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